How to Use Passive Resistance in the Workplace [COMIC]
Basic Instructions is a twice weekly updating web comic that offers absurd advice on how to live your life. Some of those updates will be happening here on Cracked.
Previously Scott has taught us How to Spread Happiness and provided A Guide to Encountering Douchebags in the Wild .
Hey! This one was actually pretty good. Better than usual at least. This calls for a celebration. Cheese for everybody!
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI love these comics. The original website of the guy who makes them runs slow for me, so it's cool that I can read them here instead.
Cheese for everyone and all hail Sheogorath!
woo cheese!
I LOVE cheese!!
Zzz.
Replynerds are fickle, like this comic
ReplyTO THE PPL WHO R HATING THIS COMIC GROW UP AND STOP POSTING NEGATIVE COMMENTS U CAN ONLY POST POSITIVE COMMENTS JUST LIKE ON HIS WEBSITE IF YOU POST NEGATIVE U R MEAN AND DUMB AND CAN BE IGNORED (HAHA MUMMY YES WE CAN PLAY DOLLIES IN A MOMENT BUT DADDY IS STILL FINGERING MY BUTTHOLE SO HOLD ON A SEC) SORRY ABOUT THAT SCOTT MEYERS IIS FUNNY AND FOR ADULTS AND HE HAS WRITTEN 2 BOOKS AND I LOOKED AT HIS WEBSITE AND IT IS SO FUNNY AND UR NOT ALLOWED TO POST NEGATIVE COMMENTS AND ALSO DID U NO FROM HIS LIVE-WIREDOTCOM ACCOUNT In the past decade as a professional comedian, Scott Meyer has made a name for himself in both the United States and Canada. Since leaving the radio industry Scott Meyer has worked as a comedian in restaurants, taverns, bars, banquet halls, country clubs, casinos, comedy clubs, auditoriums theaters, opera houses and more than one stadium.THATS RIGHT f*gGATS OPERA HOUSES AND MORE THAN ONE STADIUM BUT WAIT THERES STILL MOAAAAAAAAAARRRR s**t Scott has worked in large comedy venues, opening for such performers as The Everly Brothers and Engelbert Humperdink, and has toured nationally as the opening act for "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Reply Hide All See All 15 RepliesIn Comedy Clubs, Scott has worked with such noted comedians as: *Christopher Titus *Caroline Rhea *George Miller * Doug Stanhope * Mitch Hedberg * Diane Ford * Michael Winslow * Tommy Chong * Aisha Tyler * Lenny Clarke SOME PPL THINK SCOTT IS ALSO FULL OF s**t BUT ANYWAY In addition to his busy comedy entertainment career, Scott has written humorous dialog for the computer game industry, is a columnist for Comedyspeak, and is the creator of the noted web feature "Places I've Peed." OK WELL I WILL LET THAT LAST SENTENCE BURN ITSELF INTO UR HEAD U HATERS DONT FEEL STUPID NOW CMON BASIC INSTINCT LUVVERS LETS ALL GO TO THE CRACKED WEBSITE AND SUPPORT OUR SCOTT COS WHEN PPL LITERALLY POUR STEAMING TURDS OF s**t UPON SOMEONE WE IDENTIFY WITH THATS HURTS OH WAIT WERE ALREADY DOING THAT OK AWSUM! IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE CAN POST s**t THAT WILL ALIENATE THIER REGULAR USERS? LOL ZOMG WE ARE GROWNUPS AND ALSO IF U DONT FIND THIS FUNNY U STUPID c**tS THAT MEANS THAT YOU 'JUST DONT GET IT' SO PLEASE DONT RITE A NEGATIVE REPLY..IT JUST SHOWS HOW STUPID U R. JUST DONT READ MY ANSWR, JEEZUS WATS IT LIKE TO BE SO DUM? ANYWAY PLS CONTINUE THIS CIRCLE JERK IT IS THE BEST BIT OF THE COMIC (SERIOUSLY WHY ELSE DO U THINK WE COMMENT...CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM?) AND I FOR ONE WILL CERTAINLY BE ADDING TO THE COMMENTS EVERY NEW s**t COMIC. kEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, BASIC INSTRUCTIONS, AFTER 10 YEARS IN THE INDUSTRY THAT 50 DOLLARS FROM CRACKED PROBABLY FEELS PRETTY AWSUM HEY DUDE? PEACE OUT. CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT UNORIGIANL SERIOUS/IRREVERENT JUXTAPOSTION , S'GONNA BE AWSUUUUUUUM. FROM (A SECRET ADMIRER )
*Tells people to grow up*
*Sounds like a 11 year old girl using all caps*
CAPS LOCK - CAN YOU HANDLE THE RAGE???????
