Cracked is out of Quaaludes and cheap human labor, which means another road trip to the coast of Thailand. It's good thing we bought that old Schwimmwagen from that creepy German guy who works in accounting.
Gladstone rode back into town early this week to deliver a column on Kevin Costner and also that oil spill in Mexico or wherever. Cody fabricated a Wiki entry for JD Salinger while Bucholz imagined modern man without the Internet. Next up, Brockway brought us an auto-care guide for sociopaths. Seanbaby made drunken cop comics, while Dan O'Brien closed us out with a Facebook detective story.
|7 Incredible Ways Sports Improved (And Even Saved) Lives
Sorry nerds, being active actually IS good for you. Put down the controller and go toss a ballskin around the game-field.
"Also, playing WoW doesn't make you a nerd, and thinking it does is just sad."
RogueKielbasa has taken 5 ranks in the Self-Delusion talent. .
|The 10 Most Important Things They Didn't Teach You In School
Thank goodness Hollywood was there to pick up the slack. We learned everything we know about relationships basic problem solving from The A Team.
"You missed "civics". Lesson #1: never speak to the police. Never answer their questions. Never make a statement. Speak to your lawyer only."
Actually, PaulMurray, our general strategy for dealing with law-enforcement is to immediately fake a seizure. Soiling yourself is optional, but recommended.
|7 Classic Disney Movies Based On R-Rated Stories
Disney: Cleaning up filth to make it palatable for children.
"He doesn't go into specifics of what happened, though, he just said he curled up with the body. It takes 3 days, roughly, for death to occur(if he has no water) so, you never know, he could of taken those three days doing what he could of never hoped to do while she was alive without the help of chloroform. Death beats chloroform any day."
Boogers, you've spent an uncomfortable amount of time thinking about this."
|The 6 Most Insanely Misguided Attempts At Viral Marketing
In all honesty, cage matches would have made high school way more fun. Billy O'Leary wouldn't have been able to make fun of us with a shank in his belly.
"As a very British person, I must say that we do in fact have a "Harden The f**k Up Policy", a true Brit should care nothing of a death in the family, the most emotion which should be shown is some misgiving that the working population has decreased by a bit. If anything, I think that that school under reacted, if I was in charge they would have had their friends and family killed off one at a time until they got used to it and Death became a part of them."
discdeath is as English as gum disease and being firebombed by Zeppelins.
|6 Insane True Stories Behind The Stage Names of Celebrities
Americans get confused by the idea of more than one person having the same name.
"I'm an individual and I like my username."
One day, when BoobGurl69 turns 12, he'll look back on this moment and laugh. We've just got a head-start on him.
|BP: Still Working On It, Promise
Ah, they'll fix that mean old spill eventually.
YOU YOU YOU!
|If Objects Got The Toy Story Treatment In Every Movie
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If You Could Take Anything In Pill Form.
Reading Twilight to Guantanamo prisoners turned out to be the best torture of all.
"I'm sorry, according to North Korean health standards your mother is completely healthy."
No matter how long he held his breath, Disney was still going to charge him $12.50 for a keychain.
The Blue Man Group's campaign of terror against mice continues to mystify.
Somewhere, there's a mariachi band standing in the middle of a wrestling ring.
Well, this is the last time I let Gary Busey plan the bachelor party.
Not happy with your Travelocity booking? Meet the gnome in charge of customer complaints.
Thorin's sword wasn't sharp. The orcs ran away in terror all the same.
Why don't you make like a tree and show me your tits.
Typical, you never get to see any bush.
Please ask the French to stop sending us gifts.
They found each other on a carbon dating site
The long-term consequences of forum trolling are only now becoming known.
Disney draws a thin line between making dreams come true and making nightmares a reality.