Even the greatest movies will end up with some scenes on the cutting room floor. For the most part, it's with good reason: As awesome as it was, Darth Vader's wakeboarding montage would really have broken the flow of Empire. But a few of those cut scenes would have absolutely made the movie, and it's a tragedy that we've never seen them... until now. NOTE: Obviously there are spoilers, but don't let that stop you from reading (just from complaining that we didn't warn you.)
This whole article, a small novel, two abridged textbooks and an epic poem could be written about the sheer volume of deleted scenes from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but there's one particular cut from The Two Towers that seems particularly important. The flashback scene we're referring to shows Boromir and Faramir having a conversation after stomping some Orc ass--a flashback to before anybody knew that a certain hobbit had found a certain ring. Then their father, Denethor, shows up to kill the moment, because he's just generally not a "party type of dude."
Boromir (Left), Faramir (Middle), Denethor (Right). Because all Gondor boys look alike.
Boromir and his father Denethor discuss the Council at Rivendell, and the fact that "Isildur's Bane" is the One Ring (a fact not presented otherwise). Denethor instructs his son to retrieve the Ring for Gondor.
Which went over well, in case you're wondering.
This actually explains Boromir's entire motivation in the first film, and everything he does. His father, his brother, his people are all depending on him to bring back that goddamned ring. He was never going to let them destroy it. It puts the whole first film in a new light and without that scene, Boromir is just "that shifty dude" that kind of hangs out in the back, making all the hobbits uncomfortable for no reason anybody can place. He might as well have been driving a windowless van.
"Hey guys? Hobbits are technically adults, right?"
Are you kind of a nerd? Have you seen Independence Day? What's the problem we're about to point out here? Exactly. Fully half of you reading this have just screamed to the heavens in futile rage about the probability of the famous Apple OS/advanced alien mothership compatibility issue. Even here at Cracked, we've drawn attention to this once or twice in one of our articles (like this one, this one, this one, this one and, well, this one.)
Nerds are an unforgiving lot.
Essentially, Jeff Goldblum is reminded that the word "virus" exists, which is all the motivation and know-how he needs to hack a completely alien spacecraft with a mid-90s PowerBook. We can't even get our damn Xboxes to play pirated copies of Step Up 2 the Streets from our computer, and they were made specifically to interact with one another, yet the dude from Jurassic Park somehow manages to encode a goddamn .GIF of a laughing skull in there when he takes out the mothership with the cutting edge power of MacOS 7.6.
HELL YEAH, MACS!
But in the seven minutes of cut scenes included in the extended release Independence Day DVD, Goldblum is actually shown tinkering with his PowerBook inside the recovered craft from the Roswell crash site, mumbling something about how the spaceship was running off the same programming language he was able to decipher before (when he first uncovered their invasion plans and all that).
He may also have mentioned tachyons.
So, he presumably worked from there and was able to code some disruptive program and translate it into their language or whatever. It's still flimsy as hell, but it at least proves the filmmakers were aware of and willing to address the problem, thus defusing a decade and a half of pent-up nerd-rage.
In Aliens, Ellen Ripley, sole survivor of the first movie, is finally rescued after floating in outer space for 57 years. When she wakes up and inquires about her old life, she's informed nonchalantly that her daughter has grown up and died while she was in hypersleep. Wait, really? All in the span of 57 years? Apparently, despite mastering cryogenic freezing, the future has suffered some great steps backward in geriatric care.
There's nothing funny about dead children, so instead we present you with this photo of Sigourney Weaver in her underpants.
But that's OK, because upon hearing this devastating news, Ripley essentially gives the camera a "whattayagonnado" shrug and trots off to kick some xenomorphs in whatever they call groins. Typical action movie fare.
But in this deleted scene, we are explicitly shown Ripley's heartbreak at missing out on her daughter's entire life, despite promising she would be home on her 11th birthday.
Kitty cats and vast, unfathomable emotional trauma.
After seeing the human side of Ripley this early in the film, it makes perfect sense that she rescues and instantly grows so attached to the orphaned girl Newt. It changes the entire dynamic of the film; changing Ripley from a blank-slate Hero character to a grieving mother suffering from emotional transference. Also, it answers all the audience's accusatory screams of "Bitch, leave the girl! You don't even know that girl! They're Aliens! Run, bitch, run!"
Adam Sandler is angry and kind of dumb. This is literally the heart of every one of his films: Punch-Drunk Love, Waterboy, Anger Management, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore all relied on his unrestrained, over-the-top violence.
This image represents the single most significant achievement of the 1990s.
That's why it's so puzzling that, in what would have been the most satisfying possible use of this device, Madison strangely reined it in and let the bad guy get away. Of course we're talking about Happy Gilmore, and the fact that, in the movie, the nanny-beating mustachioed Ben Stiller goes all Buffalo Bill on Happy's grandma and gets no come-uppance. It's the single most despicable character in the movie, and he gets away with everything.
His mustache would go on to have a successful career as a pedophile.
Even Bob Barker got punched in the face in this movie. But they didn't just forget about him, the deleted scene has Happy hurling him out of a window...
So why did it get cut from the theater release? We can only cite the controversial anti-grandma slant of the MPAA.
This scene remained in the movie, and will linger in our nightmares for decades to come.