Piracy accounts for 31 percent of all Internet traffic and, regardless of your personal opinion on the issue, it really does suck for a lot of game developers. But rather than just try to sue the pants off of everyone who ever logs into Bittorrent, some have started thinking outside the box a little.
These clever folks use much more subtly cruel methods to punish pirates. Like ...
6Arkham Asylum Turns You Into a Clumsy Batman
What makes Arkham Asylum so great is that it's the first video game to properly depict exactly how much of a badass Batman can be. You can track enemies with your detective skills, evade their attacks with your gadgets or simply whoop their asses with your impossible martial arts expertise. Previous Batman games, while not necessarily bad, required players to use a lot of their imaginations.
Man, fuck imagination.
In Arkham Asylum, video game Batman finally lives up to his full potential -- unless you pirated the game, that is, then he pretty much sucks.
What They Did:
The developers included a little bit of extra code to detect when the game has been pirated, a common tactic used to track a company's losses or simply mess with cheap people. The game is mostly unchanged when hacked, with one seemingly minor exception: Batman's glider cape is hilariously unusable and has the aerodynamics of a piece of cardboard riddled with bullet holes.
It's not that the cape is faulty, apparently; it's simply that your version of Batman doesn't know how to use it. Instead of gliding from one surface to another, Batman simply opens his wings over and over like a total ass-clown, causing him to lose altitude and fall down. It's like you're being forced to play with the pudgy Batman copycat from the beginning of The Dark Knight.
Wonder how that worked out for him?
All the other gadgets still work, so you can always fight your way across the level on foot, right? Well, yeah, except that without the glider cape you'll be completely stranded in a certain room -- you know, the one filled with poisonous gas. That's right, in the pirated version of Arkham Asylum, the always-prepared Dark Knight is such an useless idiot that he gets himself killed due to his shitty cape.
Much like our friend Timmy, back in fourth grade. They walled off every staircase with roof access that summer.
This trick gets misconstrued a lot as a simple game glitch, so you have people like this guy asking what's wrong with his game at the official Eidos message board ... only for the forum administrator to explain the situation and tell him: "It's not a bug in the game's code, it's a bug in your moral code [punk]."
That's the greatest Batman quote since "I'm counting on it."