#9. Speaking of Which...
That's right. It's Art Linkletter giving you a play-by-play of the night you were conceived. What else can it be?
With that in mind, look at the picture. WE SAID LOOK AT IT. "And that's when I stuck my finger in her butthole, and twirled it around like so..."
Honestly, are we reading too much into these covers? Has the Internet corrupted our minds so that we can find grossly inappropriate sexual situations in any image?
#8. And We're Not Even Mentioning His Sideburns
It is just us, right? Tell us in the comments you see nothing wrong with that image. Jimmy playing his organ, while the two stare into each other's eyes. It was just a more innocent time, right?
#7. It's Like a Bosch Painting
There are layers of horror in this picture that will take you the rest of the day to peel through. Every few seconds you stare at it, something new and horrible emerges.
Sure, you've probably noticed there appears to be some kind of Biblical end-times beast descending from the heavens, but have you noticed the dog in the green shirt staring up at its dick? Did you see how the creature on the left is crying tears of blood? That the cat in the lower left has been impaled on a bar stool leg?
#6. This Goes Beyond Normal Clown Horror
Ah, Brazil. We meet again.
Seriously, is scarring entire generations of children some kind of national pastime, over there? A rite of passage, perhaps? Clowns are terrifying, no matter where you grew up. But in Brazil, they are a thousand-feet tall and want you to pull their finger. Look at that kid. That kid is not laughing. That kid is having his soul sucked out of his nose, and into a clown giant's finger.
#5. Way Beyond
#4. Translated Title: "NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE"
Sure, lots of dolls are weird looking. None are as weird as a human dressed as a doll. Combine the two and you have what really starts to look like a cult situation. As in, this lady believes she's a doll made human, and now thinks performing the right rituals will bring her "husband" to life. We hope 1) the ritual doesn't involve human blood; and 2) that she realizes he's going to be born with his heart on the outside of his chest.
#3. Show Us Just One Non-Creepy Ventriloquist Dummy
Who's to blame here? The ventriloquist dummy manufacturers of America, who turn out products like this? The eyebrows, the gray hair, the lips, every millimeter of that little bastard's face is wrong. Or is it the ventriloquists, who buy them, and then pose them in pictures where they lovingly snuggle each other?
#2. And While We're On the Subject...
Geraldine is a real person who, at some point, came home, turned on the lights in her bedroom, and saw that sitting on a chair, staring at her. And she didn't even blink.
#1. Seriously. Just One. Show us ONE.
"Yes, give me your most retarded dummy. Really, that's the best you've got? Ah, I guess I'll have to modify it."
By the way, how many of you are reading "LIVE" in the title, not as, "Live in Concert" but as in, They Live? They're both equally bad news, we suppose.
For more album cover failures, see 19 Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers. For more questionable products for children, check out The 13 Most Unintentionally Disturbing Children's Toys and 15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys for Children.
And stop by Linkstorm to discover that there is actually non-frightening content on the Internet.
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