Geez dude cool it man...
Holy f**k
tl;dr doesn't even begin to describe
tl; dr
TL:DR MY SWEATY GAPING ASS U READ IT AND LAPPED IT UP LIKE U SLURP UP THE HORSE c*m UR SO FOND OF AND GESS WAT f*gGATS EVRYWUN HERE NOS ITS TRUE AND ALSO HEY f*gGATS DONT BE MEAN U STUPID c**tS IT JUST SHOWS U DONT GET IT SHEESH WHY R PPL SUCH HATERS I DONT KNOW WHY PPL LEAVE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ETC ETC HEY SERIOUSLY GUYS IF U DONT NO CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL U DO NOW ALSO PUNCTUATION IS FOR f*gGATS AS WE ALL NO AND GESS WAT MCDOUGLAS I MAY SOUND LIKE A GIRL BUT AT LEAST I DONT SOUND LIKE SUMONE WHO DREAMS OF SUCKING HIS DADS BALLBAG AFTER HES FINISHED ASS REAMING UR SISTER LIKE YOU DO AND MAY I ALSO FINISH MY REBUTTAL BY STATING THAT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT U c*m FROM A FAMILY OF SEMEN SWAPPERS MUM DAD UNCLE GRANDAD INCLUDED ETC ETC DONT EVEN TRY TO DENY IT c**t
all that is great but i still don't think the comic is funny :) nice rant though. i will once again say, if I wanted to read the comic i'd go to the website, I'm tired of seeing it on Cracked as most of THEIR readers don't seem to like it.
I am awed by the intelligence of your arguments and your seamless and efficient use of the english language, sir. Allow me to tell you how brilliant I think you are.
Typhon
The f**k is wrong with you?
Shut the f**k up you moron.
Successful troll is successful...C'mon guys, can you really not spot these by now?
Qualudes for you.
HEY f*gGATS GESS WAT CCANT REPLY LIKE USUAL TO BUSY READING SCOTT SUCCESS STORY MEYERS HIT WEBPAGE 'PLACES IVE PEED' f**k THIS GUY REALLY IS A GENIUS UR RIGHT HES TOO MATURE FOR THE 'TWEENS' ON THIS SITE ENJOY CORNHOLING URSELVES U CAWKSUCKERS
PPS CYA ALL NEXT ENTHRALLING EPISODE UNLESS U R TOO BUSY FINGERING URSELVES ABOUT UR MOM AND ME ANAL FISTING COS THATS JUST HOW THE b***h LIKE IT I WILL TRY TO GIVE U ALL A BETTER POSITION AS U LOOK THRU THE KEYHOLE BUT UR DAD IS SUCH A SPERM PIG ITS HARD TO SHIFT HIM AWAY FROM LICKING MY ASS ANYWAY
Scott, go away.
Riveting tale, chap.
Loud troll is loud.
Basic Instructions is a very good comic.
ReplyNo, Basic Instructions is a very average comic, with a quality range similar to that of the solar cycle. Sometimes very good, sometimes very bad. Generally, it's just "ok".
The only thing I hate about these comics are the retards in the comment section.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYEH ID HATE TO BE A RETARD WHO LEFT A COMMENT SO TELL US WHATS IT LIKE BEING THE KING OF GENIUSES THAT U ARE?
It's nice. We figured out how to turn caps lock off.
totally agree magic_knickers
@JackConger it's actually pretty easy. You just have to hold down shift the whole time you're typing but let go for numbers.
