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7 Silver Linings Now That You've Lost Your Job

It was bound to happen. In this tough economy, where businesses are cutting costs everywhere, there was no reason to think your company would be immune. You'd done your best to make yourself invaluable to the corporation, but now that there've been layoffs (or singular "layoff" really, as it's apparently only you for now) you and your coworkers (again, just you mainly) will have to find some way to get by.

But even now, in your darkest, dampest hour, there is a lighter side to all of this. What could be a soul-crushing experience that leaves you a bitter, stinky shell of a person may actually have some high points. Below, we've listed some of these high spots that illustrate the lighter side of being forcibly unemployed. We hope these will help you get on with your life, or at least stop crying in your car.

#7.
No More Commuting

Whether in a car, a bus or clinging to the side of a train, commuting to and from work every day is just awful. It might seem like a small thing, but not having to deal with stalled cars, or that wet homeless person smell that permeates every corner of public transit, will make every day that much better.


What You Can Do Now:

Pretend your bed is a car, then drive it straight to Naptime Junction, a four hour round-trip, every day.


Go ahead and use the neighbor's hammock. They're at work.

#6.
De-stress

As everyone who's ever taken a vacation will know, it takes a certain amount of time away from the desk to really start to relax -- weekends usually aren't enough. So this short-term career re-scoping process (call it that from now on) will give you the perfect opportunity to finally get your blood pressure down. While your former coworkers are screaming with stress and their hearts are exploding in a mist of blood, you'll be kicking back with the complete DVD box set of some stupid TV show from your childhood ... finally at peace.


Fraggle Rock soothes the demons.

Or maybe take a trip. Traveling is one of the most effective ways to cram new, original experiences down your sensory gullet. Multiple studies have shown that new experiences make humans happy and more satisfied with life, and now you've got the time for it. Even if it's just to find out how the television channels are a bit different in neighboring states.

What You Can Do Now:

Pick a place you've never been before, and go there. If you don't have the money to go there (you don't) go to Omaha instead. Omaha is incredibly cheap, and has an Orange Julius.

Or, just take this time to read a good book, read a bad book or thumb through a book before setting it aside and building a cushion fort. With the power of your imagination, the whole world is a book!


If pillows excite you this much, it may be time to re-evaluate your life choices.

#5.
Hobbies

No one grows up wanting to be a data entry clerk -- indeed it would take a really unfortunate upbringing for a child to even comprehend what that was. And yet, that's what you were doing for 40 hours a week. (Or about 10 hours a week, if we're being honest about all that time spent "checking your emails.") So now that you have all this time to spend not entering data, you should use it to pursue one of your other interests.


Make sure it's not something you'd abandoned at age 14.

What You Can Do Now:

With the lack of income, it's advisable to pursue one of your cheaper interests, like meditation, long walks or collecting interesting sticks. If you don't have any of those interests, maybe consider being more realistic.


Chicks dig butterfly catchers.

#4.
Pants Abandonment

Wearing pants is an important part of the social contract -- covering up the worst parts of men, and some of the better parts of ladies -- allowing society to focus on getting important work done. But as you're no longer a part of society, you can now safely get by without the hassle. What is the hassle you might rhetorically ask?


Getting out of bed in the first damn place?

  • Cleaning them.

  • Putting them on.

  • Taking them off.

  • Binding of fabric.

  • Realizing your fly's still down after you left the restroom.

  • Realizing your fly's still up after you've started urinating.

What You Can Do Now:

Consider some of the following pants substitutes for your day-to-day, society-of-one garb:

  • Shorts

  • A Towel

  • Underpants

  • Kilts

  • Most of a newspaper

  • Barrel with straps

  • The Un-judgmental Wind

  • Random

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