In Terminator 2, we learn that the Terminators suffer from a fatal programming flaw: Their love of squeaky voiced teenagers and embarrassing early 90s slang. In the span of a few days, an emotionless killing machine learns "why [we] cry" and the heart-wrenching power of a well-timed thumbs up. If it's that easy to teach a Terminator to love, why isn't the resistance entirely made up of Hugging Squads?
KISSING. IS. EXTRA.
It's an odd, unbelievable, unexplainable reaction by the "cold-hearted" machines in the theater release, but it was actually explained:
In this deleted scene, Arnold is scalped and the inner-workings of his metal skull are tinkered with. We learn that Skynet set his brain to read-only before they sent him off on his Electric Time-nificent Kill Adventure. Not wanting a hulking mechanical guardian with a learning deficiency, John and Sarah Connor crack open his head, and remove the block, allowing him to learn freely outside of his programming.
Although, come to think of it, My Friend the Retarded Robot would have made a rather excellent film in its own right.
Oh wait, they already tried that.
Paranormal Activity was supposed to be the next Blair Witch Project. And unfortunately, it succeeded: It was a low-budget horror flick with a simple, interesting hook, a handful of amateur actors, an emphasis on a kind of subtle horror that didn't rely on makeup, special effects or big breasted sexpots getting "impaled" for their naughty sins. And then, just when you were about to impressed with it, it fucked it all up right at the end.
This isn't the first time we've been lied to by a movie poster.
Take note, because we are about to spoil the shit out of this movie (as if it needs the help): The girlfriend gets possessed by the demon in question, who then throws the dead boyfriend's body at the camera. She approaches the corpse, and comes up really, really close to the screen, and then BOO! Her deformed face jumps out at you. The end. Seriously.
So the whole film was essentially a 10 dollar, hour and a half setup to one of those stupid "screamer" videos your dickhead "funny-guy" friend keeps sending to you. But if you've seen the DVD, you may have noticed it includes like 20 alternate endings, including this one:
This arguably way, way better alternate ending suggests that the "possessed" girl ended up stabbing her boyfriend off camera, and eventually ends up shot down by police when she runs out of the room still holding the knife. This accomplished two things: It made you question what you've really seen - was it, in fact, paranormal activity, or mere psychosis? And it killed all chances at the derivative sequel that they are, of course, filming right now.
Or, alternatively, avoid seeing it altogether.
Cracked has already went into frothing pedantic detail about Captain Kirk's absurd luck in finding himself in the one ice cave on the entire desolate planet of Delta Vega where Future Spock happened to living in. But there's a bigger gaping plot hole in the new Star Trek: It happens when Future Spock tells Kirk that Nero's ship, Narada, just happened to fall into the one random black hole that would send him a tribble's throw away from the Kelvin; the very ship in which Kirk was born, at the very moment of his birth, thus explaining how all this shit got started (all over again) in the first place (the second first place).
Purists argue that Kirk should have been born balls deep in several prostitute/princesses.
So that raises the question: What the fuck was Nero up to from the moment Kirk was born, all the way until his reappearance 25 years later to fight with adult Kirk? If he was suffering such a vengeance hard-on, Nero could have easily picked off the future captain while he was a stupid, useless baby. Why wait until he's developed combat skills, a stunning James Dean-like countenance, kickin' abs and a Starfleet post? The answer, according to the theater release: Nero's kind of dumb, but really patient.
He held this position for 25 years, moving only to tinkle in a coffee can.
But this scene shows that Nero wasn't a complete, blithering idiot flying a space-ship by benefit of precisely-timed prat-falls.
If, for some reason, you're reading an article about deleted scenes but not watching said scenes, we'll recap: Nero didn't emerge into Federation space; he was captured and held prisoner on board a Klingon ship, until he escaped 25ish years later. This further explains his confusion, his unstable nature (Klingon jail is probably the outer space equivalent of Turkish prison) and his long absence. While it doesn't explain all the details, this scene at least shows that the filmmakers were both aware and fearful of the many, many nasal-toned diatribes they would no doubt receive for leaving plot-holes where Trekkies could find them.
But hey, who cares what nerds think? This is a Star Trek movie.
For more scenes that could've bettered their respective films, check out 5 Superhero Movie Scenes They'll Never Let You See. Or check out some scenes that actually made porn better, in "I Have Brain Cancer": 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn.
And stop by Linkstorm to learn more about how to turn your killer robot into a lovable hunk.
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