CRACKED ROUND-UP: Eviction Edition

Okay, so, apparently Cracked needs to find a new landlord who isn't quite so picky about tire fires and the occasional virgin sacrifice. The way our last guy freaked out, you'd think we weren't even living in Los Angeles.

Why do boys get all the fun summer Blockbusters? Soren shows us the four 80s girl's cartoons most deserving of a gritty reboot. Then, Christina took us through four reoccuring myths people just can't seem to kick. Brockway brought back Hollywood's best producers for an inside look behind the scenes of the new Paradise Lost flick. Brendan McGinley was next, with Superman and Batman's thoughts on the death of Osama bin Laden.

Been wondering why your old buddy Bucholz defriended you from Facebook? Wonder no more (he hates you). John Cheese followed up with the greatest actors in wrestling history. Or any other history. Seanbaby spent his whole week reading terrible Romantic books and then cursing the gods above for his birth. Dan O'Brien closed us off with the worst things about apartment hunting. Hint: Everything about apartment hunting is the worst thing.

BAD HEALTH

The 5 Most Terrifying Side Effects of Exercise Read this article, pop another Dr. Pepper, and relax on the couch with full confidence in your immortality.

Notable Comment:"Just use the restroom before you run, wear tight underwear and put a Band-aid on each nipple. =P"

You know, SiriusNova, that isn't bad everyday advice.

HELL DRUGS

6 Medication Side Effects Straight Out of a Horror Movie Don't do drugs, kids. Especially not the ones the doctor tells you to take.

Notable Comment: "How is the first one out of a horror movie? I take a medication that sometimes causes random, unexpected orgasms, and it's really not that bad. Now that I've trained myself to be someone discrete and quiet about them, it's actually pretty awesome."

You know, LoadGun, there are some things you really don't have to share with the Internet. This would be one of them.

LAZY WORKERS

The 7 Most Impressively Lazy Employees of All Time You want lazy? For a full year these Round-Ups were written by a robot we built out of two iPhones and an etch-a-sketch. It worked great until that killing spree.

Notable Comment:"The sad thing is, I'm posting this from work because there's literally nothing to do right now. I just spent the last three hours surfing because everything I could be doing has something wrong with it that it's someone else's responsibility to fix. I just have to sit here and make sure nothing goes wrong."

moosemaimer is the reason we're in a recession. The whole reason. Him alone.

BAD BLOOD

9 Absurd Movie Premises That Actually Happened Yeah, of all the movies we expected to have been based in reality, Zohan wasn't one of them.

Notable Comment:"I have to point out that in Die Hard 4, it was a heist disguised as a terror attack, just a cyber terror attack."

Actually, MintCondition, shut your stupid face. That movie had all the plot of an emergency bowel movement.

DANGEROUS INTELLECT

5 Unexpected Downsides of High Intelligence But we didn't count all the intangible benefits of intelligence. Like...knowing all the answers to old episodes of Jeopardy. And occasionally winning at scrabble.

Notable Comment: "Going to bed early, knowing I only get up to go to work, IS depressing."

Dumb people love their jobs, VKayed. And with a few weeks of regular paint-huffing, you will too.

Michael Swaim & Cody Johnston

The New iPhone Ads are Getting Out of Hand What are you cumming on?

YOU YOU YOU!

If Great Movies Were Ruined by Product Placement We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Boardgames You Wish Existed, What Happened to Characters After the Movie Ended and Bad Ideas for Video Games Based on Historical Events.