The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the World

#7. The Boll Weevil Monument -- Enterprise, Ala.

Enterprise, Ala., is your average, prosperous, polite Southern town that has gained a measure of notoriety for its supposedly rather eccentric central statue. We don't really see what makes it so special, though. See, it's just your average neoclassical statue of a robed lady holding up a WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?

Via lndhslf72

The Boll Weevil Monument is the town's testament to the critter that destroyed the area's cotton crops in 1915. The reason behind this is understandable: The event made the townspeople convert to farming much more lucrative peanuts. What the town has decided to ignore, however, is the fact that the Boll Weevil Monument happens also to be a statue for honoring a beetle that fucked over the whole South during the Great Depression and can thus claim responsibility for countless deaths. Hold that torch up, Enterprise! Hold that torch up high!

#6. The Point Pleasant Mothman

Via Mo Kaiwen

Point Pleasant, W.Va., is one of those innumerable sleepy, anonymous little towns that make up the heartland of America. And, where some towns would decorate the town square with a statue of George Washington or Jebediah Springfield, Point Pleasant has what appears to be Robo-Mothra, waiting to take on Godzilla.

Via billy liar

Actually, that's the no-less-stupid Mothman, a mythical creature rumored to live in an abandoned TNT factory near the town and linked to a centuries-old curse, as the townspeople (at least those who are willing to discuss this at all) will happily explain to you. And what better way to celebrate the town's unique legend than a 12-foot-tall, silvery form made of red eyes and murder? And a manly thatch of chest hair?

#5. El Mesteno -- Denver

Via Lori Greig
We're assuming that if you look on the ground behind this fucker, you'll see that Satan has gotten thrown off his steed.

The Denver International Airport has something no other airport in the world has. Or, for that matter, wants. It's a statue of a horse called El Mesteno, and its demonic gaze is the very first thing greeting you when you step out of the airport building:

By Barry Gutierrez

Hey, did we mention that it's 32 feet tall?

El Mesteno, or "oh shit run it's the giant hellhorse" as it is more affectionately known, is the gatekeeper between you and Denver, and the price for getting any further is your soul. Which it incidentally took the second it laid those eyes on you, so you now have nothing to bargain with.

Via Denver International Airport

Yeah, we're thinking the people in charge of erecting El Mesteno probably should've taken the hint when it straight-up killed its sculptor.

#4. The Awakening -- Washington, D.C.


A number of iconic images are associated with Washington, D.C., the power capital of the world. The Lincoln Memorial and Capitol Hill are familiar to even the most casual moviegoer. But another monument in the city is a far more fitting analogy to the dogfight politics that take place behind every closed door of the city's power elite -- yet this one never seems to make it to the silver screen.

Via Daniel Morrison

It's an insane-looking 100-foot giant (is that Uncle Sam?) screaming its lungs out while struggling against the ground. Is this supposed to symbolize America, hopelessly struggling against quicksand? It's called The Awakening, but we're assuming that's referring to the awakening of whatever subterranean creature is dragging the old man under.

Via blahmni

#3. The Giant Eyeball -- Chicago

Via froboy

Jesus, look at that thing! You have to wonder how the logic behind building this one went.

"You know what's missing from the park?"
"No, what?"
"A three-story eyeball!"
"Come again now?"
"You heard me. Get to it."
"Yes, Azathoth the Great Conqueror will be pleased."
"Wait, what?"
"Oh, nothing. Just a cough. Now get to it."

The real horror of EYE is that you can't escape it -- it's not permanently affixed to any one spot. It's in Pritzker Park in Chicago today; tomorrow it could be in your city. It's a moving exhibition that is transported from park to park. So one night you're heading home after a big night out and you take a shortcut to your house through a familiar park, only to find yourself face to face with the 30-foot eye of Sauron. Staring. Judging.

Via TangoPango


#2. Santa Claus With Butt Plug -- Rotterdam


If you're in Rotterdam, you might as well take some time to see that famous 18-foot statue of Santa Claus you've been told about. But then you round the corner and see ... this.

Via zoetnet

Not only does his "tree" look like a sex toy that's ready to give you the gift of an embarrassing trip to the emergency room, but damn if that bell doesn't look like a bottle, too. Hell, this thing might just as well be renamed "the Ghost of that one and, incidentally, only Christmas when it was Uncle Henry's turn to be Santa." The statue of Santa Claus by Paul McCarthy was welcomed with open arms and installed by the Rotterdam city council, none of whom saw anything wrong it. However, it took the public roughly 0.63 seconds to give the statue the loving nickname Kabouter Buttplug.

Via Lollyman
It also comes as a giant red inflatable!

#1. Tubingen University -- Germany


How would you choose to dress up the facade of your Institute for Microbiology? Most people would answer something along the lines of "lots of pillars," or maybe "glass and steel" if you're of a more modern mindset. Then there's the guy who designed Tubingen University, who had only one thing in mind: giant stone vaginas.

Via Wikimedia Commons

And somewhere, right now, someone is photoshopping some Rule 34 porn featuring Stone Vaginas and Dildo Santa. Don't blame us for that.

Pauli Poisuo is a freelance writer. Visit him over at the Unpronounceable.

And see our plans to construct a tribute to Chewbacca in our book.

For more "masterpieces" that are anything but, check out 6 Best Shenanigans Passed Off As Art and 5 Works of Art That Can Probably Kill You.

And stop by Linkstorm to see what happens when the Cracked staff creates a statue.

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