5 Reasons Women Are As Shallow As Men (According to Science)

#2. Money (but Not... Actually Yes it's Just Money)

The term "gold digger" has probably been around longer than people have actually been digging gold out of the ground, so again, it's not a surprise to anyone to say women can be attracted to the rich. Let me make it clear, I am in no way on board with those who say that all bitches be gold diggers. Many shawtys care about a lot more things before wealth. But we're not talking about ladies as a whole, just the shallow ones, and even the majority of us are a little shallow sometimes.


Which is how "The Bachelor" can exist.

That's why we apparently prefer men in nice cars. Women preferred a man photographed in a Bentley to the same man photographed in a battered Ford Fiesta. Men, on the other hand, didn't give a shit what car a woman was driving because they were staring at her chassis if you know what I mean.

These were the only two cars they tested, apparently, which leaves open the question of whether the woman was judging him on wealth or taste. I would be dismayed by a date showing up in a beat-up Euro-car in the same way that I would be dismayed by him showing up in golf pants. I don't care how much they cost. And if she's considering dating him, she's probably imagining getting in the car, which again, is a more disappointing prospect when it seems likely to be full of cheeseburger wrappers than if it appears to have been cleaned by a manservant.


I don't care how much that car cost, I wouldn't get in.

It's not necessarily a wealth question, it's like a woman being given a choice between going to a guy's basement and watching him play Xbox or going for a walk in the park. It's free either way, one is just really lame. They should have compared a minivan to a Civic Si to see how much lameness came into it if the cost was equal.


Chicks always want to get all up in my hot ride but unfortunately I am not gay.

Questionable experimental practices aside, another study shows that women tend to have more orgasms with wealthy men. Note that most of the data for that comes from China, though, where "wealthy" often doesn't mean "able to buy nice cars" but "able to buy A car."


Like the "Chery QQ."

Part of the effect probably comes from the fact you can enjoy sex more when you're not worried about your family starving, but put together with studies done in Germany and the U.S., there seems to be a definite trend showing money is sexy to many women.

I assume the curve flattens out eventually, and women aren't rushing to leave men worth $40 billion to hook up with a guy worth $50 billion. I mean, how many orgasms can one person handle?

#1. Penis Size (but Not Length)

Penis length is a much, much bigger deal to men than it is to women. The idea that women will do anything to get their hands (or other parts) on a long penis is a myth most likely perpetuated by the big penis industry. They just want you to come back to the penis store year after year and buy longer penises. (They never really explained this clearly in health class, I assume that's where you get them.)

Studies say 66% of women do not care very much at all about penis length. Many women even complain about them being too big.


Where something is going is at least as important as how big it is.

Many women do care about penis girth however. Which just seems logical. I mean, unless the lady is very weirdly shaped, extra penis inches longer than the average just kind of goes to waste. Whereas, uh... expansion... within the effective area... would have an impact. So to speak.

But whatever your configuration, your lady is probably fine with it. 85% of ladies are fine with their man's penis size whereas only 55% of their men are happy with it. Which makes it about the reverse situation from a lady complaining about how fat she is and the man constantly having to tell her she looks fine.


And then she doesn't believe you, just like you don't believe her about the penis.

Where do guys get the idea that length is the key, though? According to that article, the boys' locker room (63%) or porn (37%). If you're trying to get a longer penis, you're not trying to please shallow women. You're trying to please shallow men. Think about that.


"Wow, did you see Justin's? You really must."

So yeah, while your average shallow frat boy is ogling boobs and butts, your average shallow strumpet is eyeing guys that wear red, flash some green, work out, and, uh, have wide penises. Don't take notes. Neither group is worth catering to. Don't get me wrong -- we probably all care about that stuff to some degree, but for most of us, it's lower down on our lists.

Normal people care about more important things. Like whether they can cook.


Sold!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

1,561 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!