How to Combine Two Wrongs to Make a Profit [COMIC]
Basic Instructions is a twice weekly updating web comic that offers absurd advice on how to live your life. Some of those updates will be happening here on Cracked.
Previously Scott has taught us How to Serve Slightly Chilled Revenge and How to Lose at Scrabble With Dignity.
Oh no. No no. The King's Speech was brilliant. I recommend it.
Reply...I am enraged at how brilliant a Hostess Fruit Pies Throwback stinger would be in a comic book movie.
ReplyIts a shame not so many people enjoy this. I for one find it pretty entertaining. Sure maybe not one of his best, but its not like complete s**t. Dude does have some pretty funny ones out there.
ReplyI usually like these comics, but this one made want to hurt people.
ReplyFans of this comic are starting to sound like Phil Collins fans in that they think it's genius and they'll never admit to be the absolute minority.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesBTW, 20 funny movies is ahead of this in total hits by more than 100.000.
I we all agree that you are absolutely and utterly right, will you shut up?
phil collins is awesome.
phil collins is awesome.
Ah man, they should throw in that cowboy cheese ball guy that teaches us how to make wagon wheels out of crackers and cheese. Like a scene where the hero (presumably Kid Rock) and twinkie the Kid break down along the road from a flat tire and the Cheese Cowboy shows up in a convenient but totally unintentional opportunity to make a new wheel out of crackers and cheese. Gold baby, that's solid gold.
ReplyEvery single one of these comments contains 90% of people b***hing it sucks, and people b***hing about those people. ANd vice versa.
Replyplus your 1% of b***hing about the people b***hing about how it sucks and also b***hing about the people b***hing about the people b***hing about how it sucks...
Damn, comments suck...
I usually like these, but this was pretty weak.
ReplyAgreed, this is one of the worser ones.
I like this comic though I do dislike using the whole "manchild" club to beat over our heads once again.
ReplyBecause 'man' is usually defined as someone who blindly, mindlessly worships at the altar called 'Responsibility Uber Alles.'
I too believe they should pick on the b***hes for a change.
Wow... just wow.
Okay, this "if you come here to b***h you're increasing the hits just the same" is the stupidest fallacy I've heard in the last half hour.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesJust for size, dig how many likes this page has. Now go to the "20 funny movies" page that was posted at the exact same time.
20 funny movies has 1312 more likes. Where is the most traffic going, then?
I would guess that most people who hate this comic tend to actually SKIP it (what I usually do), because they've read it before and know it's s**t. The people who comment about how much it sucks represent the demographic of those who foolishly tried to give it one more chance(like me, this time around).
It would be a much better deal for Cracked to publish a GOOD webcomic for a change, then they will get MORE hits because people will "like" them and recommend them to their friends on social networking sites and whatnot instead of just commenting on how much of a disappointment it is.
And it's not a proportionally small difference. 20 funny movies has TWO more DIGITS on the number of their likes.
I check this page hoping that its good. It simply sucks every time.
This comic couldn't break into writing for comedies on tv.
It is obvious why.
I'm sorry Daniel, but you don't know how Internet traffic works.
You see, this PAGE gets hits whether or not someone "likes" it. That "like" or "digg" or whatever simply alerts other people that hey, someone who I may or may not know likes something that I may or may not have read. It's ultimately pointless. And guess what? That demographic of people who give the comic one more shot seem to be the largest demographic, thus they are the reason that this comic is still being posted.
See, when you come to this page, you increase the traffic to this page by 1. Even if you come to say, "I always read these and I never like them durr", you're still increasing the traffic. It's literally the exact same thing as people who watch Jersey Shore and think that somehow their viewership doesn't count because they don't actually like the show. If that's the case then the c**ksucking Situation wouldn't have a goddamn book deal.
The Internet doesn't care whether or not you appreciate the content of its webpages, it only cares that you visit the webpages.
You don't understand my point. I'm saying that normal internet people, unlike me, don't waste their time with things they don't like, they don't waste time commenting on them, so they don't visit these pages. We don't know them, they never come here. The last time I myself checked this comic was maybe two months ago, but I have loads of spare time. Unlike most people.
The facebook "likes" are a clue that not many people are into this and not a lot of people are exposed to this link outside of cracked, therefore even though there is no direct relationship between facebook likes and page views, I imagine that traffic to this page is very reduced in comparison to others on this same site that are more 'liked' and get visible throughout social networking websites.
Unless people are linking this to their friends just to show them how lame it is, but I doubt that happens often enough to matter.
What I'm trying to convey in a very convoluted manner is that the people who come here to b***h (like me) don't amount to significant traffic.
BTW, at the time of this writing, 300 more people liked 20 funny movies. Whereas only 2 more liked this
Also, it wouldn't work for Cracked to publish a GOOD comic for a change, because I would HATE IT and SAY SO LOUDLY.
It was scott, it was.
