The 5 Most Humiliating Things We're Doing to Robots

#2. The Robot Priest

The i-Fairy is a four-foot-tall Japanese robot with pigtails and "colorful, flashing eyes." It's typically used as a museum guide, because elderly Japanese people are apparently not as easily terrified as the ones here in America. However, one i-Fairy was recently given a flower headpiece and reprogrammed to be a robot priest so that it could preside over a Japanese wedding.

Happy couple Tomohiro Shibata and Satoko Inoue were married in what passes for a traditional ceremony in Japan after the bride suggested the idea to her husband since they both work in robotics.

Kokoro Ltd., the company that produces the i-Fairy, said it was happy that their robot had been used to help weddings "cross the digital divide," willfully ignoring the fact that this is not something anyone was asking for help getting across. Like the couple at the center of the ceremony, they know better than anyone what this was really about: Rubbing a robots face in the one thing it will never do better than us.

While this might strike you as run of the mill Japanese weirdness, from the i-Fairy's perspective it probably seemed more like a cruel joke. As anyone working in robotics would know, there is but one aptitude test that robots will never beat us in: The capacity to love.

Tends to be a bit of a sore subject, too.

#1. Looks Like I Made a Mess. CLEAN IT UP, ROBOT!

Yelling at technologically astonishing bomb robots for crappy pancakes is one thing. Recently we're seen the future of the robot blame game, and it isn't pretty. For the robots anyway.

As you might have heard, a little bit of oil started leaking into the Gulf of Mexico back in April. BP tried everything to contain the leak: top hats, caps, golf balls, finger pointing in congressional committees. Nothing seemed to be working. Then they pulled their trump card, under-fucking-water robots. Yes, we all said, this will be awesome. And lo, it was. The robot managed to halve the amount of oil pouring into the Gulf. The media hailed it as a huge achievement and BP was happy to take the credit for something going sort-of right. 24 hours later, another one of the robots patrolling deep under the ocean accidentally bumped into the pipe making the leak worse than ever.

So if BP took the robot's credit the day before, were they going to accept blame now?

"Oh, HELL no."

As the Daily Show pointed out, Brian Kilmeade of Fox and Friends called the robot out on air for its blunder, asking, "What was that robot thinking?". But blaming an inanimate object for the accident didn't stop at crazy people. Various other news outlets made it clear that it was absolutely the fault of our mechanical friend. Very little mention was made about the fact that these robots are tethered to ships and in those ships are people who are directly controlling the movement of the robots. According to the media, it was the Superman-like robotic submarine's fault, not the guy up top controlling him.

Italian Plumber jumps off bridge, must have been depressed- The Media

The worst part (for the robots) is that the containment cap was replaced shortly thereafter, slowing the oil leak again. Replaced by the robot. Didn't hear about that, did you? That's because humanity decided the real story here was that the damn underwater robot, programmed and controlled by humans, doing the jobs we Americans can't or won't, was a dumbass who had seriously failed.

For more robot madness, check out 5 Real Robots Built To Love You... To Death and The 7 Creepiest Real-Life Robots.

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