As we learned a few months ago, Amazon.com is apparently a hidden treasure trove of aspiring comedy writers. Digging up ridiculous products and writing amazingly sarcastic reviews for them has become the Internet's favorite pastime.
So let us salute more of these works of unappreciated genius.
Yep. That is a rubber scrotum. Before you pull out your credit card, it's currently going for about $150, and it comes with realistic tumors built in to train people how to check for tumors of the balls. Reviewers have found more uses though:
Meanwhile, it seems like its intended use is problematic for the non-professional:
And finally, Timothy has a practical cost-benefit analysis:
Just as an aside, the price being $151 now, that's only 302 fondles a month you'll need to reach that value target.
Dads, do you like to give your children piggyback rides but don't find it creepy enough? How about an actual saddle? The kind you would put on a horse?
And there's no reason it only needs to go on dads. It can be used to evoke an uncomfortable feeling of misogyny just as well as it can evoke inappropriate images of adult-child contact.
Wandrwoman, clearly an experienced equestrian, has some practical tips:
These pants were clearly designed for people with a love of America and a hatred of fashion. Or, you know, Napoleon Dynamite fans.
How many reviews were entirely Napoleon Dynamite quotes? you might wonder, and the answer is six. Out of 28. Let's pass those and move on to:
Sorry, French people, we are never going to let that go. On a different tack, there's this guy:
I cut that off right there because he went on to quote the entire U.S. flag code.
There is definitely a lot to think about there, like: "The flag should be hoisted briskly and lowered ceremoniously (section 6b)," and the section about how to display it at half-mast.
So once you get past the initial, "what a stupid book" impression, I'll tell you that once upon a time, when there were no computers, people needed random numbers generated for experiments and shit. So they actually looked in a book to get those numbers.
Anyway, we have computers now. So it's time to go back to sarcastically making fun of how useless this book is.
This one might take a little while to get, or maybe I'm just slower than you are:
Probably the most interesting phenomenon is that most of the recent reviews have themselves been random about completely different books or products. Whether this is a database glitch or people trying to be really meta in their reviews, it's pretty neat to be looking for random number jokes and then find: