6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

CRACKED ROUND-UP: Cashing In On iPad 2 Hype, Edition

According to one guy in the office who walks past an Apple Store on his way to work every morning, the new iPad is about to go on sale. It's a lot like the original iPad, only with a two at the end. If you plan on buying one, make sure to bookmark Cracked.com before you do anything else. That isn't a tip, by the way. It's a threat. You don't want to know what we're capable of*.

*Ultra-Petty Arson, Mail Fraud and Public Urination.


It isn't every week someone as esteemed (in his own mind) as Soren Bowie takes you on a tour of the Internet's "best" religious websites. Try to look greatful, then click on over to the sad diary of a man in 'Shape Up' shoes. Chris Bucholz sacrifices his sole(s) so you don't have to. If you're ready for some drug-induced fantasy, take another hit off that jenkem can and check out Robert Brockway's latest epic, Chrono Trigger 2: Benders of Time, Trippers of Balls. Last, we've got a warning from Dan O'Brien for all you hipsters heading to SXSW in Austin: wear diapers.



HOME VILLAINY
6 Supervillain Devices You Can Make at Home
Build everything on this list now, before the government passes a law against it.


Notable Comment: "When that hand goes haywire we'll have to send in an italian plumber to defeat it."

Clearly, yoyocom77 forgot that Master Hand wears a stylish glove.



CHINA'S BEST
The 15 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Bootleg Toys
Our best estimate? These toys are 95% lead, 2% fallout, and 3% the tears of Chinese child laborers.


Notable Comment: "Even the sound from supermans dinosaur friend is a ripoff, it comes straight from the Jurrasic Park Velocoraptor toy."

TheAnon may be the closest thing to a connoisseur action figure collectors have.



BRILLIANT HACKS
5 Artistic Geniuses Who Only Became Great After Selling Out
Apparently, the words "genius" and "whore" can be synonyms.


Notable Comment:"Everyone who likes Nirvana likes penis, in and around their mouth! "

In typical fashion, Fids724 ignores the fact that some of us like penis in and around other parts of our body, too.



SO CLOSE TO CRAZY
6 Insane Versions of Famous Cartoons They Almost Made
If anyone has a copy of Dexter's Rude Removal, we're willing to pay in hard cash or the organs of our interns.


Notable Comment:"I see all these comments in support of a Gotham High... and something inside of me dies a little."

Xact just learned a valuable lesson about the average intelligence of commenters on the Internet.



CHILD ENDANGERMENT
7 Bizarre Products for Dressing Up Your Genitals
You know what's wrong with kids today? Not enough genital bedazzling. Hopefully this article helps.


Notable Comment: "I wish upon a star that my boyfriend comes home one day to reveal he has penazzled himself."

CodieTreszi, be careful what you wish for. It just might end up in your vagina.



BriTANick
When Shakespeare Goes Disastrously Wrong
Help Britanick win a major award clicking this link.


YOU YOU YOU!
What Villains Do In Their Spare Time
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Old Wives Tales Turned Out To Be True and Everyday Tasks Done Using Wile E. Coyote Logic.


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

3.10.11:

"You're about to join the billion other people who got served."
by evnzro

Editor's pick:

"No, sir, sadly you are mistaken. I believe, that it is MY milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard."
by Glorpinator

3.09.11:

Give Egypt time. They're not used to free expression yet.
by TheSicilian

Editor's pick:

There's never a good time for diarrhea. Sometimes are worse than others, though.
by bcanders

3.08.11:

If Mario has taught me anything, it's that that thing will probably try to kill you...
by ThePoop

Editor's pick:

I'm you. From the future.
by bcanders

3.07.11:

Coming this summer, Tim Burton's "Pokemon".
by smapti

Editor's pick:

"You know that feeling you get when your mantis horse is stuck on an island above a squid being attacked by pokemon balls while anthropomorphic penises try to escape from diving helmets? Yeah, that was the emotion I was trying to convey."
by RodneyHardman

3.06.11:

"Hello, this is Poseidon, GOD OF THE SEA! ...yes, I'll hold."
by Barnes&Nobles

Editor's pick:

Unsurprisingly, he still lives in his parents' aquarium.
by Deleterious

3.05.11:

The name of the bike club was going to Hell's Fury, but there was a typo and everyone just rolled with it.
by Malaclips

Editor's pick:

After years of searching Wile E. Coyote finally tracks down the Roadrunner at a hotel in San Dimas, California. The ensuing bloodbath would be unlike anything county officials had ever seen.
by RodneyHardman

3.04.11:

As he looked to the right, he slowly grew in value.
by Heythatrhymes

Editor's pick:

When their teenage son brought home a bronze girl, they were ashamed.
by Leonidis

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