8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

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As we learned a few months ago, Amazon.com is apparently a hidden treasure trove of aspiring comedy writers. Digging up ridiculous products and writing amazingly sarcastic reviews for them has become the Internet's favorite pastime.

So let us salute more of these works of unappreciated genius.

Male Testicular Exam Model Anatomy

8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

Yep. That is a rubber scrotum. Before you pull out your credit card, it's currently going for about $150, and it comes with realistic tumors built in to train people how to check for tumors of the balls. Reviewers have found more uses though:

testes testes.... 1,2,3?, January 11. 2006 By Wendy Sherer Cosmetic Guru This review is from: Male Testicular Exam Model Anatomy (Health and Beauty)

Meanwhile, it seems like its intended use is problematic for the non-professional:

Very Disappointed., January 1. 2011 By Chase Kelii Morgan This review is from: Male Testicular Exam Model Anatomy (Health and Beauty) After following

And finally, Timothy has a practical cost-benefit analysis:

The more you feel 'em the better the value., August 11. 2010 By Timothy Poteet Timboliah Pants on Fiyah This review is from: Male Testicular Exam Mo

Just as an aside, the price being $151 now, that's only 302 fondles a month you'll need to reach that value target.

The Daddle

8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

Dads, do you like to give your children piggyback rides but don't find it creepy enough? How about an actual saddle? The kind you would put on a horse?

And there's no reason it only needs to go on dads. It can be used to evoke an uncomfortable feeling of misogyny just as well as it can evoke inappropriate images of adult-child contact.

A few Issues, February 13. 2011 By Creative Guy This review is from: Child Saddle for Daddy- Daddle ToY Saddle (Baby Product) My wife has a strong bac

Wandrwoman, clearly an experienced equestrian, has some practical tips:

Not Appropriate For Dressage!, December 30. 2010 By Wandrwoman Caped Crusader This review is from: Child saddle for Daddy- Daddle Toy Saddle (Baby P

American Flag Pants

8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

These pants were clearly designed for people with a love of America and a hatred of fashion. Or, you know, Napoleon Dynamite fans.

Bow to your sensei!. May 7, 2009 By Beefqun This review is from: 0500 otomix Bagay Workout Gym Pants - American Flag (Apparel) Take a look at these pa

How many reviews were entirely Napoleon Dynamite quotes? you might wonder, and the answer is six. Out of 28. Let's pass those and move on to:

Can wash with white, because these colors don't run. November 24. 2009 By T. Alan Taylor This review is from: 0500 Otomix Baggy Workou Gym Pants - Ame

Sorry, French people, we are never going to let that go. On a different tack, there's this guy:

WARNING!!!!!!!. November 28, 2009 By J. Short This review is from: 0500 Otomix Bagav Workout Gym Pants - American Flag (Apparel) It is too pedestrian

I cut that off right there because he went on to quote the entire U.S. flag code.

There is definitely a lot to think about there, like: "The flag should be hoisted briskly and lowered ceremoniously (section 6b)," and the section about how to display it at half-mast.

A Million Random Numbers

INSIDE! Click LOOK to A MILLION Random Digits WITH Normal Deviates 100.000 RAND

So once you get past the initial, "what a stupid book" impression, I'll tell you that once upon a time, when there were no computers, people needed random numbers generated for experiments and shit. So they actually looked in a book to get those numbers.

Anyway, we have computers now. So it's time to go back to sarcastically making fun of how useless this book is.

almost perfect, October 26, 2006 By a curious reader This review is from: A Million Random Digits with 100.000 Normal Deviates (Paperback) Such a terr

This one might take a little while to get, or maybe I'm just slower than you are:

Sloppy., July 27, 2005 By B. MCGROARTY This review is from: A Million Random Digits with 100.000 Normal Deviates (Paperback) The book is a promising r

Probably the most interesting phenomenon is that most of the recent reviews have themselves been random about completely different books or products. Whether this is a database glitch or people trying to be really meta in their reviews, it's pretty neat to be looking for random number jokes and then find:

Last of The Donkey Pilgrims, September 11, 2010 By Christopher Robare This review is from: A Million Random Digits with 100.000 Normal Deviates (Paper

Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black

8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

Amazon.co.uk brings us some of that trademark dry British "humour" (it is like "humor" but metric) in a whopping 224 reviews of an ordinary Bic ballpoint pen.

Satire is out in full swing as reviewers skewer the digital age with fairly fresh takes on the "this generation doesn't remember how pens work" joke.

Lack of Font options, 8 Dec 2010 By Knives See all my reviews This review is from: Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black (office Product) Whi

As good as some pointed social commentary can be, however, sometimes a person just likes to see a couple of penis jokes.

Meh... 18 Dec 2007 By Mr. J. N. D. Lewis Jack Lewis (Portsmouth, England) - See all my reviews REAL NAME This review is from: Bic Crystal Ballpoint

Elephant Camouflage Kit

8 Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews: Pt. 2

Those of you who care about things like "reality" and "truth" probably want to know if this is an actual product because you have lost your sense of childlike wonder. Fine. Proporta is a real company that makes mostly electronic accessories. For "humour" purposes (they are also British), they've listed this fake product on their own website for about $1.5 million, and when they ported their store to Amazon, that product got put up too.

Which is good news for us because that means it's open to Amazon user reviews, from good old straight-up sarcasm:

It's about time. September 26. 2010 By C hristy This review is from: Proporta Elephant Camouflage Kit - NEW I'm very pleased that amazon is finally of

To some fine elephant dong jokes (that's the censored word there, if you live in a bubble):

Great but has one flaw. January 14. 2011 By TheAngryPilgrim This review is from: Proporta Elephant Camouflage Kit - NEW This Kit works great and has h

Nuclear Duct Tape (Slate Blue)

3M O2 Perfornance ey Plus A tax 509

Official name: 3M 8979N Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape, Slate Blue 48mm Wide x 54.8M Long

You're probably wondering what is so "nuclear" about this duct tape, and if it's really that important that it's slate blue. Well, yes. According to the product description: "The slate blue color makes it ideal for use in nuclear tape facilities and it is certified for low leachable halogens and sulfur."

Apparently people who only use it to block low leachable halogens and sulfur are unambitious pussies because Amazon reviewers really seem to be getting 110 percent out of this tape.

Blue tape eliminates red tape, January 7. 2009 By honeybearsf (San Francisco) - See all my reviews This review is from: 3M 8979N Performance Plus Nucl

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