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The next time you're ready to call in sick because you got a paper cut on that really painful place between your thumb and pointer finger, you might want to consider the following stories. These folks not only didn't let horrific injuries and life destroying disabilities get them down, they actually turned them into superpowers. #5.
Douglas Bader, Alexey Maresyev, Colin "Hoppy" Hodgkinson
Three of the Allied Forces best fighter pilots in WWII. The Condition:We've mentioned Bader and Maresyev before; Bader for his uncanny ability to flirt his way out of multiple Nazi prison camps and Maresyev for his awesome inability to die. But here's the thing: neither of them had legs. That's right. Both were decorated WWII pilots who racked up impressive records after crash landing their legs right the hell off. It's not just a bizarre coincidence.
The explanation lies with Hodgkinson, our third Ace of WWII, who lost his legs while practicing an aerial exercise blindfolded. Or more specifically, the answer lies with the follow-up question that story is likely to elicit: WHY WOULD THEY ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO FLY A MILLION DOLLAR PIECE OF EQUIPMENT WHILE FREAKING BLINDFOLDED?
How It's An Advantage: Unlike the Cracked Summer Intern Post-It Eating Contest, pilots didn't fly "blind" because their superiors needed something hilarious to gamble on. Being able to fly without actually seeing anything was a part of a fighter pilots job thanks to a little something called G-force. As pilots and roller coaster enthusiasts will tell you, G-force is fine in moderation. But ramp up the G's and that delightful tingle you get in your man pouch at the top of the first hill of a roller coaster can drain all the blood from your head, leaving you temporarily blind or, less temporarily, dead. The fighter planes of the Second World War were capable of all kinds of airborne acrobatics that found pilots' bodies moving in the opposite direction of their blood. Dogfights were a constant balance between out-maneuvering the guy trying to turn you into confetti, and trying not to steer the sight out of your eyes. One hairpin turn and you'd find yourself with all the blood your brain needs for seeing down in your feet. Or at least, that was a problem for people who had legs for their blood to drain into.
Having no legs, the blood is thought to have had less room to drain inside of legless pilots, allowing them to pull tighter turns inside their fighters and thereby kick more ass than your average, full-bodied pilot. And ass they did kick. Throughout his legless career, Bader took out more than 22 German planes in less than two years. Maresyev completed over 86 combat missions, shot down 11 enemy aircraft (three in a single dogfight) and won the Golden Star of the Hero of the Soviet Union. While Hodgkinson had less time in the air without legs, he managed two kills during the war, the second of which saved the life of Percy "Laddie" Lucas's life, who went on to be the hero of the Siege of Malta, one of the most strategically important battles in all of WWII.
When taken in its entirety, it's pretty clear that Marvel could be minting money if they'd latched onto Hodgkinson's story: After losing his legs to an accident that is meant to prepare him for the effects of G-force in battle, he wakes up with an uncanny immunity to the effects of G-force, goes on to take out an F-14 with the oddly ironic superpower his origin story gave him, indirectly allowing the Allies to win one of the most important battles of the most important war in modern history. #4.
Erika "Aya" Eiffel
The greatest archer in the world for a spell, Eiffel won all three National Cup events in 2003 breaking records left and right but mostly in the center because... you know.
Love is a crazy thing. You never know when it's going to sneak up on you or who you might fall for. One minute you're enjoying the single life and WHAM! You're standing on top of the Eiffel Tower, one of the most romantic locations in the world, ass over tea kettle in love! Also... you're completely alone. You see Erika has objectum sexuality (OS) a rare disorder in which women are attracted to objects. She "married" the Eiffel Tower in 2007 and changed her name to reflect the bond. Her other love affairs include the Golden Gate Bridge and the Berlin Wall. While we should all be so lucky to find a partner so solid, grounded and extremely well endowed...
...Mrs. Eiffel's affliction is both medically recognized, and the 20th century equivalent of being gay in the Old West. You're unlikely to win many friends in high school after explaining that, no, you like reeeeally love that bridge two towns over (Erika's first crush). Erika spent her first 30 years hiding her true feelings from the world "for the sake of self preservation," settling for easy to hide and transport inanimate objects such as the piece of fence she keeps in her room. How It's An Advantage:One of the first inanimate objects Erika slummed it with was a bow she named "Lance." While holding inanimate objects close enough to smell is raises a few eyebrows in most settings, Erika found solace in the world of archery. In fact, she believes that if she hadn't been in love with Lance, she may never have become a world-class archer. Her feelings for objects didn't stop with Lance. Another one of her obsessions is with a katana (samurai sword) which lead her to win a world title in Japanese sword fighting. Still not badass enough? Well you're in luck because she has also fallen for an F-15 fighter jet! Her flying skills improved so greatly during the course of that relationship that she won a $250,000 scholarship to the United States Air Force Academy.
