#3. Girls Gone Wild Apparel
While you'd think a Girls Gone Wild apparel line would consist solely of the tear-away or crotch-less variety, the catalog is surprisingly filled with options a respectable skank could legally wear into a 7-11.
Also a full line of tasteful pants for amputees.
Long-sleeve shirts, sweatpants, leggings -- you can buy all manner of items intended to cover tits and asses stamped with the official logo of of the man who's committed several crimes trying to get them bared.
But don't feel left out, fellas: GGW offers hats, shorts and T-shirts that will let the whole world know "I'm down with pornography with minors and adults who are unaware of being filmed and/or too inebriated for proper decision making," well before you make your court-appointed stop at your neighbors' doorstep to tell them in person.
#2. Evian Water Bra
Ladies, do you have breasts? Do those breasts frequently burst into flames? Well then the Evian Water Bra is for you! Meant to "cool humid breasts," Evian is actively pursuing that valuable market of swamp-dwelling, giant-breasted she-moguls. If you were a bottled water company, what might you branch off into? Home purifiers? Flavored beverages? Swimwear?
Nope! Climate controlled boob-harnesses, all the way.
But hey, they're providing a valuable service here: No longer will your fiery bosoms immolate you, your loved ones and all those around you. Not as long as you simply fill the Evian Water Bra with as much cool, delicious Evian Water as is necessary to cool the heat of the thousand suns that dwells within your mammaries. Fret no more!
Well, we suppose you could just fill an Evian Water Bra with tap water, denying your breasts the expensive but pure, crisp, delicious taste in favor of slathering them in foul peasant water, but why would you? After all, what good is a cool breast, if it must come at the expense of refreshment?
#1. Kellogg's Urban Wear
The Street: A place where life can be bought with a handful of bullets. The only way to live is to live hard, and your rep is your only shield. Street-cred is the difference between standing your ground and laying dead in the street. And what says both that you are not a man to be fucked with--and that you understand black culture because you have lived the life--better than children's cereal?
Kellogg's "Under the Hood" urban wear lets everybody know that this hood is Tony the Tiger's turf, and if you step up you're likely to get a cap Snap, Crackle and Popped in your ass.
Though you undoubtedly look tough in your Honey Smacks low-riders, perhaps emblazoning the words "Dig'em" across your ass-cheeks sends the wrong message, suggesting less that you're a "hard-ass, big-ballin' gangsta" and more that you're, well... no, that's pretty apt, actually.
And that's not one isolated product and an unfortunate photo shoot: They really went full-bore trying to convince wannabe thugs to replace the gun and pot leaf patches on their ass with colorful parrots and suggestions that they like to be "frosted:"
Full Disclosure: Now that you're through laughing, you should know that all photo models pictured died mysteriously after repeatedly falling on moving bullets. Don't you feel bad?
All right, back to laughing:
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How else can you ruin your child's life? We thought you'd never ask; check out 9 Toys That Prepare Children for a Life of Menial Labor and The 5 Creepiest Sex Scenes in Comics.
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