Cracked Round-Up: iPad Edition

This week saw the launch of Apple's iPad. We initially planned to commemorate this historic event by writing the entire round-up on an iPad. Unfortunately, our efforts to purchase one were symied when the assholes at the Apple Store refused to accept a gunney sack full of qualuudes and empty needles as payment. They say 'think different', but they really just want you to pay in credit card debt like everyone else.

INEVITABLE

6 New Weapons That You Literally Cannot Hide From We've come a long way from hurling stones and feces.

"im against guns, and pro teleporters. if we had teleporters we could teleport the lead right into people. or teleport their vital organs out. "

Glagnar...why would you need to do both?

DEPRIVED

6 Ridiculous History Myths (You Probably Think Are True) Take THAT, elementary school history teachers.

Queue several hundred comments worth of arguments about Irish persecution and devices that rip your anus out.

CRAZY

5 Works of Legitimate Mad Science Passed Off As Art We at Cracked would like to take this opprotunity to express our gratitude for the thousands of mad scientists who risk life and limb every year to bring us more efficient death rays and more reliable doomsday devices.

"On the badass scale of manliness, Joe Davis is at least a match for Teddy Roosevelt. Hell, he may even have surpassed him. "

Let's not get carried away, The_Hyphenator.

CARS

6 Scientific Reasons People Drive Like Assholes Cracked.com: Supplying douchebags with scientific excuses for their behavior.

Notable Comment:

"This list sucked. "

Your FACE sucks, Mizainzig. How's that make you feel? NOT SUCH A BIG MAN NOW, ARE YOU?!

PSYCH OUT

5 Psych Experiments That Sounded Fun (Until They Started) Sometimes, being a guinea pig isn't worth the $50 and free coffee they pay you.

Notable Comment:

"Does anyone know where Harry Houdini is buried? I am VERY interested in buying his bones."

We'd love to help you nana, but the Chief says we're not allowed to go grave-robbing on company time anymore.

CRACKED STAFF

Stuff That Must Have Happened: Little Mermaid Cover Approval This is history, folks.

YOU YOU YOU!

Idiotic Real-World Uses of Awesome Fictional Technology We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If Pets Could Be Custom-Designed From Scratch

YOU YOU YOU!

The First Time You Use The Nintendo 3DS Like cartoons? And money? Every week Cracked's favorite artist Nedroid puts up a new cartoon that YOU can finish. The winner gets $50 and everlasting Internet fame. Next week's contest is If Pets Could Be Custom Designed From Scratch.

4.08.10:

Ironically, working there is no picnic
by zapriwsdower

Editor's pick:

Somewhere there's a giant Yogi Bear waiting to steal this.
by NeilSoan

4.07.10:

In China this is known as "Don't play with your dinner".
by ESToledo

Editor's pick:

"Jesus, PETA!! Then what CAN I juggle?!?"
by Leaf

4.06.10:

Yay! Let's use these prosthetic legs intended for amputees for our own selfish pleasures!
by hiwata

Editor's pick:

Quick! Somebody pull the ground out from beneath him before he lands!
by carrieoakey

4.05.10:

Rapture Gridlock
by RodneyHardman

Editor's pick:

Somewhere, in the middle of this thing, is Charlie Sheen.
by Julius_Goat

4.04.10:

Bush administration foreign policy explained.
by bettergonzo

Editor's pick:

Things removed from Ricky Martin's lower colon.
by WilsonBurnell

4.03.10:

Emo Superman is really popular with the girls.
by ESToledo

Editor's pick:

Wonder Woman had an invisible jet. I wish I could say the same for her pantyline.
by Blinker_Sloan

4.02.10:

Yeah...but where the f*ck is EVERYTHING ELSE?!
by davestuckey

Editor's pick:

Easter Bunny officially stops giving a shit.
by Jokester