To all of you hating this comic but not hating Cracked, quit the site. No really, loss of membership/viewers is the only thing a website understands. It's not about ad revenue, sponsored links, or whatever. If you stop visiting Cracked you're absence will be noted, and changes will be made to attract you back.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesTo those who find some users' "dislike" comments inexcusable, grow the f**k up. We're not in Cuba, we have the right to "like" or "dislike" any damn thing we want. I personally don't care for "Basic Instructions" but I understand where the cartoonist is coming from and can appreciate (without laughing) what he is trying to communicate.
The Nazi-lite "don't say anything if you don't agree with me" comments only cause you to lose respect among commenters and in real life (I assume you hold a similar view in all your relations; if not, you're a hypocrite.)
The comments opposing the comic do as little as the comments approving of it. Nothing we say makes a difference to Cracked staff until membership/viewership numbers decline. I'm not suggesting a worldwide boycott of Cracked (since I personally enjoy the site and would be one of the last to actually leave it,) but instead of spewing hateful invective against one another in the comments, how 'bout we recognize each other's right to have and share an opinion, and not turn into idiots every time someone says something we can't understand or agree with...
Good sir, you win. By a lot.
You trollin'...
Right?
This seems somewhat reasonable.
YES THIS WOULD BE A GOOD PLAN...IN h**oWORLD.
Don't mind The Doranator... They're still a little upset because their butt still hurts from the f**king they got from Boots and Backpack apparently.
So, any time you use "you're" you should read the sentence out loud but instead of "you're" read it as "you are". That's what the apostrophe (the little floating comma) means. If it sounds stupid, you probably meant "your".
I like these comics.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesIf you do not like these comics, stop reading them. If you want them off of cracked, stop clicking through and viewing the ads and accidentally clicking the ads. If all the ass*oles stopped looking at these comics, and the majority of cracked users were these ass*oles, then cracked would replace this comic with something that brought in more PPC.
Your anger over this comic only makes this comic stronger.
"If you do not like these comics, stop reading them."
It's not like I know that I will hate a comic before I read it. How do you expect me have a opinion about something before I try it?
PD: Who's the bigger a*****e: The people stating their opinion about that they didn't find a comic funny, or the people attacking those who didn't like it and calling them a*****es for expressing their opinion?
Einstein once said that insanity is repeating the same act while expecting different results. If it was your first time seeing a "Basic Instructions" comic, then you are excused. If you've read the last 10 and hated every one of them, yet clicked on this one because you don't know if you'll hate it or not, then you are obviously insane.
Actually it's not as simple as refusewinst believes. I've read most of the recent Basic Instructions and liked very few of them, but it's impossible to argue that they don't take a sometimes unique view of everyday situations. Sometimes, it's funny, usually it's tedious. The simple fact is that everyone has a right to voice their opinion, especially where humor is concerned. The Nazi-lite "don't say anything if you don't agree with me" comments only cause you to lose respect among commenters and in real life (I assume you hold a similar view in all your relations; if not, you're a hypocrite.) CGone and refusewinst, if you don't care for someone's opinion, why don't you go somewhere that holds no regard for freedom? You're tearing down the American dream in infinitesimal bites, yet eating away at it nonetheless.
compared opponents to Nazis: -10 Internets.
Your anger over this comic only makes this comic stronger.
ITS LIKE ITS FEEDING ON OUR NEGATIVE ENERGYIES WTF YOU WONT TURN ME TO THE DARK SIDE f**kER I AM A JEDI LIKE MY FATHER BEFORE ME
ESE- I have an opinion on everything before I read it, even meatball sandwich reviews.
I love this comic, generally. This particular strip isn't that good, but otherwise, the series is stellar.
ReplyI liked this one. I like this comic in general; it's unique.
Replylol this one really did it for me :)
Hi.. I just clicked on the link so I could be the first one to tell everyone that I hate these comics.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesWait I'm not the first? Oohhh..
Well, I just want to say I hate it.. because then Cracked will read my comment and then take it down, cause my comment is all that matters..
