If you never dreamed of driving a huge tank fitted with a giant chainsaw while growing up, then congratulations on having been a well-adjusted kid. As for the rest of us? Well, people like us grew up and built these machines for real. That's why right this moment, somebody somewhere is behind the wheel of ...
7The Chain Trencher, aka Chainsaw Tank
This looks like a battle tank used to fight a Cyclops, or a giant chainsaw with tank treads (which is exactly what you would use to fight a Cyclops). Either way, we imagine it can push its way through gridlocked traffic in spectacular fashion.
What It Is:
Actually, this one is exactly what it looks like -- a giant goddamn chainsaw with wheels. The chain trencher makes large gashes in the earth, usually used for laying pipe (heh).
Also, there are giant man-portable trenchers. The Warhammer guys totally called that one.
Vermeer, the company that manufactures the trencher shown above, makes models that can dig trenches up to 18 feet deep and four-feet wide, which is roughly the size of a fat giant. But that pales in comparison to the Tesmec 1675, shown in this video ...
Imagine all that dirt was Nazis, and you'll have some idea of how awesome our Wolverine screenplay is.
... which at its deepest can dig down 24 feet and as wide as 5 feet. This should give you a good foothold for building a subterranean lair.
It also kind of looks like a giant robot chainsaw penis.
Now, as terrifying as it looks, it can only go through dirt -- it won't help you cut through solid rock. No, for that you'd need ...