How much would you pay to be able to read another person's mind? As superpowers go, it's a hell of a lot more of a game changer than, say, flight. Your career, your relationships -- everything would change.
But experts say you can gather a whole bunch of intimate details about a person just by looking at them. No, it's not 100 percent accurate, and it's not magic. It's just science.
Remember back in high school when you were talking to that cute girl you really liked, but you couldn't tell if she liked you back, and your fear of rejection prevented you from expressing your feelings in any way apart from night after night of tearful masturbation? Remember when you did the same thing last week? Wouldn't asking someone out be so much easier if you knew how they'd answer before you asked them?
Science to the rescue!
How? Tell Me!
Experts will tell you it's all in the body language, but you know better. People -- and especially women -- are really, really good at feigning disinterest. Anything short of the woman outright grabbing your junk will be lost on most guys.
"I realized she was into me right around the time we started having sex."
But watch her feet.
Apparently, people aren't as conscious of their foot movements as they are of other parts of their body, and so their feet can unconsciously send messages about themselves. They did a study at the University of Manchester on this, studying subjects' foot movements in various social situations.
The angle of her heels says "I put out," but those knees say "not for you."
Specifically, they found if a woman moves her feet apart to adopt a more open-legged stance, it generally means that she's into you. However, if she finds you utterly repulsive, she will likely cross her legs or keep them tucked underneath her body. We'll, uh, let you figure out the symbolic meaning of those gestures.
And while we're on the subject ...
Of course, all of our male readers are already virtual experts on the subject of female sexuality. But for the rare, sheltered fan who isn't, we need to explain something about the female orgasm. When it comes to climaxing, ladies can do it two ways: from the inside or from the outside. The inside orgasm comes from the G-spot, and is super easy to achieve if her partner's penis is shaped like a letter "J." Most women, however, climax from the outside, or clitoral stimulation.
Some women require more ... elaborate measures to achieve orgasm.
If for some reason you are curious to know whether, say, the lady who delivers your mail has regular vaginal orgasms, there's an easy way to tell.
How? Tell Me!
By the way she walks. Not joking.
Rascal-bound women remain as damnably incomprehensible as ever.
A group of sexologists (which is apparently a thing) from the Universite Catholique de Louvain in Belgium studied the connection between the way a woman walks and her vaginal orgasm history. What else did you think sexologists studied?
They gathered a group of women -- half had never had vaginal orgasms, half had. And then, we shit you not, the scientists had to guess which group each lady fell into by the way she sashayed her stuff across the room.
"I don't know about you Dr. Stodgson, but I suddenly feel like this might be the most important study we've ever conducted."
And here was the kicker: It worked. The sexologists could determine whether or not the woman in question could have a vaginal orgasm with freaking 81.25 percent accuracy.
Now, we caution you against trying this if you're not a trained sexologist yourself -- we're not responsible for any injuries or incorrect conclusions drawn. But the experts say women who were climaxing from the inside had longer stride lengths, greater pelvic rotation and an "absence of both flaccid and locked muscles." In other words, they had a little shake in their hips, a little pep in their stride and didn't look like they were clenching a tennis ball with their thigh muscles. A loose but confident walk. Now you know, and you'll never, never un-know.
We're so sorry.
"Loosey goosey, babycakes."
Granted, most of the time you know somebody's political leanings because they will goddamn tell you. But not everybody broadcasts their beliefs via shouted slogans and bumper stickers.
Some of us prefer to start loud political arguments in the middle of crowded restaurants.
Fortunately, it turns out that there are subtle clues that indicate if a person is liberal or conservative -- you just have to know what to look for.
How? Tell Me!
And by "look" we literally mean "look," because eye contact is actually a great indicator of political beliefs.
The enlarged cornea means this person is extremely concerned with the deficit.
Researchers have found that during conversations, left-leaning people were more likely to follow the other person's "eye cues" than conservatives. Let's say you are having a conversation with someone and you suddenly take your gaze off them to look at something slightly to the right, say a cute person or a passing zebra. Liberals are more likely to follow your gaze and look as well, even if what you are looking at has no bearing on the conversation. If you look away again, they will follow your gaze again, and so on and so on, like two little puppies distracted by shiny passing balloons.
Statistically speaking, about half of you just glanced up at the ceiling.
Conservatives are almost never going to follow your gaze, but will continue looking straight at you, like robots. Those conducting the study speculated that conservatives held their gaze because, no lie, they don't like being told what to do.
"I reflexively reject the opinions of others and I have no idea why."