Wait, they only pay attention to hits? Ohh..
Well, then.. then.. then.. I'm going to go join the ranks of useless, s**t-tarded commentors on Cracked.
Yay! I finally win at something.
You are made of win my good sir.
Welcome to our ranks. As initiation, you must write an angry, 1,000 word rant on some insignificant detail or failing of another Cracked article. Only then will you truly be one of us.
We are many, and one day we shall rule.
I used to have a crush on a girl named Siobhan. You've just reminded me of why.
Boner alert
I get these comics.....I like these comics. They aren't meant to be "LOL" funny. There meant to be mildly, sarcastically-in-a-real- life-kind-a way ironically funny.
Reply Hide All See All 10 RepliesThere meant to mimic the conversation we all have/wish we had with people around us.
Easy.
DUH!
You're trying too hard. If you have to explain it then it's not funny. DUH! This comic strip sucks incredibly. It's neither funny nor insightful. It just... sucks.
Shadeshift for the win!
Well, I think the broader point to be seen here is that people react to jokes they don't get with violent negativity. I like these comics too, although recently they all seem to be about him and his co-workers.
Is it bad if I think these comics ARE, in fact, LOL funny? I laugh a lot on practically all of them.
Also, I thought they were supposed to mimic those posters with basic instructions for stuff you see in some places. Just made by a less serious cartoonist, and intentionally funny, instead of unintentionally funny like I normally see.
Please don't abuse the acronym 'ftw' on crap, fufi. It only has to be explained to the younger readers, or those who are older but have never held real jobs or relationships. To everyone else, no explanation is necessary. It's funny already.
fufigod why dont you jiggle his balls a little more. And this comic isnt that bad, your all just expecting too much from it. Its free, stop crying about it and move on to something else thats free. What should they pay you to read these? And why does everyone need to know that you, who no one cares about or even knows, hate this comic or think its s**t. You know what I do when i think something sucks? I move on, I dont gripe or cry about something when its easy enough to just move on and not seem like a whiny girl.
fufigod why dont you jiggle his balls a little more. And this comic isnt that bad, your all just expecting too much from it. Its free, stop crying about it and move on to something else thats free. What should they pay you to read these? And why does everyone need to know that you, who no one cares about or even knows, hate this comic or think its s**t. You know what I do when i think something sucks? I move on, I dont gripe or cry about something when its easy enough to just move on and not seem like a whiny girl.
Wow, Will, you have no respect for us trolls. It's a little disheartening, but, then again, LOLf*g.
Yes Netsa, it's very very bad.
now will you explain Family Circus to us all?
Today was the day comments complaining about the comic were outnumbered by comments complaining about comments complaining about the comic, which means the comments are no longer fun.
ReplyI'm glad the comic is.
I like the comic. I feel like the best ones aren't showing up on Cracked, but as a whole I think it's a funny comic.
ReplyI really hope the best ones aren't showing up on Cracked, because most of the ones I've seen here are miserable (and I LIKE dry humor.) I'd like to think the cartoonist actually has some great stuff hidden for those who care enough to find it, as if this were a movie preview, or an easter egg hunt.
Where do people get the gall to b***h about something they get for free?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIf you don't like it, don't read it! DUH. Cracked is kind enough to give subtle warnings with all their articles on the front page, [CHART] if it's a Cracked Topic written by a reader, and [COMIC] for well, you know. Jesus, there's no need for all this negativity.
I totally agree, people just want someone to hear them rant about something they dont like. Its alot easier to just move on if you dont like something.
1.Just because it's free, it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck.
2.If we don't post stating that the comics aren't funny, then the editors won't realize that most people hate them and won't bother looking for better material.
3.If people stating their opinion bothers you so much, then don't read the comments section. Problem solved.
"2.If we don't post stating that the comics aren't funny, then the editors won't realize that most people hate them and won't bother looking for better material."
so since the majority of comments are bad that obviously means that a majority hates the comics? or that a majority of people that dont like this comic want everyone to know about it even though it falls on deaf ears. I just think its a grasp for attention when people post that they hate this comic.
