If you've ever been a little girl or a guy with earrings, you've probably experienced the rite of passage of going to the local mall to get your ears pierced. And when you did, you probably remember that thing that they used to stick pretty little studs into your ears. It kind of looked like a cross between a stapler and a nail gun and was less painful than a quick immunization shot.
And if that was your ear piercing experience, you're probably thinking that "ear stapling" for weight loss isn't the craziest thing in the world. The Chinese have been using acupuncture for a kajillion years, right? Isn't this the same thing?
If jamming needles into your back is healthy, stapling your earlobes HAS to be?
In a word, no. Not at all. Because even though ear stapling is loosely based on auricular acupuncture (which isn't an actual science, by the way), we're pretty sure practicing acupuncturists don't leave needles in their patients ears for weeks at a time.
Pierced earlobes, though nasty if infected, are soft tissue and tend to heal even if the guy doing the piercing is picking his nose and eating a hot dog during the procedure. Staples, however, need to be placed at the exact right spot so that they hit the correct acu-points. Said points are located in the hard cartilage of the ear.
Piercings in the area will hurt like a bastard and heal much more slowly. Plenty of people have also had to deal with permanently disfiguring infections thanks to the stapling process. Oh, and the holes caused by the procedure are also very likely going to be there forever.
So, potential pain, infection, scarring and the fact that you have goddamn staples in your ears? All risks totally worth taking for a diet procedure that has absolutely no scientific studies whatsoever to back up its effectiveness. But it beats switching to salad and going for a jog every now and then, right?
"I'm putting on weight! Time to mutilate my face."
Show us a girl with a toe ring and we'll show you a girl with a butterfly tramp stamp. (Hint - It's the same girl.) But seriously, toe rings have long been considered the go-to jewelry of sassy broads and floozy foxes alike for years. And we're thinking those girls are going to shit a brick when they find out there are some rings that are specifically marketed to help women lose weight.
Which is more of a bonus than "Making you irresistible to foot fetishists."
Not by forcing them to run from the dozens of suitors chasing them on account of their sexy ass toe jewelry, as you probably assumed, but by making them silly walk.
Slim Rings consist of a pair of flexible silicone plastic rings that fasten around your big toes. Their main feature is a small bump that points downwards, so each time you put pressure on your foot, you shift the distribution of your weight. This causes the way you stand and walk to change, putting strain on less used muscles and thus supposedly making the muscles from your head to toe work more efficiently. The program is supposed to particularly affect the problem areas of the stomach and inner thighs, making fatassed people less fatassed and skinny people even skinnier.
Or photoshopped people even more photoshopped.
Of course, affecting an unnatural walking style can screw up your legs and posture. Or that you're voluntarily wearing the equivalent of a nasty callus on both your big toes instead of addressing any of the actual causes of weight gain, like diet or real exercise. Calorie counting is for the birds. Birds who aren't wearing magic rings on their toes.