Getting married is pretty much one of the hugest deals in most people's lives, and women worry themselves sick over every little thing until it's over. But they can take comfort in knowing that no matter how bad the ceremony goes, the cursed wedding of Maria Vittoria dal Pozzo, 6th Princess della Cisterna was far, far worse.
When Prince Amedeo of Savoy announced that he was going to marry Maria, King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy was completely against the marriage. For one, he thought his dapper son could have done better than a mere "Duchess consort." Secondly, his son's chosen bride was not of royal birth. Basically, King Victor was a man of very high standards.
The man's cape came with a cape.
Nevertheless, Prince Amedeo I married Princess Maria on May 30, 1867 in an event that can safely be described as the single most god-damned wedding in recorded history.
The wedding day kicked off with the bridal party discovering that the woman responsible for laying out the Princess' wedding dress had "hanged herself instead of the bridal gown." A superstitious Maria insisted on being married in a different gown (and honestly, most of us probably would too).
Then, as the bridal party made their way from the palace to the church, the colonel leading the procession fell off his horse and died of sunstroke. After they found a replacement for him, the party was stopped again at the palace gates, which for some reason refused to open. The gatekeeper was sent for, which is when they found him laying dead in a pool of blood.
Immediately after the wedding, the best man toasted the couple by shooting himself in the head. The party promptly hauled ass to a nearby rail station, we're guessing to take the first train out of town. But even this hit a wall as well, once the man who drafted the marriage contract fell into "an apoplectic fit", which is old timey speak for massive internal bleeding -- usually in the brain -- that almost immediately results in death. It's amazing that they even had a phrase for that. Anyways, after that, a stationmaster got pulled beneath the bridal carriage, bringing the body count for the day to five.
At this point King Victor Emmanuel II realized that this wedding was going to cost him a fortune in funeral expenses, and insisted that nobody was to board the train and instead tiptoe as quietly as possible back to the palace before the gods realized there was someone else they forgot to kill. The retreat went splendidly until a certain Count of Castiglione also got pulled under the wedding carriage, "crushing his new Order of the Annonciade into his chest and wounding him beyond hope", a phrase which here means "he was stabbed in the heart by his medallion."
The Count was the last one to die, but the wedding jinx of Maria Vittoria dal Pozzo and Prince Amadeo I didn't officially end until ten years later when Princess Maria died after complications from childbirth at age 29.
No matter how irritating the drunk girl in crocs and a tube top screeching into the microphone on karaoke night might be, we all manage to resist the urge to punch her in the face with a knife. But such a girl might not be so lucky in the Philippines, where the wrong song can get you killed.
"Seriously. Please stop."
And we mean specifically the song "My Way," by Frank Sinatra. At least six people have been killed while singing it at karaoke there over the last ten years. Click that link -- that's the New York Times, kids. This is real.
Now, it would be pretty weird if each of the victims had died in some supernatural way, say if they were shot by the ghost of Sinatra. But they weren't. They were merely murdered. Why? Does the song contain some subliminal message of violence detectable only by Filipino ears?
Who knows? In one case, a 29 year-old was shot dead by a security guard because he thought the guy was off-key. In another story, the friend of one singer overheard the people at the next table commenting on how shitty he was, so the friend (an off duty cop) stood up and drew his gun on them, chasing them the hell out of the bar and forever convincing the man's family to not play "My Way" at family gatherings.
Philippine Idol must be, like, 8000 times more awesome than the American version.
Interestingly, this seems to be a purely Philippines-specific problem. Apparently, karaoke bars in the Philippines are comparable to the Tarasco bar in Desperado.
Pictured: a spirited rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'".
Theories about the ability of "My Way" to trigger incandescent rage range from the song's ability to "evoke feelings of pride and arrogance in the singer" to "It covers up you failures", both of which karaoke fans of the far east view as reasons to level a murderous ass-kicking. So, as explanations go, "supernatural curse" would be quite a bit less weird.
A cell phone can seemed cursed for any number of reasons, from endless spam text messages to ringing in the middle of a diamond heist. But at least they can't kill you.
That is, unless your number is 0888-888-888.
"Holy shit! 10,000$ in debt settlement!"
The number was originally issued in Bulgaria back in the early 2000s and has passed through a few hands since then. Everyone who's had it is dead. Every. Last. One.
The number belongs to Mobitel, a Bulgarian mobile phone company, and to date it has claimed 3 lives. In 2001, the original owner and Mobitel CEO Vladimir Grashnov died of cancer. The number was then given to a mafia boss named Konstantin Dimitrov, who got shot to death while out having dinner with a model in 2003. Finally it wound up in the hands of a businessman named Konstantin Dishliev who caught some bullets outside an Indian restaurant in Bulgaria's capital in 2005.
Both Konstantins were crooked as hell (the first one was a mob boss and the second a corrupt businessman at the head of a drug empire) and were likely killed by Russians who didn't like the competition, but there is something inherently creepy about two guys with the same name in similar lines of business both dying the same way at similar locations while carrying cell phones with the exact same number.
Sometimes curses look like this.
Since then Mobiltel has suspended the number indefinitely. When questioned about the chain of events, a Mobiltel representative was quoted as saying "We have no comment to make. We won't discuss individual numbers."
For more stories to get you in the Halloween mood, check out 6 Popular Monsters Myths (That Prove Humanity Is Doomed) and 6 Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of.
And stop by Linkstorm to learn which columnist's house is haunted by the ghost of Ross Wolinsky.
Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infograpic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!