I realize a majority of the people who dislike these comics post their distaste. Does it not occur to them that a majority of the people who DO like this comic simply DON'T POST COMMENTS at the risk of looking like serious tools, like the rest of you nay-sayers? You guys complain about it, but that seems to be all you do. Every click, every comment [negative or otherwise], just gets Cracked more attention.
ReplyThat's a damned good reason to keep posting the comic, don't you think? If you truly hate it, stop giving them a reason to post it.
Personally, I don't mind it. b***hing about a comic you hate is pretty f**king stupid, but telling cracked to take down content they voluntarily post up? That's a violation of something, I'm sure.
"You guys complain about it, but that seems to be all you do. Every click, every comment [negative or otherwise], just gets Cracked more attention.
That's a damned good reason to keep posting the comic, don't you think? If you truly hate it, stop giving them a reason to post it."
If we don't post stating that the comics aren't funny, then the editors won't realize that most people hate them and won't bother looking for better material.
"Does it not occur to them that a majority of the people who DO like this comic simply DON'T POST COMMENTS at the risk of looking like serious tools, like the rest of you nay-sayers?"
I haven't seen a single comment attacking those who like the comics, but I have seen a*****es (like you) insulting those who don't like them. So if anyone has the right to feel like expressing their opinion will make them look like tools in other people's eyes, that's the people who dislike the comic.
In short: If you don't want to be attacked for posting that you liked the comic (not that anyone attacked you), then stop attacking those who disagree with you. f**king hypocrite.
"Personally, I don't mind it. b***hing about a comic you hate is pretty f**king stupid, but telling cracked to take down content they voluntarily post up? That's a violation of something, I'm sure."
The ones being f**king stupid the retards like you who b***h because people state their opinion.
PD: Just so you don't play the victim again, I called you a retard and a hypocrite for insulting those who don't like the comic (by calling them "f**king stupid") and acting like you're the one being attacked, not because you liked the comic. Unlike losers like you, I don't go attacking people because their opinion differs from mine.
"If we don't post stating that the comics aren't funny, then the editors won't realize that most people hate them and won't bother looking for better material."
He just said a majority of people (including myself) dont post when they like the comment so seeing a bunch of bad posts doesnt mean anything. It just seems to me that people that constantly post that they hate the comics here are just wanting attention.
Haha, the people who click on these just to diss them have no f**king life.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNot sure why you think people do that... Typically I've seen that folks either follow a link because it seems interesting, or because they click every link a particular website posts, win or fail (I'm in the latter category.) The fact that I followed the link and was disappointed by the results certainly does not mean I only clicked in order to denigrate, and as other commenters have stated, Cracked needs to know what their base considers worthwhile, and what needs to be culled. This comic should be culled, in my opinion, but I would never say that just because someone finds in entertaining, they "have no f**king life."
HAHA THE PPL WHO CLICK ON THE REPLY BUTTON JUST TO DISS THE PPL WHO CLICK ON THESE JUST TO DISS THEM SAYING THEY HAVE NO f**kING LIFE REALLY HAVE NO f**kING LIFE PLUS THEY HAVE NO f**kING CLUE HOW HYPOCRITICAL THEY R
I agree CinemaZebra, it all just sounds like a 4 year old toddler shouting "I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT" over and over in my ear.
If you don't wanna read the comic, don't click the link. Holy s**t, problem solved.
ReplyPersonally, I enjoy the humor. I don't fall out of my seat dying of laughter, but s**t people, calm yourself. Don't read it if you don't want to. Quit yer b***hin'.
EDIT: Ah, f**k it.
Man, these comics get tanked here. Personally, I find them somewhat humorous. This probably isn't the best site for them to be running on.
ReplyI DON'T GIVE. A s**t.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThis comics should really stop now. Please.
You are dumb. That is all.
agreed. The consensus is back, your dumb!
It's unanimous JuliaSaysHi is dumb. In other news any author/comic that continues to draw site traffic will stay up, so if you don't like it stop giving it free hits just to complain about it.