#3.
Dustin Carter
Dustin Carter is a wrestler. Now 20-years old, he became news worthy two years ago, after he had a 41-2 season at Hillsboro High School near Cincinnati, Ohio. While you may assume this is what passes as "newsworthy" in Ohio...
...Dustin's story has also been told all over the country and the world as proof that anything is possible with a little hard work. Why is some high school wrestler getting all of this attention?
When he was five-years old, he contracted a rare blood disease that claimed all four of his limbs. As the homeless Vets rolling through New York City's subway system will be glad to tell you, life without legs is hard enough. Losing both his legs, and half of each arm was no less challenging for Dustin, who grew up depressed and a straight "F" student. How It's An Advantage:All of that changed in the eighth grade when he discovered wrestling. The sport allowed him to put his disability behind him, and in his first head to head match-up with his opponent... well, he got his ass kicked. What did you expect? But with extensive training, lots of practice and a patient coach Dustin learned to make his disability work for him, and eventually made it all the way to the Division II state finals.
One of the most important skills a wrestler can have is the ability to "drop weight." For most wrestlers, this involves doing unhealthy things to your body to sweat off pounds before weigh-in and then doing even more unhealthy things to your body to regain your natural weight before the actual match. But it's all worth it when you step on the mat against a lighter opponent, and get to toss him around like a rag doll.
Having dropped all the weight he needed to when he lost his arms and legs, Dustin's 103 pounds put him easily into the smallest weight category for his sport. However, compared to his opponents, who had to jog around in trash bags before lugging their pain in the ass arms and legs with them, Dustin was proportionally much stronger. Speaking of arms and legs, the part of wrestling that doesn't involve weighing yourself like you're being exchanged in a drug deal revolves around getting people's limbs in various, uncomfortable holds. Dustin was a tough matchup for the same reason that lefty pitchers are coveted in baseball: They're not what people are used to. How good you are as a wrestler is all about how good you are at getting someone in an arm bar, or bending their leg behind their head. For Dustin's opponent's it was just unorthodox, it must have been like stepping into the batter's box against a pitcher who could throw an 80 MPH knuckler with his toes. This made him unorthodox enough to get by people, even though his lack of limbs made the whole tossing them around like a rag doll thing pretty much impossi-
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I thought for sure Oscar Pistorius or a paraolympian would make this list.
You wanna throw us some context on that one, or just generally assume that "Oscar Pistorius" is a household name? If you think I'm gonna Wiki your comment, you are severely underestimating my laziness. And, most likely, the laziness of the internet at large.
does Stephen Hawking count?
Not only does he count, but he also does long-division, algebra, geometry, and astrophysics.
walked right into that one... shoulda gone with 'apply,' but then I guess you coulda gone with 'yes, he applies quantum wave functions in rigorous fashion'..... can't win, damnit!
Tepo, you are a genius
Haha good work Tepo
In all seriousness, he doesn't count because his disability isn't helpful to his work. He's a genious despite of it, not because of it. It hinders his work, since he has to do everything in his head, or use his incredibly slow eye-interface to interact with people and computers. If he was fully mobile, he'd be even more capable, though probably not quite as famous.
And there's also the fact that he was a genius before his condition (which i think started in college).
Tepo, f**king A man. Kudos.
Dustin Carter looks a hell of a lot like a kid I went to school with o.0
Man that Erika is such a s**t!
What the hell are they talking about with this Three-Finger Brown business? Better than Christy Mathewson? I don't think so. You would be hard-pressed to find someone who would put Brown ahead of Mathewson. Don't get me wrong, Brown was a great pitcher (the general consensus is that he's in the top 15 or 20) but don't exaggerate his greatness for the sake of the article, he was amazing enough.
someone needs 2 stop drinking some Haterade
f**k YEAR. I agree with this man wholeheartedly (regarding Matthewson). He and his brother hold the record for most wins by brothers playing on the same team (Christy has all of them), and while Three-Finger Brown was a great pitcher, I don't know of any manager who would take 239 wins in a career over 373.
