4Cow and Chicken - Carpet Munching
Cow and Chicken is a program best known for desperately trying to be Ren and Stimpy but succeeding mostly in being humorless and annoying. Proving that above all else it recognizes its audience, the show's episode "Buffalo Gals" aims straight for the kids' funny bones with jokes about terrifying lesbian bikers.
The episode opens with Cow and Chicken coming down for breakfast with their parents, who it is important to note are both human beings that evidently lost their arms in some kind of accident because they use their feet to do everything. Then a fierce female motorcycle gang called the Buffalo Gals suddenly bursts into the house, with no explanation as to why they selected this particular home or why they chose to invade it at 8 a.m.
Once inside, they promptly drop to their knees and begin to... chew furiously on the carpet.
If you're from a part of the world with different lesbian slang, or have just led a very sheltered life, the whole "carpet munching" thing is a reference to female oral sex. Apparently the writers were also afraid that simply showing the action would be too subtle a joke, so first we get the main characters mistaking the bikers for men, calling one of them "sir," at which point they introduce themselves as "the Buffalo Gals." Then Mom explains that this group of bikers with butch haircuts "randomly bursts into people's homes and chews on their carpet."
Where other shows are happy to throw out some nod-and-wink innuendo for the grownups, Cow and Chicken devoted pretty much the rest of the episode to it. The group invites Cow to one of their softball outings...
GET IT BECAUSE LESBIANS PLAY SOFTBALL
...where she can learn about "pitching" and "catching" which, while being another gay joke, is used here to insult the wrong gender. Jesus, guys, if you can't keep your 80s stand-up comedy gay stereotypes straight, how are the children supposed to learn?
3Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Oedipal Zombie
This one doesn't involve sly sexual innuendo, but we wish it did. The season four episode of the Turtles' 2003 revamp, "Insane in the Membrane," may be the most disturbing 23 minutes ever vaguely associated with Cypress Hill. It was deemed too fucked up to be aired on television (although it's included on the DVD).
The episode revolves around Baxter Stockman, April O'Neil's former boss and the inventor of the Mousers. After an increasing series of failures, Stockman has been reduced from a mildly handsome man in his early 30s to a significantly less handsome brain in a jar. So as a practical and totally not impossible solution, he starts building a clone of his old body to transfer his consciousness into. Seems like pretty standard cartoon stuff so far.
Unfortunately, something goes wrong and his new body begins rotting like a corpse, losing pieces as the episode progresses until it's just a mass of missing fingers and exposed muscle tissue and tendons.
At one point, part of his jawbone falls off and starts flapping around like the top of a hobo's top hat.
On top of all that, his mind starts deteriorating as well, giving him flashbacks throughout the episode to his innocent childhood and his dead mother. He also becomes convinced that he should kill April, whom he keeps calling "momma" as he slips in and out of hallucinations, tossing the kids a murderous Oedipal Complex to go along with the walking corpse of a black man they've been watching for the past 20 minutes.
Do we need to stop and remind everyone that this is a cartoon about pizza-eating turtles?
At some point between the episode's production and its scheduled airing, somebody in the studio realized the carnival of horror they were about to unleash on the children of America and decided to pull it, though it is still readily available to any kid with 15 bucks to spend on the DVD.