CRACKED ROUND-UP: Veiled Homophobia Edition

Gosh, have you heard about all this Prop 8 business? We don't mean to sound like bigots, but do those homosexuals have to make such a big deal about everything? Can't they just be happy with Will and Grace and those giant parades that make everyone uncomfortable?

Not that we have any issues with gay people, you understand.

Soren Bowie launched our canoe of comedy with an interview with Hollywood's shooting-est one-trick pony. Robert Brockway attempted to explain the female fascination with horrifying supernatural monsters while Seanbaby made Family Circus almost readable. Seriously, how does Bill Keane not end every day praying for death?

Dan O'Brien started the weekend off right with a comprehensive guide to orgy etiquette.

CRAPITALISM

6 Evil Corporations in Movies (With Terrible Business Plans) When you compare them to these guys, the Underpants Gnomes actually have a pretty solid business plan.

Notable Comment:

"You may have forgotten the I am Legend corporation that made the cancer vaccine. Though the company name wasn't mentioned in the movie, it's still worth mentioning it here."

HonorRoller is right. There's no money in curing cancer.

LOVE AND FAILURE

5 Widely Believed Dating Myths (Science Says Aren't True) Everything you know about love is a lie. Well, except for the fact that condoms make excellent water-balloons.

Notable Comment:"my younger brother lost his virginity because of everquest. he flew across the country to find a 30-year-old obese woman with a mustache and 3 kids, and also later found out she f**ked 30 other dudes from the game. good times. "

We have nightmares after reading this quote from rlyyesrly, and now all of you will too.

CRIME AND FAILURE

5 Ridiculous Attempts at Crime-Fighting (That Worked) We're not sure if getting busted by Elvis would be the best or worst "how I ended up in jail" story ever.

Notable Comment:"So how exactly did Elvis and Nixon's crime fighting "work"...That's really not explained, is it?"

Listen, Damien. At one point in American history things got so fucking crazy that the most corrupt politician in our history made Elvis Goddamn Presley a federal agent. If that isn't worth memorializing on the Internet, we don't know what is.

PUTRE-FASCINATING

The 6 Greatest Things Accomplished By Dead Bodies It is comforting to know that there are post-mortem options beyond "pinata" and "letting people sneak onto the HOV lane".

Notable Comment: "I should be on the list as the only dead guy to comment on Cracked articles."

Actually, fvckaccounts, the living dead make up almost 18% of Cracked's readership. Only College Humor and the Drudge Report are more popular among rotting, animated corpses.

PARADE OF MEDIOCRITY

5 Annoying Trends That Make Every Movie Look the Same This is why you can watch four movies in a day and not be able to recall which was which after the fact.

Notable Comment:

"oh god....you serious? cameron is steadily on the path to supplant lucas as the biggest toolbag in the business. absolute power corrupts absolutely and s**t."

Wickett, we understand the sentiment but Cameron has a LONG slide ahead of him before he comes close to being like George Lucas. All the smurfs in the world aren't as infuriating as one Jar-Jar Binks.

Prussian Sunsets

If Every Website Got A Melodramatic Movie The MySpace movie would be more depressing than "The Green Mile".

YOU YOU YOU!

14 Inevitable Scientific Breakthroughs The World Will Regret We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Recruitment Posters for the Worst Jobs Ever

8.05.10:

I'm sure to be the center of attention in my pink hat... awww, what the fuck?!
by savinator

Editor's pick:

It's no coincidence that it only seats 1.
by Versus

8.04.10:

This is my rifle! This is my gun! This is for fighting! And this is for ERROR: RUN \emotions\fun.exe FOLDER NOT FOUND
by Bator

Editor's pick:

Terminator: Recession
by Stormy Waters

8.03.10:

"All right men, that's enough fun... let's get back to building those pyramids."
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

They'll try just about anything to get Bin Laden out of his cave.
by Versus

8.02.10:

Swiss Army Wife
by ThePoop

Editor's pick:

If you pull up her skirt you'll find the bottle opener.
by dpollok

8.01.10:

Hey, not all Silvers get to surf. Some gotta work for a living.
by Ceveron

Editor's pick:

I hate jackasses driving around with their high-beams.
by dpollok

7.31.10:

Micheal Bay's Fiddler on the Roof
by spectre_vampire

Editor's pick:

I don't know what girl you're trying to impress, but if this doesn't do the trick, you're pretty much just gonna have to get her drunk.
by Zombiecross

7.30.10:

Sorry Minnesota, we took a vote...
by JM_Brazil

Editor's pick:

Sometimes there's only one way to quit your job.
by yungblud21