We may be the undisputed kings of the food chain, but when it comes to being pant-soilingly huge, we come up a bit short. We can hang out with tiny dogs and house cats until we feel like the T-Rex of our home -- but in the back of our mind, we know. Nature has produced terrifyingly huge and horrific organisms that could kill us without noticing, either by stepping on us, accidentally swallowing us the way we might swallow a fly or simply stopping our heart with sheer terror.
7A Crab as Big as Your Car
They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
Via Wikimedia Commons
In this case, almost all of them are some variation of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Japanese spider crabs, in what we can only assume is a cruel joke from God, possess all the most terrifying qualities of each of its namesakes. Lets just make a list, shall we? From spiders it has:
- Long spindly legs to help it creep through your nightmares.
- A terrifyingly disproportionate body just to freak you out.
- The ability to trigger the primal arachnophobe inside us all.
And from crabs it has:
- A hammer-proof body.
- Claws perfectly shaped for attacking soft human limbs.
- Years of pent up anger from seeing its family served with lemon butter.
These things can grow to sizes of just under 13 feet, or if you prefer, the size of a family car.
"For me? Awww, Tim Burton -- you shouldn't have!"
Luckily though they are only found in Japan and even then you have to go pretty deep underwater to find one. If you ever do venture that deep, you're on the crabs' home turf, but at least you could prepare properly -- those underwater flamethrower modifications are bound to work. And then you've got crab legs for the rest of the year, baby!