Cracked Round-Up: Base Seven Edition

In order to save money, the order has just come down from on high that the Cracked offices will now use a base 7 numbering system. Due to a tax loophole, this will allow our company to save close to ninety dollars every calendar year. That may not sound like much, but that's close to half of Brockway's weekly coke budget.


Fortey got off the runway with a celebration of our Simian cousins. Cody followed up with Cracked's thousandth article on Lost. Yes, we may have a problem. Bucholz changed the beat with a guide to being interrupted at the Academy Awards, while Seanbaby brought us another horrifying edition of Man Comics. Brockway accused Mario Lopez of being a soulless monster, while Dan O'Brien explored the baffling Betty White meme.

DISASTER
5 Creepy Ways Video Games Are Trying To Get You Addicted

This is actually just a ploy to scare people off the Internet so we can torrent the full series of Frasier faster.



Notable Comment:

"I'm pretty sure that tank is a T-90 MBT, not an Abrams. Not that it matters. It just makes me feel smug and superior. Unless, I'm wrong... "

'Hey everyone, look at me! I'm greybuscat and I know more about tanks than Internet comedy writers because my military experience extends beyond playing Battlefield 2 while really high.'



SEX
7 Kama Sutra Sex Tips That Will Put You In The Hospital

It wouldn't be a religious text if it didn't contain a few bafflingly terrible ideas.



Notable Comment:

"But why don't they tell us what the Variant Yawning Position is?? They describe regular Yawning, but what is the variant? Inquiring minds want to know. "

Trust us, bethied83, you don't want to know. We'll give you a hint, though; it involves a goat and the living dead.



PERFIDY
6 Subtle Ways The News Media Disguises Bullshit As Fact

Spoiler: It's almost all bullshit.



Notable Comment:

"Reading Cracked makes you smarter "

That's correct, Mighty. It also makes you up to 37% sexier, and causes you to burn fat at a higher rate.

PERFIDY
The 5 Most Half-Assed Scams That Were Shockingly Successful

These are the unlikely success stories that motivate new generations goddamn asshole spammers.



Notable Comment:

"One that didn't really make a profit but belonged here was the Chaser APEC stunt: two TV comedians got into the APEC security zone in downtown Sydney using three black SUVs disguised with a small Canadian Flag and using what were obviously faked security passes. They stopped outside George Bush's hotel and basically turned themselves in. "

tobyclark, do you not know what the phrase "half-assed" means?



HEARTBREAK
5 Movie Romances That Won't Last (According to Science)

If you want to feel better about your string of failed marriages, this is the article to read.



Notable Comment:

"Was gonna say pretty much the same things. I'm getting tired of correcting these authors that try to diss on Star Wars when they know nothing of it. "

boombalonga is just so adorable it hurts.





Buy The Goddamn DVD!
Behind The Scenes of a Porn Soundtrack
Sex-tacular entertainment.


YOU YOU YOU!
Historic Bad Decisions Explained Via Infographic
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Disastrous Casting Decisions


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

3.18.10:

Moses? This isn't funny, put me back in the bush.
by Jokester

Editor's pick:

The recession hit Burning Man pretty hard this year
by Cap

3.17.10:

All of the statues in New Orleans have these now...
by natebooze

Editor's pick:

"No wonder he can't swim. He's plastered! "
by geniuswaitress

3.16.10:

Do you see what I have to put up with EVERY FUCKING DAY?! She looks ridiculous in her costumes!
by gamefreakjohnny

Editor's pick:

The Devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for a whore to steal
by kyoput

3.15.10:

Your Lady Gaga has evolved into a Level 43 Drag Queen.
by sugar-pickle

Editor's pick:

Despite his smile, Mr. Chan couldn't help but be intrigued by the unusual size and shape of the clown's penis. "Maybe," he thought to himself. "Maybe."
by rbowland23

3.14.10:

Why does he keep feeding the birds if they keep crapping on his head
by LewScannon

Editor's pick:

I America, we use the Scales of Justice. In Hungary, they use the Scale of Cheese.
by Mr.Excalibur

3.13.10:

Dammit. The elephant keeps missing. Alright, go back to the firing squad.
by seannyb

Editor's pick:

What comes next is referred to as the 'Holy grail' of German Schise porn.
by liberalScum

3.12.10:

Lemme tell you, boys. A sandjob is not as sexy as it may sound. And it don't sound too sexy.
by seannyb

Editor's pick:

Years later, Boba Fett emerged with a resounding, "Suck It Sarlacc!"
by Gatt

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