The Internet is enormous. And given that it has, up to this point, been almost completely anonymous it's not surprising there are some pretty strange parts. So it takes a mind-bending, almost admirable level of dedication to stand out among the tangle of crazy. These are seven websites that prove the internet can still make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end ...
Meet the dark side of YouTube (we know -- you thought YouTube was nothing but one giant dark side). Meet Edward Muscare, also known as Edarem:
He looks like equal parts "unsettling uncle no longer allowed at the family reunion" and "half-mad grandpa screaming obscenities at the cat" with just a dash of Emperor Palpatine and two shakes of "fairy tale witch" thrown in for flavor. But his channel isn't anything too disturbing: He films himself giving opinions on current events, ranting about daily annoyances and lip-synching to his favorite songs. He looks pretty unsettling, sure, but it's also kind of cute: Here's this weird old guy just having fun and being eccentric, singing "Pretty Woman" and wishing happy birthday to some of his old flames. And then, there is this:
Yep. Registered sexual offender, convicted for sexual battery back in 1987. Remember that birthday video? Watch it again now, and the context completely changes: It's a terrifying sex offender singing children's songs to "the one that got away," Most likely from his van.
"Ah, Marisa. Sweet as honeysuckle ..." -Actual Quote.
Reborn-Baby.com is the website of an artist who displays and sells her handcrafted baby dolls, called "Reborn Babies," and don't worry, folks, it's not just a creepy name.
That does no justice to the true horror of the thing.
The glossy, dead eyes, the disturbing attention to detail -- even mapping out individual veins below the skin -- an unquestionably talented artist has used her gift to conquer the uncanny valley and rule it with an iron fist from atop Mount Soul-Rape in Involuntarily Urination Castle. To fully impress upon you the scale of their horror, there's not much we can say that the images don't scream inside of your mind with a thousand ghostly voices:
Here's one, right before it turns its gaze to look upon you, and begins singing.
The eyes -- it's always the eyes. They do not see, and yet they know all!
Oh, God, we were wrong: The hands. How are the hands worse than the eyes?!
You can find an Internet forum for pretty much anything, from fans of My Little Pony to people who like to get peed on by fans of My Little Pony. So at first glance, the Bloody Board, a forum for fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, seems comfortingly normal. They post tweets from former cast members of the show (mostly about how much it sucks to work at this gas station now), speculate about plot points, discuss favorite episodes and fan art -- the usual stuff. But on close inspection, something's just a little off ...
One user, "jamie_marsters" appears to be quite prolific, posting and replying many, many times a day. We suppose it's sort of creepy that she's taken the name of Buffy star James Marsters, and changed it to Jamie to imply familiarity, like an ex-girlfriend or an old babysitter might. A quick look at the profile statistics and things get much worse. Look at the number of total posts "jamie" has made:
Huh, she must be really into the community to make almost 40,000 posts. The only problem being: There's no community. There is only jamie_marsters. Scrolling through the archives reveals that there are virtually no other users, just this one, posting non stop, replying to herself, over and over again, every minute of every day for the last six years, alone inside her own dark little echo-chamber of madness.
Vincent Ocasla has beaten Sim City 3000. For those of you saying, "So what? He beat a video game," you should know that beating Sim City is like finishing Pac-Man or arguing with your wife -- there is no actual "win" condition. Or so the creators thought, but they didn't count on Ocasla's unsettling obsession. He created a flawless, fully functional Sim City of roughly six million residents, and it only took him four years. Those aren't "in-game years" either -- those are actual real years of his life: 1.5 years of theory and planning, and 2.5 years of construction (read: clicking on water pipes and power lines while he slowly forgets what it is to experience human love). Though the object of this particular obsession is utterly harmless, the existential dread starts to kick in after you view his video.
The amount of sheer calculation and planning that has gone into this city is beyond any harmless hobby. While we were going about our daily routines, Ocasla was planning. While we were laughing, struggling and just getting by, Ocasla was planning. While we were making love and arguing and growing old together, Ocasla was planning -- planning his ruthlessly efficient, totalitarian dream-state. The ominous Latin names and sinister music in the video don't do anything to convince us he's not the next Borg overlord, either. And then there are his words. When asked about the fact that in his city, the average life of a citizen lasted only 50 years, he stated: "Health of the Sims was not a priority, relative to the main objective."
Main objective is efficiency; life is inefficient; life hinders the main objective; life must be eliminated.