What the author likely screwed up in reference to is the fact that Brown's ERA is the third best career ERA of any pitcher, rather than that he is the third best pitcher ever.
yeah... but he was a Jedi, so f**k Matthewson
Run this by me again... how do you get a scholarship to a school where tuition is free to every student? Seriously, getting into a service academy is impressive, but the last I checked all you had to pay was a deposit to cover initial uniforms, a laptop and stuff. It's $3,000 at the Coast Guard Academy and presumably not much more at the USAFA.
I think they meant Erika Eiffel was accepted to USAFA, which costs (us, the taxpayers) about $250K per student for four years. Reading between the lines on the article that was linked and mentioned she had been discharged from the AF, though, my guess is her obsession may have helped her with concentrating on and learning F-15s, but that she was a little too obsessed, and that someone who is more interested in connections with things has problems connecting with people. That would be a definite liability in the military in which cameraderie and teamwork is more important than raw technical skill. At least, that's what I learned from that Navy doc*mentary "Top Gun" with Tom Cruise. Anyhoo, she appears to have the type of personality disorder that would get you medically discharged from the military. Doing the math on when she would have graduated, I'd say some USAFA grad or airman from the mid-90s would know what happened with her and could chime in.
When one is accepted into a service academy, they receive a scholarship for their education, with the condition that they finish all four years at the school AND serve in the military for a certain amount of time (drop out and you need to pay this money back). One doesn't pay much money out of their pocket in order to attend the school, but the education is only free (meaning the cadet is not paying anything for the education) because of the scholarship. There is a financial value for the education, which can be several thousand dollars a semester. The government is paying for the education, so the education is only "free" to the one receiving it.
I don't mean to be a buzzkill, but how it works for any service academy here is that you recieve a certain amount of money based on your service contract with which to pay back the U.S. government. It does not actually cost the tax-payers $250k for four years as it is a decided amount of value by the military based on the school in addition to the obligation of four years worth of service that the government put you through school for. The taxpayer, such as myself, does help pay for the school however it is not expensive to us given that mostly all of the faculty and staff are military members the finance of which is the same as anyone in the same rank as them throughout the military and has also been accounted for since a system of training has been set up in the military.
@Big_Z and wolfgirl90: I've been in the military for 25 years and known a lot of Academy grads, and no one has referred to receiving a "scholarship" to a service academy. You earn an appointment, and because there is no tuition, there are no scholarships or financial assistance to defray the cost of school. I also don't understand the double-secret-probation sunk-cost bookkeeping method; the cost to the taxpayer of an academy education is the cost of everything associated with the academy (teacher salaries, books, facilities, travel, etc.) divided by the number of graduates. That ends up "actually" costing the taxpayer a bit more than $250K for an academy education because the buildings, jobs, etc., would not have to otherwise exist. Whether that is more or less expensive than the alternatives is debatable, but that remains the "actual cost." Personally, I think it's far more expensive than the training alternatives (OTS and ROTC), and again based on my experience, produces many fine officers but does not necessarily produce better officers. But, back to the main point, the article mentioned Erika received a $250K scholarship to USAFA, when a more accurate statement would have been that she received an appointment to USAFA that is worth around $250K. She also eventually went through pilot training and then trained in an F-15. Then she lost it all because she fell in love with a metal structure.
I would have put on Tony Iommi. He lost a finger when a huge piece of metal fell on it, and almost had to put his guitar away and give up the instrument for life. But then he got a metal replacement digit, and found that not only could he still play, but his guitar strings, when vibrating against the metal, attained a very new, powerful distortion effect. The guy went on to play a long and successful career in Black Sabbath, creating a music genre known as 'heavy metal' (get it? He lost his finger cos of heavy metal?) and changed the face of rock beyond all recognition. But I didn't write it, so i didn't.
I absorbed some knowledge from you today!
loss of his finger lead to his simple, dropped down, loud and rhythmic style. Very influential because of it, I agree.
He didn't lose a finger - he lost all his fingertips. This meant he had to down-tune his guitar to reduce tension in the strings so he could play. That is what led to the heavier, bassy sound.
