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6 Real People With Secret Identities Nobody Saw Coming

The most unrealistic part of a show like Dexter or even a comic character like Batman is the whole secret identity thing. It really is laughable that you'd be able to live two completely separate lives, often on opposite sides of the law, without someone figuring it out after a few months. Every character with a secret identity seems to be surrounded by nothing but oblivious morons.

Yet real life has given us examples of people who carried on this kind of brazen charade for years. People like ...

#6.
Sergio Gutierrez Benitez

The public persona:

Father Sergio Benitez is a secular priest operating a small orphanage in Mexico. He had gotten in trouble with drugs as a kid, so when he was in his early 20s, he went into the priesthood to try to turn his life around.

It totally worked; he became a mild-mannered man helping impoverished and parentless kids, living the quiet life and trying to steer them away from the troubled youth he barely escaped. He taught philosophy. He became the kind of guy you imagine spends a lot of time in quiet rooms reading theological texts for long hours by candlelight.


Prepare to be surprised.

The secret identity:

For 23 years, this mild-mannered man of God would come home at night, take off his collar and put on the flamboyant mask and cape of a lucha libre wrestler.

In the ring, he went by the name of Fray Tormenta (Friar Storm).


Also, he is in amazing shape.

Yes. It's Nacho Libre. That movie was based on a thing that actually happened.

Father Benitez did not break his and other wrestlers' bones for all these years because he craved fame or couldn't find gainful employment with a philosophy degree. The priest did it for the money, which he then blew on kids. And to make that last statement a tad less creepy, we meant that he took up wrestling to finance the orphanage after not receiving any help from the church superiors. This awesome act of kindness was unfortunately punished decades later when he was played by Jack Black.


"Why is a partially shaved monkey playing me ...?"

He kept this a secret for more than two decades. The padre never made a fortune, but he continued grappling sweaty men even after another wrestler finally discovered his true identity. In the end, Fray Tormenta saved the orphanage, which so far has produced dozens of teachers, lawyers and computer technicians. Today, Father Benitez is retired from wrestling but the legend of Fray Tormenta lives on through movies, video game characters and comic books inspired by his wrestling guise. There's also Fray Tormenta Jr., one of Benitez's orphans who wrestles under the priest's old mantle when he's not working as a criminal law specialist for the Mexican state of Hidalgo.


Wait -- does this mean all Jack Black movies are real?

#5.
Sean Laurence Waygood

The public persona:

Sean Waygood worked as an occupational health and safety adviser for a Sydney freight company, and by all accounts, his life was even more boring than his job description.


"My entire existence is one long, slow death."

Waygood's co-workers used to jokingly call the tedious and fussy Waygood "Major Pain" due to the man's four-year stretch in the army and the stick made from reinforced diamonds shoved up his ass when it came to workplace safety. While not working or spending time with his girlfriend and two kids, Waygood also helped out at the nonprofit organization Wesley Mission. The man was Ned Flanders.


Like most missions involving Wesley, it didn't end well.

The secret identity:

If based on the Nacho Libre entry you thought these were all going to be heartwarming stories, we want you to brace yourself. See, when Waygood wasn't busy softly hugging orphans to sleep or admonishing his co-workers for smoking in the break room, he performed the duties of a professional hitman for one of the biggest criminal networks in Australia.

According to an eight-year police investigation, he might be responsible for up to nine brutal murders on behalf of known mob boss Tony Perish.


"Remember folks! Safety first, or I'll come to your house at night and stab you!"

Waygood and Perish met in 2000 when Waygood was a bouncer $100,000 in debt to the career criminal. To avoid taking a personal tour of the nearest harbor in cement sneakers, he started doing hits for Perish, which came pretty easy to him, considering Waygood's past experience as a freaking highly trained army commando.

His known contracts include gunning down a man in front of a pub and trying to kill Felix Lyle, a member of the Bandidos outlaw motorcycle club, which later inspired Sons of Anarchy. But the murder that finally got Waygood arrested was that of fellow criminal and Perish's rival Terry Falconer, who in November 2001 was visited at his house by Waygood, Perish and a third person, all dressed as police officers. Falconer's dismembered body was found in seven plastic bags in the Hastings River.


Yeah, basically.

After the arrest, the cops searched Waygood's house and discovered -- hidden right under his family's noses the entire time -- a collection worthy of a small battalion of sociopathic killers, including:

Rubber face masks and wigs,
3,000 rounds of ammunition;
A bolt-action rifle,
A rifle with a silencer,
A Ruger Mini-14 rifle,
A machine pistol,
A .22-caliber pistol,
A Luger pistol,
A .38-caliber pistol,
Bulletproof vests ...


... one piranha gun ...

And creepiest of all, loads of police uniforms and fake badges that enabled Waygood to pose as a member of any police force in Australia (state or federal). We don't even want to know where he got those.

#4.
Shigeo Tokuda

The public persona:

Shigeo Tokuda is an average 76-year-old retired travel agent, currently living with his wife and daughter in Tokyo. Like many retirees, he continues working part-time to keep himself busy. In America, he'd probably wind up working as a door greeter at Walmart. Or maybe work the register at a quiet bed and breakfast out in the country. Something to pass the time in your golden years.

The secret identity:

Tokuda had a better idea. His part-time job is being one of the biggest porn actors in Japan. Described as a "superstar of the elder porn genre," Tokuda has appeared in over 350 smut films, putting his penis into hundreds of women between the ages of 20 and 70. Oh, and he says his family has absolutely no idea about any of this.


"Where're you going?"
"I told you, I have to work at the hardware store tonight. Is this my only clean kimono?"

It all started when Tokuda wanted to watch a porn movie but could not bring himself to meet the criticizing gaze of the apathetic teen employees at the video store. He then decided to buy it directly from the production company and somehow became friends with a director there. One day he was offered a chance to star in some of the studio's senior-themed movies. Surprisingly, the ex-businessman who was too shy to buy porn the regular way eventually agreed to show his erection on camera. Then he did it again. And again. More than 350 times.

"Shigeo Tokuda" is not his real name (we're assuming the Japanese translates to something like "Dick Cockrod"), and the septuagenarian smut cowboy has been hiding under that pseudonym for 14 years.

Although his face is clearly visible in his movies (when not buried between a pair of 20-year-old boobs), there's no serious risk of Tokuda's loved-ones finding out his secret because, to our surprise, watching weird porn is not a government-enforced pastime in Japan (we're going to take a wild guess and say that they don't read Cracked either). Hence Tokuda plans to keep getting paid to nail women a quarter his age until he's 80 and beyond. We're thinking that makes even Bill Gates' retirement plan look like a big pile of shit.


Someday his family will be surprised by how many people at his funeral have boob jobs.

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