#3. Games Plagued by Monkey Gangs and Murderous Pig Stampedes
We humans have gone all out in our continuing quest to eliminate every last hint of "wild" from the "wilderness." We've carved our forests back into neatly landscaped parks and killed or zooed any animal capable of threatening man's utter dominance. Even still, we haven't been able to hold back Mother Nature entirely. Things are even worse in the parts of the world that haven't managed to kill their jungle yet.
In India, wild animals have made such a habit of invading sports stadiums that the authorities have been forced to take brutal, unthinkable action. And by "take brutal, unthinkable action" we really mean "deploy squadrons of trained attack monkeys."
Via Wikimedia Commons
Just waiting to rip your entire face off and wear it as their own.
The city of New Delhi is often beset by animal invaders. Government offices, courts, hospitals -- even the police find themselves besieged by monkey "gangs" on a regular basis. And we aren't talking about some adorable wandering simian circus, good-naturedly flinging pooh and lampooning fat people. In 2007, one of these "gangs" hunted down and murdered the deputy mayor.
Via Wikimedia Commons
Pondering the city that they'll soon control.
The primate gangs, which we're calling "Mon-Queda," represented a major threat to India's 2010 Commonwealth Games. So New Delhi enlisted the help of 38 trained langur monkeys to stand guard over game venues. And it's a good thing they did; thanks to the SWAT monkeys, no contestants were brutally murdered by roving bands of wild animals.
Via Wikimedia Commons
A defected monkey uses his powers for good.
Which is more than we can say for Mistar, an Indonesian footballer. During a game in 1995, he was run down and trampled to death by a "stampede of pigs" that apparently had a grudge against his team. And possibly Indonesian football altogether.
#2. Space Rock Strikes Cricket Match
Cricket is one of those weird sports that apparently enjoys a vast international fan base but has almost no visibility inside the United States. If the average American has any knowledge of cricket, it comes from Calvin & Hobbes cartoons and old Monty Python sketches. If America's national indifference to cricket is a little insulting, it's at least better than the aggressive dislike shown by outer space.
God plots his revenge on sports from his mighty moon throne.
In July, 2010, Sussex took on Middlesex in Uxbridge. Surprisingly, none of that was crazy British slang for sex. All it really means is that a whole lot of British people got together for a regional cricket championship. It happens all the time (we assume) and was shaping up to be a good, standard day of cricketing.
Until the sky fell.
An alleged meteorite -- estimated to be some 4.5 billion years old -- came soaring out from space and impacted the ground five yards from the field's boundary. The space rock, which Cracked experts believe to be either an alien declaration of war or an overly enthusiastic tribute to Robert Heinlein, broke in two on impact. One chunk flew up to hit a fan enjoying his beer.
Luckily, it was British beer, so he didn't feel it.
When asked about the incident, the fan said, "It came across at quite a speed -- if it had hit me full on it could have been very interesting." Which is proof that British sports fans are either the hardest fans on Earth, or the drunkest. We're going to go with "both."
#1. Goalkeeper Crippled By Man's Best Friend
Chic Brodie signed on with Manchester City's First Division Football League in 1953, aged 16, which is like winning an NFL contract, minus all the money and drugs and sex. By 1970, Chic had everything in the world going for him. He'd made more than 200 appearances with the Brentford Bees and his name was perfect for the upcoming Disco Years.
Tell them "Chic" sent you.
And then an errant sheepdog ruined everything.
Apparently the British didn't fence off their playing fields or anything back then, because a normal, run-of-the-mill sheepdog had no trouble making his way onto the playing field during a match between the Bees and Colchester United. None of the refs or managers seemed to think the little dog was worth worrying about. He ran about happily until a flying ball caught his attention.
And just like that, soccer became fetch.
Both Brodie and the sheepdog were so focused on their separate games of "catch" that neither noticed the other until it was too late. Man and dog collided, and Chic ended up with a shattered kneecap that ended his professional career.
We like to think that the arm sling is from him punching the dog directly into space.
"The dog might have been small, but it just happened to be solid," quipped Brodie about his life-altering injury. No word on what happened to the dog, but we have to think he left the field that day being very good at dodging angry soccer kicks.
For more bizarre tales from sports, check out 6 Insane Sports Stories That Will Make You Believe In Curses and 7 Great Sports Moments (That Might Have Been Fixed).