Sometimes people ask questions that there are no right ways to answer. Sometimes they are deliberate trick questions, like, "Why is Obama afraid to show the public his birth certificate?" (the one that is available all over the Internet) or "Do you think she looks better than me?"
But a lot of times people honestly ask the wrong question without knowing it. Here are some I see guys continually asking about women, along with the question they should be asking if they actually want an answer.
1"Why Do Girls Like Jerks?"
The right question:
"What does [girl I am interested in] like in a guy?"
Are you attracted to girls based solely on how "nice" or "jerky" they seem? Why would they be then?
You don't even have to stop being a misogynist to recognize girls evaluate men in more than one dimension. Even a shallow girl looks for more than one thing. What about looks? Money? Fame? Penis size? Any of those could be higher on the checklist than "nice/jerk." And every girl is different.
For example, I like a guy who is smart, sarcastic and good at video games. (Hey, I can open my own jars but I can't get past the Meat Circus level of Psychonauts on my own.)
OK, OK ... I couldn't even get past Black Velvetopia.
One of my friends used to have a thing for blue eyes, and another needed to find a guy that shared her musical talent. And on the other end of the spectrum, I've had friends that just need to check for a penis and they're good.
Being nice is important to us, but it's not a free ticket to the bedroom if you've got none of the other things.
Just to be clear, there are actually girls for whom jerkiness is the first thing they're drawn to (or rather, they're drawn to other factors that tend to come packaged with jerkitude). But for a lot of them, this is because they've grown up being mistreated or abused, so trying to take advantage of that makes you a dick.
2"What Does a Girl Mean When She Says X?"
(Note: The above is a real iPhone app, by someone named Simon Poon.)
The right question (Plan A):
"Girl, what did you mean when you said X?"
Believe it or not, there is, in fact, no universal woman-code language. A girl who says she is "not ready for a relationship" may literally mean the very idea of dating terrifies her at the moment for whatever reason. She may be politely avoiding telling you that she doesn't find you attractive. She might be the manipulative harpy some men think all women are, and is playing games to see how much you want her. And of course, she may be a hipster who finds the word "relationship" too conformist and wants to have a "cooperative sex-love venture" with you.
"Are you participating in this venture or not?"
So which one is it? Well, Plan A --and I know this is going to sound crazy -- is to ask her. I'm sure that you, the socially well-adjusted Cracked reader, would have already done that, but many people will just nod in understanding at the girl and then run away to ask other people, or complain on the Internet. I'd strongly suggest Plan A, but if that goes wrong, like she's terrible at explaining things, you might have to ask someone else.
Like if you were talking to Miss Teen South Carolina.
The right question (Plan B):
"What did [specific girl] mean when she said X?"
Here I would suggest asking someone -- and this is going to sound crazy again -- who knows her. Not someone who knows "girls," someone who knows this girl. "What does a girl mean when she says X?" is going to get you nowhere, but "What does Sheila mean when she says X?" might actually turn up something -- if you're asking someone who knows Sheila.
If you're asking someone who doesn't know Sheila and you get an answer, I would mentally cross that person off your list of people to ask for advice in the future.