6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

Cracked Round-Up: Severe Head Trauma Edition

Drunken khyber tossing sounds like more fun than it really is.


Gladstone brought us a blast from the (1990s) past, before Fortey subjected Psychic Hotlines to the Ghostbusters test. Bucholz gave out tips for staying under Google's radar, while Cody wrote more scary stories. Brockway honored the metal messiah as Seanbaby read some really creepy self-help books. Dan O'Brien capped things off with a pitch for Lost's replacement.

VIOLENCE
5 Lesser Known (Completely Ridiculous) American Civil Wars
Going to war sure as hell beats staying at home and waiting to die of typhus.


Notable Comment:"I wish there was room on the list for the Oyster War between Maryland and Virginia. The two fought some small wars in colonial times, but it was in the 1950s that each state sent out patrol boats to shoot at each other over rights to harvest oysters in the Potomac river."

troll_alx, there's nothing ridiculous about fighting over Oyster.



POWER
5 Superpowers We All Had as Babies (According to Science)
Superpowers AND the ability to poop anywhere, at any time. Being a baby was awesome.


Notable Comment:Rowse16: "They forgot about the ability to practically breathe underwater."

KimySelby: "we'll see about that"



CRAZY PICTURES!
5 Reasons You Should Be Scared of Google
Please don't kick us off the Internet, Google. We still love you!


Notable Comment: "Pssh. I could kick Google's ass. "

Be careful, Mighty. We hear Eric Schmidt is a tai-bo expert.



HISTORY
7 Lost Bodies of Work (That Would Have Changed Everything)
Maybe Matthew and Luke took everything Jesus wrote that wasn't dirty limericks about Mary Magdalene's butt and different cocktail recipes.


Notable Comment: "I pick July to be replaced. America can celebrate its independence on the 4th of Tesluary in apology for the life we rended." MrGingercrisp, we like the sound of "Tesluary". Start lobbying congress.



TRASH
5 Ingenius Contraptions Built Out Of Nothing But Garbage
We once built a vibrator out of a vacuum cleaner and a band-saw. It wasn't well-received.


Notable Comment: "So, who wants to gather millions or even billions of bottles and make the floating nation of Cracked? Of course, the presidential building would be the beer house. Only difference is that we would drink the beer ourselves "

Icalasari, we really don't want the government to come down on us for trying to form a violent separatist movement again. But thanks for the idea.





CRACKED
Catch Up On 'Lost' (Via a 1920s Radio Show)
Yet More Lost.


YOU YOU YOU!
If Movie Universes Had Propaganda Posters
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Rejected Versions of Famous Album Covers


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

5.20.10:

Even in the zombie apocalypse, UPS guarantees your package will be delivered.
by jtague

Editor's pick:

Unfortunately, Chad seriously over-estimated the defensive strength of cardboard.
by HMS_Ford

5.19.10:

So I says to Moses, "Exodus? More like SEXodus, am I right?"
by schemppistan

Editor's pick:

Don't be ridiculous, nobody is going to recognize me. That's why I'm wearing the sunglasses!
by Jackabug

5.18.10:

Because for some people, the mechanical bull just isn't manly enough.
by Diasdiem

Editor's pick:

Leonardo da Vinci - artist, architect, inventor, and peyote enthusiast.
by RodneyHardman

5.17.10:

Sometimes, it's blatantly obvious which kids got help from their parents at the Science Fair.
by Versus

Editor's pick:

This is a normal reaction for speakers when forced to play Nickleback.
by Mr.Excalibur

5.16.10:

Castrator wasn't the most powerful Deceptacon, but he was certainly the most feared.
by RodneyHardman

Editor's pick:

The little engine that could murder you.
by BorisGrushenko

5.15.10:

What part of "pregnant women should avoid contact with Rogaine" did you not understand?
by JasonShankel

Editor's pick:

The Chia Baby just never caught on.
by Diasdiem

4.14.10:

Stan-Lee Kubrick
by geniuswaitress

Editor's pick:

"Bleach! Really? What the hell was Aunt May thinking?"
by RogersIB

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