What Your Condom Choice Says About You [CHART]
Sex: Our Bodies Our Junk is a new book renowned sex expert Conan O'Brien has called "Possibly the most irresponsible book written on the subject of sexuality since The Berenstain Bears Host a Key Party." A few of the authors have written for Cracked enough to know that this is a subject our readers need help with. What follows is an excerpt, and a public service to your genitals.
If all condoms technically perform the same function--catching ejaculated semen and conveniently storing it for later use--then why are so many varieties available? Well, believe it or not, the condom you choose can communicate a great deal to your lover about the type of person you are.
Order Sex: Our Bodies Our Junk.
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hey now, what about if "magnums" are the only ones that don't quite uncomfortably asphyxiate your now possibly turning blue man pole from lack of blood flow, how in any way does that show hubris? That's like a requirement or need practically at that point because nothing else fits quite right or is too tight.
Replyi use lifestyles lubed...
ReplyI use non-latex condoms, but thats because my g/f is alergic to latex
ReplyEver buy a pack that's the wrong size? Why aren't there *fittings* for prophylactics?
ReplyI remember the first time my dad sent me a box full of Trojan Condoms, I was like... I never going to used them, when I actually did I told him they where to small... Durex is the best for me
ReplyThats why you go raw dog, duhh..
ReplySo which condoms DON'T make you look like a tool, according to the chart?
ReplyI dunno but it's not like *I* have to deal with how lifestyles feels. What now brown cow?
Bareback.
what if you dont use condoms? that the best way to experience sex with a stranger in an orgy on a college dorm room floor anyway.
ReplyHow do you know when it's elephant mating season?
ReplyYour garbage can liners are missing.
I LOVE Magnum! Not because they make me feel like I have a huge dick ('cause I don't, I'm a girl), but 'cause they're free at Planned Parenthood, and mostly because THEY COME IN THIS SHINY GOLDEN RAPPER! SO PRETTY
ReplyJudging the way you spelled wrapper, I'd say you visit often.
When I worked night desk at a hotel, sometimes people in the room ask if we sell condoms and complain when I asked exasperatedly, "are you serious?!". I got tired of listening to complaints, so decided to stock some XXL magnum condoms. It was f**king hilarious when the douche bags who bought the condom come back down couple of minutes later (looking frustrated and embarrassed) to go out and buy some condoms that actually fit. Hahaha...
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesAre YOU serious? It's a f**king hotel. Couples go there all the time, sometimes JUST to f**k. Other couples that stay the night are ALSO going to want to f**k. People are going to ask if you have condoms. You're working the NIGHT desk at a HOTEL. Dumbass. The people working at McDonald's can assume that a lot of the people who go there are gonna want ketchup with the meal they order. They don't give the customer mustard and go talk about it on the internet, thinking they're clever.
And yet people working at McDonald's don't hand out Pepto-Bismal with their meals. I'm not a f**king store clerk or a medicine cabinate. I'm the front deck. We sell rooms, what you do in there is your own business, none of mine. If you come to the hotel to f**k, that's your own decision, don't come to the front desk complaining because you were not prepared. If you want towels, sheets, pillows, slippers, room service... no problem. If you want tampons, condoms, or erectile dysfunction medicine, go to a f**king drug store!
Also, just because many people come to the hotel to f**k, does not mean that we as a hotel encourage it or show approval of it. That's an image NO family or business oriented hotels want. We are not a f**king motel. Having condoms at the front desk is like saying, "This is a f**k hotel, come and have sex in our rooms!" Would YOU take your family to a hotel that hands out condoms from the front desk? Not the hotel gift shop, but the front desk? It's not our job to provide things beyond the scope of our service, it's not our job to even acknowledge it.
Why don't you go to the Disney hotel in California and ask the front deck for some condoms. See what kind of response you get. Jackass.
I work the front desk at a hotel as well and I believe you've just made my job more interesting.
As for the chart though, it was actually pretty accurate in regards to me.
Your response to dreadbeat was one of the dumbest things I've seen on the internet.
so any use of a condom means something negative lol and since i use magnums because normal sizes snap and they are cheaper than a plan b pill i have i'm arrogant and over-estimate myself?
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI've been with a guy who used Magnums. He used them for a (veeeeeerrrrry good) reason. Sure enough, he was also an arrogant bastard. I guess Cracked knows everything. Sigh...
Condoms are all the same size. I had a friend who put a bunch of condoms on her feet and we stretched them up past her knee.
condoms don't snap if you put them on correctly.
A standard condom can be easily and comfortably stretched over a clenched fist and up almost to the elbow. If you're bigger than that, I don't think I want you inside me.
when i was dating my hubby, we only used hormones because the large sizes would break as we tried to squeeze them on...lots of girth is problematic for condom users...
Replyoh, that poor guy.
YEAH GIRL LET'S JUST MAKE DUE WIT IT! I GOT THESE 4 FREE FROM A TRUCK!
Reply"I got these 4 free from a truck" I actually laughed out loud...
Question How old do you have to be to have sex? I wonder???
Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies17.
I thought it was 16... s**t.
Depends where your at.
Depends how old the person you're having sex with is. o_O
In Australia, it's 16 everywhere except for SA and TAS, which happen to be the two states I grew up in. D:
On the coasts-18
Midwest/South-16
Mexico-12
Nicaragua-none
I dug this and all, but here's my issue: There's no "good" one. If every single condom choice makes me somehow look like an a*****e, should I just be like, "Sorry baby, I'm raw-doggin' it tonight. I don't wanna look like a chode"?
ReplyThere isn't every single type. Try actual lubricated condoms. Not listed up there, yet totally the best kind.
The Durex ones come with picture instructions for when I'm really hammered and a chart so I know my chances of getting a chick pregnant so when I wake up I know whether to get worried or not.
ReplyMy boyfriend and I always use coloured AND flavoured condoms.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWHAT NOW?!
flavored condoms arent made for penetration lol theyre for oral sex and arent made to endure actual sex
haha burned!
A girl in my history class once asked what the point of flavored condoms were. Oh, how we all laughed...
I physically cannot walk into a store and buy condoms. I fear that if were to ever walk up to a register and put condoms on the counter then the clerk would immediately bust out into crying laughter... therefore I steal them or get them from my school.
Replyhave you told this to your therapist?
Easiest way to remedy this situation is to go to a 24 hour pharmacy in clothes that look like you either, were about to have sex, or just did and need to restock since you need some for when the prostitute leaves and you want to get creative with your masturbation later.
The only funny part is the comments.
Reply