4Tongue of Darkness
We've all taken Pepto-Bismol dozens if not hundreds of times -- to settle our stomachs, to eliminate heartburn or just because we once heard that if you ingest enough calcium from the tablets, you'll get unbreakable Wolverine bones. It's in everybody's medicine cabinet; surely it can't do anything too weird to you, right?
Although drinking much of the liquid will cause Professor X-like telepathy and hallucinations.
Just ask Max Anderson. Max, like most people, had used Pepto-Bismol many times to treat an upset stomach with no complications. Then he took it one night, just before bedtime, for an upset stomach. When he woke up in the morning, turned to his wife and yawned, she took one look at him and immediately screamed, "What happened to your tongue!?" Confused, Max ran to the bathroom and found that his mouth looked like he'd been going down on Cthulhu all night.
The actual name of this condition is black hairy tongue, and although it looks like the start to either a flesh-eating infection or an argument about your burgeoning octopus fetish, black hairy tongue is completely harmless. Despite the name, it's not just your tongue that changes color; it's actually your entire gastrointestinal tract. Some BHT-stricken individuals also reported pooping out elongated charcoal briquettes later in the day. Hopefully they're just being descriptive there, and not holding the worst barbeque in history.
"I can't believe you butchered and cooked the corpses of our neighbors! You're so clever."
The condition is caused when the bismuth in Pepto-Bismol reacts with sulfur, common in many foods, to create bismuth sulfide -- the black substance. Like we said, it won't hurt you, but keep in mind that the effect can last for several days. So if it happens to strike you, be prepared to either give mini-lectures on basic chemistry for an entire weekend or to live with the reproach and disgust that our society unjustly heaps on the black-tongued.
Also, what the hell is that? A mohawk? You're barred.
Quick, what do you think of when we say "Viagra side effects?" Is it the four-hour boner? The look of terror in an elderly woman's eyes? Golf? It's probably golf. Well, whatever it may be, you probably don't think "Smurf Vision."
Well, the type of people who want to Smurf their Smurf on Smurfette probably do.
John Pettigrew just wanted what every 58-year-old man wants: Hot, leathery, waddle-slapping old-people sex. He had a controlled prescription for Viagra but claimed he was "having too much fun" to stick to the recommended dosage. After a night that almost certainly culminated in bowlegs and divorce papers, John woke up to a side effect shared only by Na'vi fetishists: He saw the world in shades of blue. At the time of this interview, John had spent 14 days with blued vision and worried that his normal vision might never return. He even claimed that he would "... give up all the sex in the world to be able to see a red letterbox again." This, incidentally, was indicative of another hitherto unknown side effect: traumatically misplaced priorities syndrome.
"But ... I pay for Viagra with a postal order."
And he wasn't just making it up: Though it's not advertised in the commercials -- stuffed to the gills, as they are, with physical innuendo for humpin' -- the side effect is listed right on Viagra's official website.
This happens because Viagra affects an enzyme in your retinal photoreceptors similar to the infamous boner-inducing one. The effect actually makes you hypersensitive to all light, but especially the blue wavelengths. It doesn't affect your vision otherwise; it just looks like you're seeing the world through light-blue-shaded sunglasses, or one of the cameras used to film Terminator 2.
"I need your Viagra, your boots and your motorcycle. I'm busy having a midlife crisis here."