CRACKED ROUND-UP: Amateur Boxing Edition

This was the first week of the Cracked Interoffice Boxing tournament. As long as we drug Brockway first, we're pretty sure we can keep intern casualties down to three or four a month. It's a good thing we get them by the gross.

Every year can be measured in disappointments. Soren shows us what products will turn to shit in 2011. Bucholz sombers things up with a gut-wrenching interview with Caps Lock, the most misunderstood key. Cody gave us a State of the Union that was actually relevant while Seanbaby translated schlock for the deaf. Dan O'Brien closed us off with five books that would shake the foundations of society- if they were ever published.

HARDCORE PUSSY

6 Cats More Badass Than You (And Most Superheroes) You don't need opposable thumbs to sink a battleship.

Notable Comment:

"Fun fact: if you let go of a cat in the air in a zero-G environment, they can't turn themselves over. Also, they flip out."

thesounddefense speaks like a man of experience.

DO NOT READ

17 Images That Will Ruin Your Childhood What do you call the opposite of a public service?

Notable Comment: Kingbadass sums it all up pretty well, "Damn that hurt, but hey at least ... aw f*ck it"

CLASSIC CONFUSION

6 Pieces of Music That Mean the Opposite of What You Think Wagner was basically the anti-semetic Led Zeppelin of his day.

Notable Comment: "Surely I can't be the only one who can't hear "Ride of the Valkyries" without singing "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..."

jbwarner86 sums it up for a generation.

MOVIE LOGIC

The 7 Most Ridiculous Movie Character Overreactions It's best not to analyze popular culture too deeply.

Notable Comment:

"Because chamber pots, even animated ones, do not possess opposable thumbs..."

Begins-With-M clearly only buys budget chamber pots.

SCIN-CRAWLY

10 Creepy Plants That Shouldn't Exist This is one of those articles that keeps on playing, even when you close your eyes.

Notable Comment:

"Ill just be the first to say that FUNGUS ARE PLANTS!"

Yes, NintendoSpell, you are the first person to say that.

YOU YOU YOU!

Two Awesome Products Combined To Make A Terrible One We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Everything Was Designed by 5 Year Olds and Disastrous Literal Interpretations of Metaphors.

1.27.11:

China started taking payment's on America's debt in installments...
by Joey_09876

Editor's pick:

Christ, Glenn. Can't you just come to work in a Prius like the rest of us?
by Abaddonalpha

1.26.11:

"Ground hippie to scaffold hippie. Come rip this bong, dude. Over."
by Zombiecross

Editor's pick:

Sometimes, even if you build it, no one will come.
by Mario!!!

1.25.11:

Most people are surprised when they take their computers apart and see how they actually work
by bcanders

Editor's pick:

It's comforting to know that even model train enthusiasts have someone to look down on.
by Diasdiem

1.24.11:

After His fall, the Dark Lord Sauron was forced to swallow his pride and find work wherever he could
by jokerswild312

Editor's pick:

And yet, I can't smoke in a bar.
by jtklove

1.23.11:

C-mart?! Why you no get A-mart?! You no play xbox no more, you study!!
by savinator

Editor's pick:

"I know this is sexist, but let's keep walking and see if we can find a Double D Mart."
by billfold

1.22.11:

"I promise honey, I will spend more time with the kids"
by http://www.cracked.com/members/WabiSabi333

Editor's pick:

"...Actually, we're Methodists."
by CzechpointChrly

1.21.11:

I don't know what the fuck this is, but America had better build a bigger one, and fast.
by Abaddonalpha

Editor's pick:

Shit, I just locked my keys inside.
by williwan