When it comes to marriage, there are a lucky few who manage to land somebody way out of their league. Rarer still is the segment of this over achieving population who appear to just hate it: "Eeuw, I'm rich! I have a hot wife! God, how did I end up in this awful situation?" We don't know what's wrong with them (our leading theory is something called Self-Destructive Penis Syndrome) but good lord is it fascinating.
6Princess Margaret and Antony Armstrong Jones
Princess Margaret (Queen Elizabeth's kid sister) was still reeling from a failed romance, and so was ripe for the kind of hasty, poorly considered rebound relationship that Mr. Antony Armstrong-Jones specialized in.
You know what they say about ladies on stamps, right? We don't, but someone must.
Though he was a well-known celebrity photographer in his own right - mostly famous for his "creative" portraits where he had subjects pretend to be a table leg or stick their heads through a toilet seat - he definitely fell in the realm of "commoner" as far as the royal family was concerned, and that made theirs the first marriage of royalty to a commoner in roughly 450 years. They even had to invent an earldom for him (the Earl of Snowdon) when Margaret got pregnant, so the royal baby wouldn't be born without a title and doubtlessly get picked on by all the other royal babies.
Here they are on vacation in Arizona. All the fences made it easy for Snowdon to disguise his height.
His marriage to Princess Margaret was "like Cinderella in reverse," according to rival photographer Nicky Haslam. But Tony didn't think it was such a big deal. Not only did he flout royal customs like walking two steps behind his wife in public but normal human being customs as well, like not cheating on your wife with other women and particularly not cheating on your wife with other men.
Moments later, he gave a "royal edict" to the cameraman in a nearby broom closet.
Although it wasn't all bad, as this horrible sham marriage did set up one of history's best zingers: When Margaret was asked how the queen was doing, she responded by asking, "Which one? My sister, my mother, or my husband?"
Oh, dang, Snowdon! You need some Royal Jelly for that ROYAL BURN?!
We're guessing the countless pansexual orgies softened the sting.
Tony was such a terrible husband that he felt the need to get a running start at failing his marriage. So he conceived a child during a threesome with his best man and his best man's wife a few months before the wedding. Margaret later cheated on him as well for revenge, but she was, simply put, out of her league.
"Ha! Just one lover? What is this, open mic night? Leave the infidelity to the professionals, Margaret."
He continued his photography work and demanded she respect it, but didn't pay the slightest respect to her station ("Yes, yes, dear, of course you're a princess. You're a doll. You're wonderful.") He tried to make up for his indiscretions by leaving her little notes in books he knew she would read, which is a wonderfully romantic gesture...except his notes tended to be lists of "things I hate about you."
Why was this guy so full of himself that he took marrying a princess for granted? Some say ego, some blame Margaret, but his prep school classmates probably have the real answer here: He had a monster dong. And that lets you get away with anything.
So that's why he needs a wheelchair.