4Dog and Cat Food Is Delicious
Fancy Feast saves you the shame of serving your cat the same chili on a paper plate you'll be eating for dinner. Cats are fickle and refuse to eat meals that don't include at least three types of slow roasted animals. In fact, advertisers want you to know that you're kind of a jackass for not eating cat food too. There's even garnish in the meal. Garnish. A cat would be more thrilled by a severed bird head accenting the dish.
Based on the ad, I would order Fancy Feast at a restaurant if they would serve it to me. And cat food isn't the only one playing this bizarre game. Wet dog food looks like it's just some corn and carrots shy of the best stew you've ever had.
I don't want to brag, but I've seen a lot of dogs eat shit, enough to know they don't care what it looks like. Advertisers are just hoping you're stupid enough to think your pet wants to eat what you want to eat, or maybe that you're desperate enough to eat dog food. Either way, they are developing food for some weird hybrid between human and animal that doesn't exist yet.
Sick of your dog's unrefined tastes and dog-like behavior? Feed it Alpo and he'll learn to walk upright and dance like an almost-human.
Case in point:
3Cosmetics and Candy Are the Same
After a meal of pet food, there's nothing sweeter than washing it down with a bottle of lotion. For some inexplicable reason, cosmetics are marketed as candy. While it likely appeals to a feminine aspiration toward sweetness, its real-world conclusion can't be anything short of a man eating a woman's face. In advertisers' quest to market makeup as dessert, chocolate and foundation are the worst culprits. They maintain identical properties in commercials...
Well, they both look delicious.
...both defying gravity while flowing in aimless streams, both only existing in front of non-descript backgrounds with no horizon.
The correlation between cosmetics and dessert is so long standing it's deserving of a whole new article, or at the very least, a quiz. So here's a quiz, it is literally the least I could do:
Play: Makeup or Candy?