#4. Frederico the Goat
In 1996, Frederico the Goat carried on the torch of Cacareco the Rhinoceros by running for mayor of Pilar, Brazil (Scroll down to the second article if you click that link unless you are really interested in whether Guyana will get a law school.)
Goats are already making progress in countries like Spain, where they can serve in the military.
Although highly popular (a convoy of 50 vehicles drove through town in support of Frederico), his candidacy was also highly controversial (someone shot at the convoy). That's why some people found it highly suspicious when the candidate was found dead under mysterious circumstances (His owner said he "had a lot of foam in his mouth"), especially since he was leading in opinion polls at the time.
An alternative explanation.
Much like President Kennedy, Frederico was cut down in his prime, leaving only questions of what might have been. Unlike Kennedy, we will actually never know what really happened.
#3. Rabbit Hash, Kentucky
Rabbit Hash isn't an animal or the remains of one, but a town. I can't name just one animal here because Rabbit Hash is an animal-electing phenomenon. They have been voting animals as mayor since 1998, partly because they have nothing better to do, and partly to get some attention.
And it's hard to blame them, since the town almost went under in the 70s and is basically being maintained by a historical preservation society. So sure, elect some animals and get some press. At least it's not like that historic black town that's only being preserved because of birdwatching.
"Look, kids! It's the only thing that will get people to care about you!"
But the thing is, the level of detail on the Rabbit Hash official website is a little nuts. For the most recent election (winner: Lucy Lou, border collie), there were detailed biographies of all 12 animal candidates, every one of them filled with terrible animal puns.
Example: "Pike is liberally conservative, but he is tired of the dog and pony show of politics." Hmm. "Although rumors have dogged him about the ladies..." Okay, that's enough.
I don't really blame Pike. I blame the handlers.
Meanwhile, the bloglike "Herb's Thoughts," on the front page, despite its hokey "down-home" dialect, doesn't always quite fit the mold of cutesy animal-electing family friendly stuntery, with quotes like: "My Daddy allus tole me that politics an' religion was jest like a penis!.......ya don't pull it out in public and ya don't dare try and cram it down my kids' throat!"
I'm not entirely sure if Rabbit Hash is going for the "cute gimmick so you come visit us" angle or the "make you uncomfortable so you pay us money to go away" angle. We all do what we must to survive.
#2. H'Angus the Monkey Mascot
First of all, yes, technically Stuart Drummond, the man in the monkey costume, was the name on the ballot, and he is a human being, as much as any Englishman can be.
However, he ran for office in his monkey mascot costume, which he wore in his job as official mascot of the local sports team. Although he spoke about actual local issues at times, his biggest campaign pledge was a banana for every schoolchild.
A promise he BROKE, by the way.
This election, in 2002, was the first time the borough of Hartlepool had voted for a mayor (I guess it's something boroughs don't usually do) so maybe they hadn't quite gotten the hang of it yet. Drummond claimed unequivocally that people had voted for him seriously based on his platform, saying "If anyone's suggesting people actually voted for a monkey, that is just demeaning to the public. It's a serious thing, voting. They know who they voted for and what I was standing for."
Apparently he stood for "H'ANGUS X".
But when that same reporter asked patrons of a local pub who'd they'd voted for -- the monkey or the man -- they replied, "The monkey, of course."
He was re-elected to a third term in 2009.
#1. Mayor Pulvapies
Sure, none of those mayors may have been human (except technically the monkey guy) but at least they've been some kind of living organisms. So the town of Picoaza, Ecuador, has them all beat, since it elected a brand of foot powder mayor in 1967.
He does look accessible.
Since it was election time, the manufacturer of the foot powder Pulvapies decided to make some tongue-in-cheek election-themed ads with the slogan: "Vote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies."
Picoaza took this literally, and Pulvapies won the election as a write-in candidate. This is like if Americans had watched the M&Ms election-themed ads and actually voted Blue M&M into Congress.
Would that have been so bad?
News after the election is hard to come by, but let's assume that Pulvapies never took office, because it can't. The town certainly still exists, so all we know for sure is that it didn't implode over the logical impossibility of voting a brand of foot powder into office.
But here is what it would have looked like if it had.
I think we can all learn a lesson from this, which is that next time you want attention or want to embarrass the political system (or both!), put an embarrassing non-human candidate on the ballot. Sure, you'll be wasting taxpayer dollars and contributing toward the erosion of faith in an already battered democratic system, but it'll be funny.
Note: You know who would probably never win an election? Cancer. That's why I'll be participating in a 100 mile bike ride to raise money for leukemia research, click here to find out more or donate.
Check out weeks past in which Christina explained 5 Reasons Why Parenting is One Place We Shouldn't Imitate China and 5 Wildly Popular Car Modifications That Must Be Stopped.