5 Reasons Anyone Could Defeat the CIA in the Bourne Trilogy

#2. The CIA Has Severe Staffing Problems

Here is a typical encounter with the Treadstone/CIA henchmen. When Bourne tracks the aforementioned CIA leak to an apartment at the same time as a team bad guys, Bourne manages to trick them with a flashlight taped to an osculating fan. Seriously, the agents clumsily fall for it like they are the goddamned Wet Bandits from Home Alone.

This is typical of the faceless killers sent off to hunt Bourne, shown here practicing the old "Swing-through-a-frosted-window-while-blindly-shooting-in-the-air technique:"

But really the staffing issues are apparent even in the top-tier positions. For instance, meet Nicky Parsons, a field agent who works at Treadstone's French headquarters:

She does sort of Save The Last Dance for Mr. Bourne.

She appears to be the only employee of Treadstone France (put in charge of literally everything from assassinations to crime scene cover-ups) which means she's terribly overworked for someone who looks like they were recruited strait out of elementary school.

Although she did get to regionals with her jr. high's assassination team.

You could say that maybe she's just some kind of super spy prodigy, but in the second movie Bourne interrogates Nicky at gunpoint and she cries like a little girl watching her kitten get run over, before folding to Bourne like a kitten getting run over.

Oh yeah, also in the third film it is revealed that Nicky had a previous intimate relationship with Bourne before he lost his memory, so this whole time her bosses also saw no reason why they shouldn't keep Bourne's emotional ex on board while they hunted him down and tried to kill him.

Speaking of her bosses...

#1. The CIA Has Severe Management Issues

These problems really do go right to the top. First you have the aforementioned Deputy Director of the CIA, Ward Abbott:

And under him you have the head of the super secret Treadstone mind controlled assassin program, Alexander Conklin:

There is a scene in the first film, The Bourne Identity, where Abbott is questioning Conklin about a failed assassination attempt. Conklin reminds his boss that he had previously promised to "never ask a direct question" pertaining to the project, to which Abbott replies: "You've never screwed up before."

Really, we feel like the whole failure of the secret cabal to kill Jason Bourne can be traced back to that extremely ineffective management technique. Imagine this was the established policy at your job. "Steve, we will never ask you what you're doing unless and until something goes disastrously wrong. Now do your thing!"

It's the classic never-look-at-the-tire-gauge-until-after-the-tire-explodes technique. Though maybe that's not a strong enough analogy considering this is a project based around brainwashing and programming super solders for illegal assassination missions.

But logic isn't cool.

In the end, this particular employee/employer relationship between Conklin and Abbott breaks down considerably when Abbott has Conklin shot in the middle of the street. That's why this movie should be shown in every business class as a "what not to do." If you ever are at the head of a project, or have people working under you, drop in on them every once in a while. Ask to see their work. Don't let things get so bad that you have to murder them.

Deputy Director Abbott continues to employ the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Bosses when one of his employees later approaches him in secrecy to reveal evidence that suggests amnesiac-riddled agent Jason Bourne has been framed. Faced with an employee who is so loyal that when he suspected a possible internal affair he came to him and no one else, Abbott of course stabs him to death.

The whole thing culminates in Abbott making a Scooby Doo confession to Bourne, who records everything. Abbott then he blows his own stupid brain all over the wall.

Worst management skills ever.

Find out why The Greatest Movie Villain Ever is a 'Good' Witch, or order the new Cracked Book, the only place you can read Seanbaby's rundown of 5 Fight Moves That Only Work in the Movies.

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