8 Terrifying Skeletons of Adorable Animals

Skeletons are kind of scary. Or at least, they used to be. They were a horror staple back in the day, but they've become anachronistic and kind of goofy now. They're right up there with wart-nosed witches and sheet ghosts on the scare-o-meter. But that's just because we've been looking at the wrong skeletons. As with everything, it's really the cute creatures that are harboring the true horror, just beneath the skin ...

#8. Cthulhu!

Looks Like:

This is like something that crawled out of the deepest depths of the Bermuda Triangle, most likely from the wreckage of an ancient alien spacecraft from a distant planet that has evolved beyond compassion and mercy.

But Actually is...

Via Wikimedia Commons

We love platypuses: They have the grace of a duck, the furriness of an otter and the lethal poison-injecting feet of, uh ... what was that from again, platypus? But all that affection is gone now that we know they're packing a pair of industrial-size shears inside their goddamn heads. The playtpus' inexplicable existence has always been arguably the best evidence for the absence of an intelligent and loving creator within the universe. But now that we know the platypus has been hiding gargantuan mandibles inside its face this whole time, a few things have changed. Now we're sure of two things:

1. God absolutely does exist.

2. He's easily the best horror writer working today.

#7. Night of the Thing That Should Not Be!

Looks Like:

How should a man react when he finds a thing like this in the woods, reeking of death metal and Satan? Would you crack it open to free the imprisoned souls of the orphans that it no doubt contains? Or rub it three times to summon an apocalypse genie who will grant you an army of zombies? Or just run home, grab your Teddy bear and cuddle the shakes away?

But Actually is...

Via Peter G. Trimming

Oh God, look at that son of a bitch. He's the daintiest, most adorable little motherfucker in existence. He's so cute he's kind of making us mad. He's the animal equivalent of Tiny Tim. He might be small, but you just know he has big dreams.

That cute bastard, and the owner of that terrifying skull up there, is a muntjac deer. They're a small breed native to South Asia but have spread all throughout the world, as far as Japan and even England. And it's easy to see why: You'd take that overwhelmingly cute little fuckhead anywhere. You'd name him Carl, and he'd wear tiny turtlenecks. And then, when you finally got back to your native land, he would strip off his skin, play a bitchin' guitar riff and raise his army of hell-bangers from beneath the Earth. And you know what? You'd still kind of love him. He's just ... he's in your heart now, y'know?

#6. The Bogeyman Cometh!

Via promiselandranch.com

Looks Like:

Just when we thought everything was right with the world, we find something straight out of Guillermo del Toro's private nightmare factory. We've already decided two things about the previous owner of this skull: It could taste fear, and it drank children.

But Actually is...

OK, so actually not the most terrifying creature in the whole of existence ...


But compared against the cuteness of the animal it came from, that skull is so fucking unsettling that the very concepts of ratios and percentages fled in terror when we tried to use them to quantify it. There's not even a good reason that Bugs here needs a jawline shaped like the bastard child of a squid and an eagle. Lettuce and the occasional piece of carrot are all these little fluffy bastards eat, and we handle both of those things pretty well with our nonfreaky teeth, and almost completely without the use of razor-sharp superfluous beaks, thanks.

#5. Day of the Cyclops!

Via Wikimedia Commons

Looks Like:

People are always pointing to signs that the end is near. For some, it's pollution and global warming. For others, it's wars and plagues. But we're a little more optimistic than that. No, for us to truly accept doomsday, we'd have to see something like ... we don't know, maybe a giant goddamn Cyclops skull.

But Actually is...


Yep, that horrific destroyer of worlds is in fact just a lovable ol' rumbly-tumbly elephant -- the huge hole is where their trunk goes, their eyes are on the side. Who knew they be hidin' such freaky-ass head bones beneath that wizened visage? Hell, even the elephants are freaked out by their own skulls, to the extent that they've been shown to recognize and pay homage to the skulls of their own species. This is either out of a sense of mourning or a sense that they'd better not run the risk of pissing off whatever the hell that thing use to be.

Via animal.discovery.com
"Argh! Kill it again! Kill ittt."

If you believe a couple of paleontologists, the Greeks came up with the myth of the Cyclops because they discovered the skulls of prehistoric elephants in places like Cyprus, Crete, Malta and Sicily. That's right: The goddamn Spartans were so scared after finding these bones that the only logical conclusion they could come up with was that a gang of fucking immortal man-eating monsters used to live there, and they should probably get back to the boats before they came home.

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