I'm very happy that someone mentioned that before I got to it. I thank you as a metal nerd.
Jean Jacques Machado should be on this list, in my opinion.
Go on...
Don't get me wrong, the wrestler kid is amazing, and its an impressive feat and I'm not knocking him down or saying anything mean, but doesn't that seem like cheating in a way? The kids he is wrestling against are, really, the ones at a disadvantage it seems to me. He can be soooo much stronger than they will ever be because they have an extra 15-20 pounds of arms and legs he doesn't, so he can have an extra 15 pounds of muscle around the rest of his body. Weighs the same, but twice as strong in a more concentrated area. I don't really understand why any wrestlers would agree to take him on. Add to that you basically can't put him in any hold or use most traditional wrestling moves, and I just don't see the point. I'm glad it makes him feel better about his life, I really am. But it seems like hes not really playing by the rules in a way.
Plus the other wrestlers spend all of their time training to go up against your average everyday wrestler. its not like they get to spend time learning about how to fight a disabled person or the specific tactics that are more effective on this one kid you will wrestle one time the whole season. They walk into a match they don't understand how to fight against someone who spends all their time finding ways turn their disability into ways to destroy other wrestlers who can't even use the same moves on him. I know I'm taking this too far, but I just keep thinking about unfair it is. I'd be pissed off if I had to put a loss on my record for fighting someone I wasn't even remotely prepared for in a regulated sport.
I think that's the point of this article, someone using a disability to an advantage, not "someone overcoming a disability".
Crow3711. you make a good point on that last sentence... but at the same time... its kind of retarded. basically your saying, people who don't look like you. aren't aloud to participate in sports you play? so we should make them outcasts because they are better than you? if a weight lifter who has Hypertrophy goes against a normal person. THAT! would be unfair. because the one with Hypertrophy has muscle handed to him. but this wrestling kid worked his ass off, not everyone with limb injuries can kick ass like he does
bringing it down to something that basic is just twisting his words around, that is obviously not his intention. i wouldn't say that it is unfair, he is just working with what he has, but it definitely would suck to have to fight him. Although, i am sure enough wrestlers have heard about him, they should prepare themselves in case they have to fight him.
also, don't you think the people are kind of like "either I lose to a disabled kid and take it on my record or beat him and look like a dick." I know not everyone thinks like that, but some probably feel too much pity to fairly fight him.
I find it hard to blame someone for having a different body than anyone else, as long as he wrestles by all the legal rules of the sport you can't really knock him. Like most sports, some people are better wrestlers because they have the right build for it. It's just in this kids case, an accident gave him the right build.
Bull. I'm not knocking the kid, he works hard, but come on. Pitting him against average wrestlers is just unfair. How are you realistically supposed to beat him?
just choke his ass out...
Here is a little secret I learned about life after losing my legs and partial use of the right arm while in Iraq... Wait, maybe I shouldn't tell you, it goes against anything you may have heard of in gradeschool. Screw it, I'll just reaveal the big secret right now... The entire world is based on the fact that life is NOT fair. This works both ways. The limited use of my right hand gave me an advntage to win in a shooting competion against other fellow soldiers on account of the fact that my wrist no longer moves, thus giving me a steadier shot group than what is physically possible. However, I can no longer move across the battlefield in the way I used to so they beat me hands-down in those regards. The thing is about all this is that if I claimed to be best at something, I had damned well be the best no matter what opponent I may face.
Also, perhaps it is a trade-off of sorts. He may be able to beat the hell out of them wrestling, but they do maintain the option of running away. Survival of the fittest and whatnot thus bringing balance back to the natural world.
They should just estimate roughly what his weight would be if he had his limbs and put him in the appropriate weight category. Then it's unquestionably fair in my opinion, and all of his wins are 100% legit.
Son of b***h. I just realized that this website probably doesn't post website links because of the bots. Anyway, I guess just google "matthew zajac skydiving" and click on the first link. That is the kinda thing I've been up to since losing my legs in Baghdad. They were wrong, though. I was not in a damned tank. I am Infantry. Not that there is anything wrong with tanks. I really like them it's just that I was not lucky enough to be in one. (speaking of being attracted to objects, giggity)
When I was wrestling in high school, there was a team that had a guy with no arms or legs at all. He lost rather quickly every time...
I dont believe you.
