#3. The Government is Lying About 9/11
If you had an Internet connection about four years ago, you likely ran into some 9/11 conspiracy theorists. The 9/11 attack has been to conspiracy theorists what Prohibition was to Al Capone. They believe that the government either secretly knew that it was going to happen before it happened, or did the deed themselves to have an excuse to go to war. And while it eventually faded as all Internet memes eventually do, a select few crazy people work tirelessly to keep the fire burning.
And like dumbasses to the attention flame, Rosie O'Donnell, Charlie Sheen, Janeane Garafalo, Jesse Ventura, Woody Harrelson and other less important people have flocked to the movement. For instance, O'Donnell famously said on national TV that 9/11 was "the first time in history that fire has melted steel - it is physically impossible."
We at Cracked.com would never dare question Ms. O'Donnell's expertise in the field of metallurgy, but how does she think steel is made? Does she think we dig up chunks of it already in the shape of a car door? Has she not seen the climax of Terminator 2?
Makes us a little misty-eyed just thinking about it.
No response from the President yet. Maybe because he knows something.
The Low Point:
But that's just something Sheen did in his spare time. Everybody is entitled to some crazy beliefs, right? And it's not like these people are out there profiting from this stuff.
#2. Fidel is Your Friend
Fidel Castro has endeared himself to so many Tinsel Town heavyweights it's hard to keep track of them. Steven Spielberg described his 2002 meeting with Castro as "the eight most important hours of my life," just edging out the birth of his children and marriage to his wife. Jack Nicholson referred to Castro as a "genius" after meeting with him for a few hours in 1998. Other celebrities who've visited Castro and his island fortress and have come back roses and sunshine include Robert Redford, Leonardo Dicaprio, Spike Lee and Oliver Stone.
Castro's beard is like catnip to Oscar nominees.
Chevy Chase put it best when he described Cuba under Castro as proof that "there have been areas where socialism has helped to keep people stabilized at a certain level." In a weird way, Chase was right; Castro's version of socialism has kept people stabilized through imprisonment and mass executions.
The Cuban American National Foundation estimates that there have been 12,000 political executions since the bearded one took power in 1959. The Association for the Study of the Cuban Economy puts the number between 15,000 and 18,000.
Maybe the celebrities of the world discount those numbers; the thing about a communist dictatorship is it's kind of hard for outsiders to get solid information (Internet access there is restricted, and emails are monitored). But come on. Have they ever wondered how he could stay in power for almost half a freaking century? May Day baskets? Free shower curtains? Nope, Castro has maintained power the same way every dictator in the history of civilization has done it: political, civil and media repression. And by repression, we mean Stalinist gulags.
Instead of trying to make a joke about gulags, please enjoy these adorable baby porcupines.
The Low Point:
We could go with this claim in the New York Post that Castro has given the ol' flesh cigar to 35,000 women, but we'd prefer to not leave you with that mental image.
Try not to think about where that finger's been.
So how about Oliver Stone spending three days with Castro shooting a friendly documentary called Comandante in 2002, only to have HBO refuse to air it. Why? Because shortly after the interviews (intended to show the "human" side of Castro) Castro jailed 75 political dissidents, including journalists, human rights activists and even some freaking librarians.
#1. Immunization is Bad for You
If you didn't have to spend your childhood like this:
...you can thank vaccines for pretty much eradicating Polio. Same for smallpox and measles. But don't bother telling that to one-time "it" girl and Playboy centerfold Jenny McCarthy, who is utterly convinced immunizations gave her son autism. They totally didn't, but to prove her point she's made the talk show rounds, organized Washington D.C. rallies and, most unforgivably, persuaded Jim Carrey to join her in her crusade.
How is Jim Carrey like Jenny McCarthy? Both have built a career on talking out of their asses.
Unlike the 9/11 conspiracy silliness, this crusade will wind up killing people. You see, parents have started to believe her, already resulting in a spike in measles-related sicknesses, thanks to an unwillingness to get their kids vaccinated. Good going Jenny, keep showing up on Oprah hawking your books and maybe next time you can bring back the mumps, or typhoid fever, or every other disease you can get on Oregon Trail.
Despite the Oregon Trail's claims, rest cannot cure every disease.
She's not alone. Bill Maher contends that not only are flu shots unnecessary, but they also give you Alzheimer's. Maher doesn't say where he got his proof, but there's a good chance it came from Herman Fudenberg: a physician famous for his anti-vaccine agenda who had his medical license suspended in 1995 by the medical board of South Carolina after being found guilty of "engaging dishonorable, unethical or unprofessional conduct."
The Low Point:
Jenny McCarthy is about to get her own show to promote her bullshit full time, pushed with the full force of the Oprah Winfrey promotional machine.
"What do you desire, our queen?"
All of America is about to catch McCarthy Fever! And measles.
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Check out some more frightening things celebrities have supported in The Top 10 Secret Celebrity Scientologists and The 5 Most Ridiculous Celebrity Cameos in Japanese Ads.
And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 07.12.10) to see which columnist thinks the World Cup being hosted in South Africa was a ploy by the UN to increase the countries corn trade and improve America's whisky.