Being a musician requires at least a few years spent starving to death in a van. Once a rock star reaches a certain level of success, he tends to take advantage of all the things suddenly available to him, particularly the liquor, drugs and ability to destroy inanimate objects. From the point of view of the fans, this is perfectly cool. We expect these guys to live the life of excess that we can't.
"Dude, I would love to do $3,000 worth of drugs and then crash our motorcycles into a trampoline store, but I'm going to IKEA with my girlfriend this afternoon."
The problem is that reaching the hotel destruction stage in a rock career means a lot of people are depending on you. Agents, record companies and concert promoters all have an interest in getting their man to the next concert, or to the next recording session, or out of the children's ball pit and into some pants. And as the latest Apatow movie Get Him to the Greek demonstrates, that's not always going to be easy.
Below, we've listed some of the rock stars who were the most difficult to handle, along with some hypothetical scenarios illustrating why it might suck to be their personal assistant.
7Liam and Noel Gallagher
Liam and Noel Gallagher are the immensely talented brothers responsible for Oasis, the most successful band that everyone wants to punch in the face. Brash and outspoken, they're known for spouting off about Blur, AIDS and how they hope everyone in Blur gets AIDS--comments which have predictably not gone over well with Blur, AIDS sufferers or anybody else.
Rock stars saying stupid things isn't that remarkable. What really makes the Gallagher boys so difficult to deal with is the ridiculous amount of fistfights they manage to get into between themselves. A typical example: Following a canceled show in Barcelona, during a friendly conversation Liam raised his doubts about the fidelity of Noel's wife and legitimacy of his daughter. (We will assume that Liam did so as delicately as he knew how.) This ended unsurprisingly when Noel headbutted his brother and then punched him in the face.
Who could hate a face like that?
Our favorite story, though, is the one where Liam decided to bring a bunch of people he'd met at the pub back to the recording studio where Noel was working, which understandably irritated Noel somewhat. Noel's role as the reasonable person in this story ends when he reacts to this interruption by attacking Liam with a cricket bat, breaking his foot.
Given that their creative partnership is based on barely contained homicidal rage, getting both Gallagher brothers on the stage at the same time has proven to be a bit like refereeing a slap fight between two chimpanzees--only with less poo throwing (probably) and more shrieking of the UK's favorite C-word (definitely).
A Typical Day If You Were Oasis' Personal Assistant:
You: Liam, don't. Don't throw that poo. Don't throw that poo, Liam. Listen to me, Liam. Do not throw that poo at Noel. He is your brother and you love him.
Noel: You fookin love me, man. Don't you throw that poo at me.
Liam: Fook! -he throws the poo at you instead-
You: AGHR! Ahh! What the hell have you been eating? Is this... is this a battery?