ReplyIn this comment section:
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI DISLIKE THESE COMICS BUT I CONTINUE TO READ THEM FOR SOME REASON
guess we've got a lot of masochists in the house
probably also sadists, given how irritating their b***hing is to anyone with a lick of sense
OmG if you d0nt liek teh bad commentz then y do u reed them?
f**king idiot. These comics blow, and everyone commenter has just as much right to say they suck as much as you have the right to b***h about people who dont like the same things you like.
It's hard to tell if UsedGoods is parodying these b***hers and whiner, or if he is one.
You don't know if its a bad comic until you read it.
This comic never disappoints, in that it always disappoints.
Both, dvdmacyoshi. UsedGoods is parodying the b***hers in the form of xDethroned and also *is* one in the form of a Basic Instructions Hater.
There is some meta happening here. Someone call Christopher Nolan.
BWONGG!!
I'm sure Sam Elliott could use voice work (as Twinkie the Kidd)
ReplyFirst time I laughed out loud at this strip in - ever.
Nice comic, as always (stupid haters...) and it would be nice if movies just crammed all product placing into the post-credit extra part.
ReplyI never laugh at these comics, but I don't hate them either. The reaction is more "oh, what an amusing observation" or "how droll". as I sip a soda and whiskey.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesIt's good to be sophisticated.
It's good to have land.
I won't read it without my smoking jacket, pipe, and a snifter of sherry. It simply isn't done.
My Butler read it to me, whilst I played Croquet in the Garden.
Outrageous! *drops monocle on tea cup after eye widens in shock*
Well this simply will not do. Without that monocle, Vankay, you'll be nothing more than a person with a coat-tail. And land of coarse. But what real person doesn't own land?
Pretentious, all of you. I recommend an Academy Award. F-f-f-forsooth!
I think I fall in that range, minus the soda & whiskey. It's never really laugh out loud funny but I've read a ton worse.
i love these comics.
ReplyMe, too... that's why I click on it and read it. If I hated it, I would just skip it.
But SeanSutton, why would you do that? That's SENSIBLE!
Cracked, I'm sure everything you post gets a little comment-section hate. But seriously, the resounding response to these comics, since the beginning, has been that they are f**kING TERRIBLE. I honestly don't get it. Do you owe this guy a favor? Do you feel bad for him? No one likes these. They suck. Stop printing them, for the love of god.
Reply Hide All See All 11 Repliesyou obviously haven't been to the comments section recently. This is one of those comics that gets a pass
But they don't *print* them... Wait, how is it you view this site and post comments if you think it's printed?!? Are you SUPER rich and have an assistant who prints out every article, and then when you want to write a comment you scribble it at the bottom, and he enters it for you? THAT IS SO COOL! Hmmm... looking at internet porn must be a little awkward for you though.
"Sir, here are your printouts of Chunky b***hes."
"I'm bored with this site- take me to Midget Mayhem, NOW!!!"
Printing? Is that the right word for an online magazine?
But seriously, I like these comics. They aren't always as good as they could be but they usually get at least an eyebrow raise from me.
What the comments SAY doesn't matter...how MANY there are matters. If you don't want this comic here the best thing you can do is stop upping its views and don't leave a comment because that proves you care about the subject...which is all the advertisers who pay for this care about; how many people looked at this page and how many were interested, for good or bad. Also, the Cracked staff and many of us readers love this comic, so stfu.
Stupid double posts...
I'm a fan...
The response to these comics means beaver s**t. Cracked guides itself by the number of hits.
So you just made sure another check goes to Scott Meyers. And as someone who actually enjoys his work, I thank you.
Hey, B.C., the term "print" simply means the article/comic got approved by the higher-up's. They "print" movies too...but none of this ultimately matters. Good comic!
He should have said "publish" or even "green light" then, because "print" usually means "ink on paper".
I am a fan of this comic. If Cracked ever stopped running it I WOULD POST AN ANGRY COMMENT. So they'll never run the risk.
In the dark ages, yeah before God created Dinosaurs and Unicorns and Snooki, computers did not actually have screens. If you were talking to someone or running a program or doing most *anything* and you wanted to know what was happening, you would print it out on a printer. To "talk" to someone elsewhere you would hit a key telling the computer to "print" your message. Once screens arrived it was a natural act, certainly for those Neanderthals from Before Everyone Just Plain Knew Better, to use the term "print" when they wanted to put something up on the screen. This carried through for a time, but began to fade away even before Justin Bieber showed up on the scene, let alone after that one horrible time he actually made nooki with Snooki and accidentally hit the "print" button on his grandpa's ancient computer. Pee-Wee Herman was their offspring in spite of the problem time presents thereto.
As you can see, it's all relative.
STOP RENAMING SCOTT'S COMICS YOU DBS!
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesDamn double post
Agreed
^ Nice one.
^ Nice one.
i happen to always love this comic. it's dry. for the same reason people hated The Life Aquatic, they hate this. silly.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesyup.
No, people hated The Life Aquatic because it was a bad movie. People dislike these comics because there's no cursing or cleavage.
Hah!!! Excellent, Chris.
I love The Life Aquatic, but typically find these comics okay at best.
Did anyone else read "the hero" as "Fred Willard"? I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep so that could be it, but he would definitely make a good superhero.
Reply