CRACKED ROUND-UP: Black Friday Edition

Capitalism orgy guys! Everyone stand in line for eleven hours and then max out your credit cards on discounted HDTVs and bulk gaming equipment. Nothing props the economy up like rash, thoughtless spending on fancy toys.

We don't often do 'journalism' here at Cracked. But Soren surprised us all by infiltrating the Green Movement and reporting on their doings to our nefarious hippy-hating overlords. Bucholz went out on Black Friday to scan the lines and talk to crazy people. Next, Brockway prepared a guide to sipping whiskeys to help deal with those post-shopping tremors. Dan closed us off by breaking into innocent homes bare-ass naked. 'Tis the season!

UNAPPRECIATED

5 Famous Scientists Dismissed as Morons in Their Time See kids? Even if you work hard, dedicate years of your life for study and legitimately revolutionize mankind's understanding of the universe, you still might end up a broke, depressed shell of a man.

Notable Comment: Arguments about Creationism and the proper use of the word 'hanged'? This comments section has it all!

EYE LIES

17 Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped (Part 7) Nature is the greatest photoshopper of all.

Notable Comment:"The only images I know aren't photoshopped are the mindimages I get when reading The Holy Bible. Ezekiel 23:20 KJV! God Bless!"

CREEPY ROBOTS

5 Creepy Ways Humans Are Plunging into the Uncanny Valley When everyone looks like a terrifying cartoon mutant sex monster, racism will finally be a thing of the past.

Notable Comment:"Meh. f**k the uncanny valley s**t. As long as it looks female, has a vagina and isn't an actual corpse I'll f**k it."

Crapeddotcom speaks for so many of our readers.

HOLLYBULL

6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive Thanks to Movies Apparently, repeated blows to the head with blunt instruments actually aren't something you just 'shake off'.

Notable Comment: "I used to work for an insurance company, paying anesthesia claims. There was a running joke we had: "It costs $1 to put you to sleep, and $999 to make sure you wake up again." "

Wow, moosemailer, it takes a lot of courage to admit working for an insurance company in this day of Internet viruses and stolen identities.

ON-SCREEN FAILURE

7 Movie Badasses Who Completely Fail to Deliver Seriously, couldn't they have given Quint like, two or three henchmen sharks to kill? We wanted to see him rip a shark's jaw out and use it to bite a second shark's throat out.

Notable Comment: "Whats a dengar ?"

Good boy, Marilynmanson6. You get a cookie.

Agents of Cracked

Which Apocalypse would be the Most Fun You should never lose sight of your priorities, even during the apocalypse.

YOU YOU YOU!

If TSA Security Measures Were Even More Invasive We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Small Changes to Good Ideas That Would Make Them Disasters

11.25.10:

"I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. For that you get the nose, the pants, the whole damn thing"
by AnalogGus

Editor's pick:

A horrible typo unleashed Spooge Blob onto an unsuspecting public.
by savinator

11.24.10:

SPOILER ALERT: He still doesn't catch the Roadrunner.
by Diasdiem

Editor's pick:

When you can distill moonshine AND siphon it into your mouth WHILE jumping the grand canyon, I'd say you've got covered everything.
by Zombiecross

11.23.10:

No, that's NOT what we meant by Imperial Walkers.
by CavalierX

Editor's pick:

I see at least four people have leveled up.
by HMS_Ford

11.22.10:

"I AM shooting them in the face, honey! Why do you want all these pictures, anyway?"
by ChaseMitchell

Editor's pick:

What do models and zombies have in common? They are both dead inside.
by McFancyFeast

11.21.10:

"Resistance? 'Tis nought but futility! Thy distinctiveness shalt be added to our own! Verily!"
by Kamikaze Phoenix

Editor's pick:

In the niche genre of steampunk gay porn, Sir Edward Bumtickle is a superstar.
by RodneyHardman

11.20.10:

The mime's silent protest was going well until clown control showed up with night shticks.
by its-a-sexytime

Editor's pick:

Begun, The Clown Wars have.
by ChaseMitchell

11.19.10:

"Hurry, we have to fill some random bricks with these gold coins before Mario shows up!"
by HUMLY

Editor's pick:

The army of mice looked out over the square. Their general was frustrated. This HAD to be a trap. He could just feel it.
by jtklove