Cracked Round-Up: Brown Out Edition

We've been having a lot of power outages here at the Cracked Offices lately. At first we thought it was just our crappy power grid. Turns out Swaim was actually building dozens of tesla coils for his "post-human studio audience". We probably shouldn't have shown him the first two Terminator movies.

WELD

5 Cultures With the Most WTF Wedding Rituals Our favorite wedding ritual involves a fistful of E and four pounds of condoms.

"Funny article, but most of it sounds like a bunch of BS to me. "

Fuck! Deneris is onto our master plan.

SICK

6 Terrifying Diseases That Science Can't Explain But don't worry. It's probably just a cough.

"I don't think I'll ever sleep again."

Yoarastrophe, sleep is for cattle.

WEAK

5 Shockingly Powerful Kids Who Make You Look Like A Coward Your kids are still kind of stupid though.

"I happened to stop the video about Marjoe at 20 seconds and the look on the mother's face froze my soul. My god that woman was like the devil incarnate."

Sometimes God's love is creepy as shit, velofire.

LIES

6 Mind-Blowing Achievements In Propaganda We're not sure if Che would be proud of having his face plastered on a line of mass-produced thongs.

Notable Comment:

"ok, i get the point you are making, but comparing washington to one of histories worst mass murderers and torturers, guevara, no matter what was meant by it, was a silly thing to do "

There are no words for how stupid you are, Seraphiel.

SICKO

15 Unintentionally Perverted Toys for Children Take that, childhood innocence!

Notable Comment:

"It's SUPER-PENIS!!!! Instead of sperm, it shoots out fully formed children!!! "

Just preserving this line for the FBI, Aniahthefallen.

Does Not Compute

Most Needlessly Sexual Asian TV Ads Mysteries of the Far East.

YOU YOU YOU!

If The Internet Took Over Our Schools We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Instructional Diagrams for People Who Annoy You.

4.22.10:

For fuck sake's Jim, just walk the fuckin' dogs!!
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

How to navigate your mid-life crisis with grace and maturity.
by bcanders

4.21.10:

"I call this next tune 'I Am Legally Obligated To Inform You That I Am A Sex Offender.'"
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

Proof that not all musicians can get laid
by TheWadhams

4.20.10:

The parade was going well until one of them slipped on a human.
by bcanders

Editor's pick:

Ironically, not a single one of them can do a split.
by geniuswaitress

4.19.10:

R2D2's father was old fashioned but definitely upper class
by oskhen

Editor's pick:

"Call Tim Burton and tell him he left his hat at Denny's."
by geniuswaitress

4.18.10:

Dad?
by yonks

Editor's pick:

Killing Me Softly with his Thong
by geniuswaitress

4.17.10:

Do a barrel roll!!
by Jokester

Editor's pick:

Dude, is this really the only way to get out of Mirkwood?
by Wicked_One

4.16.10:

In the original star wars script, C-3PO was a wise-crackin' black guy. The idea was scrapped, along with his inner-city sidekick, "R-to-the-D Twizzle."
by Me_No_Funny

Editor's pick:

Chromosexual!
by 87gn