There is Jan Mela, a Polish double amputee (one arm and one leg) went on an expedition to reach the North Pole and became the youngest person to do so. I know the doctors who made his special, cold-resistant protheses. Those were a work of art. But still, walking around in snow for eight months, pulling your equipment on sled... amazing. There's also Bill Shannon, a guy who skateboards and breakdances witch crutches.
that makes sense, he is a witch!
Several years ago I read about a rock climber who lost both feet to frostbite. He actually became a much better climber since he could have feet custom made for particular types of climbs including extra small for fitting into smaller cracks in the rock.
Isn't a woman who's attracted to objects just a lesbian?
*facepalm*
All women are attracted to objects.
Ba-da, *snare*!
Erika certainly insists that the Eiffel Tower is female...
Women are attracted to ideas... Which manifest themselves as objects. ie) flowers = attention, diamond rings = devotion, big house = good provider, fast car = good lover, etc.
And sadly, none of previous replys will ever have a woman attracted to their object.
You know what "idea" women really find unattractive? Sexism.
@Peculiar: That's not true. If women weren't attracted to Sexism then there'd be a whole lot less people walking around as the choice would be between three categories: Good natured guys who have a sense of humor, Spineless twigs(ie: Sexists) who humor a woman to get into her pants, and mindblowingly attractive Jerks.
I know you´re a troll and all, but lesbians like p***y, like you! Only they have came in contact with one, unlike you.
"Life destroying" = "Good luck getting a girl to let you stump f**k her"
Life destroying disabilities?
Isn't that a little harsh?
These people are awesome.
But if you think they have "Life destroying disabilities" you should learn a thing or two about the Paralympics.
I'm not just some nut all crazy about PC terms.
I've been disabled for 20 years.
It's a cute story, it's a good start.
But life destroying disabilities?
Really?
Though this is kind of a cool post, this is the last time I leave my account open.
Sorry world.
Dude, not to be a dick or anything, but when a blood disease takes all of your limbs you can safely say your life is "destroyed." Of course, nothing short of death will ACTUALLY destroy a person's life, but metaphorically speaking the title of this article was pretty spot-on.
Oh and one more thing, having competed in a paralympic competion in Oklahoma, I understand where your coming from. That being said, you gotta chill out. I would not call what happened to me "life destroying" but it most certainly did change my life entirely. I do not fault people for their perceptions on such things as that was a perception that I used to have prior to my injuries. Just be pleased that it is a positive article, there is no sense in being indignent at this juncture.
It "destroyed" the life they were going to have, the "normal" average, arms and legs life most of us tend to live through. That life was destroyed for some of these people. It creates a new life for them. with its own set of circ*mstances and challenges, so you're right, their ENTIRE lives aren't destoyed. But the life they knew? Sounds pretty destroyed to me. Wasn't your life before your situation destroyed by whatever happened? It's not a negative or mean thing, they are amazing. but they lives they were born with are gone...they just have new ones now.
ehh. i think Fighter Jets are Sexy in a way. this way:
those big, round, powerful engines growling and whistling as they suck and ignite the cold air, turning it into flames and push the dense mass across the horizon, embeeded on the aerodynamic chasis, the curves, the edges, the reflection of the sun in the shinny metal interrupted by the solidly hammered rivets, the Control Surfaces cutting through the dense wind, and working with nature's laws, making them obey man's will... just like the bombs, missiles and cannons declarate Power and domination over anything infront and below...
see? i should be writting poems instead of comments.
Wow. First time I got a boner from a description of a fighter jet.
whoo hoo. i gave somebody on the internet a boner.
this will have grim repercusions some day.
Damnit Cracked, do you WANT me to go mangle myself horribly in an accident so that I may, by some stroke of luck, become a god at a given activity or profession!?
"Icalasari, the one-eyed god of sex". Just hearing that should give you the answer.
Yes, please go out and mangle yourself!
how come we don't use good, sturdy names like "mordecai"? now, everyone's named "skyler" or "cadence" or "micah". those aren't names, those are signs that your parents wish they were interesting.
Micah actually comes from the same Book as Mordecai.
and what makes Mordecai "sturdy" anyway? I don't usually think of sorcerers as being terribly sturdy.
Because if I named by child Mordecai I'd have to send him to live in Mount Doom.
mordecai and micah are both biblical names, so you kind of fail.