6 Movie Plots Made Possible By Ridiculous Understaffing

#3. The Death Star

"Now, wait a minute Cracked.com," you're probably saying out loud to yourself as you read this, in between sips of your chai mocha latte, "you've really fucked up this time. We all saw the inside of the Death Star, and that thing was crammed full of storm troopers, Imperial bureaucrats, janitors and lunchroom workers. In fact, there were so many people in there that anyone who blew it up would probably be tormented with a paralyzing guilt for the rest of their life, rendering them a vegetable."

The thing is, the Death Star was full of ground troops, which would be extremely handy if the Death Star came equipped with landing gear. Unfortunately, the Rebellion decided to launch an attack in outer space.

The Staff:

One part space station, one part death ray and one part floating Epcott Center, the Death Star was the crown jewel of the Emperor's armada. Therefore, it only makes sense that he would fill it with his most impressive Storm Troopers, his most powerful Sith Lord and one weird garbage monster.

But you still can't get past the fact that ground troops are absolutely useless when you're fighting in outer space. Unless all those Storm Troopers are needed to handle the day-to-day maintenance on the Death Star, in full armor just in case the floor buffer has a "massive head injury" mode, the only reason to have that many soldiers on a space station is if they were planning on being invaded from the inside out.

Of course, this also means that if any rebel troops were foolish enough to break into the Death Star, they would be captured immediately, right?

Why Some Extra Staff Wouldn't Have Hurt:

When the rebels finally attack the Death Star, they send in most of their militia (i.e. a handful of poorly trained fighters in tiny space ships), the space equivalent to trying to overthrow Saudi Arabia by sending in a few dozen frog men.

Stranger things have happened.

The Empire decides to defend their most powerful space station in the only logical way: By sending out a handful of their own poorly trained fighters, along with a laser gun tower or two. The rebels are thus able to skim the surface of the base itself and only get harassed by a few TIE fighters who mostly chase and fire at them helplessly. In fact, there's such a lack of TIE fighter pilots that the Empire decides to send Darth Vader to help out, instead of something useful like a Star Destroyer or two. Or 700. After all, they had 25,000 of them.

That shit was personal.

Luckily, the Emperor figured out the station's biggest flaw by Return of the Jedi, as that Death Star at least had the ability to actually fire on the ships attacking it, and not just float there like a ripe mango waiting to picked.

#2. The Gotham City Police Department

Let's face it: Gotham City is a pretty rough town. During the day, it's like 1970s New York City at night, and at night, it's like Second Age Mordor during the day. Trapped in an unending cycle of corruption and urban decay, the city called out for a hero. If only it hadn't stopped there.

Don't worry, Mayor. I'll fight all the crime.

The Staff:

When Bruce Wayne donned the bat-cape and bat-cowl, vowing to bat-avenge the death of his bat-parents, he probably foresaw a super heroic life like Superman, Spider-Man or Iron Man, fighting the megalomaniacal mad scientists and other criminals that the police just couldn't tackle.

What Wayne couldn't have foreseen was that the Gotham City Police Department appears to be made up of a dozen guys. Besides Jim Gordon, his asshole partner (seriously, what was that guy's problem?) and, later, Harvey Dent, Batman is really out there alone.

Instead of aiding the police against dangerous supervillians like Mr. Freeze or The Ventriloquist, Batman is forced to spend most of his time stopping random street crime like he's the head of the freaking neighborhood watch.

Why Some Extra Staff Wouldn't Have Hurt:

A superhero can be a very useful asset to a police force, once a dangerous super criminal is on the loose. When Lex Luthor releases two atomic bombs to destroy the West Coast, or the villain from Ghost Rider does something, these problems are a little too complex for the average beat cop. Even if they're super badass.

"He pulls out a particle accelerator, you pull out a death ray!"

That's when you need a Batman. Unfortunately, Batman has to spend all of his time stopping every mugger, jaywalker and plagiarist breaking the law in Gotham, consuming all the time he could be spending solving super crimes.

In The Dark Knight, we see some (laughably incompetent) SWAT teams show up at the end--purely so they can get in the way--but otherwise Gotham's law enforcement seems to be made up of some despondent guys standing on the roof, shining the bat-signal into the clouds and hoping Bruce Wayne takes care of things.

#1. Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters (X-Men Franchise)

Home to some of the world's most hated and feared teenagers, Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters is also the last major accredited university with the word "youngsters" in its name (after Harvard Law School changed its name from the "Harvard School for Smug Youngsters" to the "Harvard School for Smug Douchebags").

Though it's top secret, displaying the school's real identify on a street sign sent a mixed message.

The Staff:

The faculty at Xavier's Mansion apparently consists of four people: Jean Grey, Professor Xavier, Storm and Cyclops who, judging from the film's montage, teaches a class on how cool all of his motorcycles are.

For today's class I'll just drive back and forth and look anguished again.

Even accounting for occasional visits from Wolverine, who doesn't work there, there are schools in Detroit with more faculty than this. How are there enough teachers to cover all the high school subjects, like Mutant History, Mutant Science and Mutant Comparative Lit., but also watch over an entire mansion full of hormone-fueled, superpowered teenagers?

Why Some Extra Staff Wouldn't Have Hurt:

In X2, with Xavier and Cyclops off visiting Magneto in prison, and Storm and Jean Grey off making out in Boston (we assume), the entire student body was left in the knife-filled hands of Wolverine, who in addition to looking like a well-groomed serial killer, only stabs a few invading soldiers and then runs away. Nice security, Professor X.

Let's make it clear: Most schools don't have tons of security because their problems involve students hooking up in the co-ed bathrooms and freshman ordering pizza after check-in. Problems at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters usually involve preventing global genocide. These are kids who can blow up buildings with their fucking minds, with enemies who can do the same.

So, with the entire faculty gone, the military, led by Colonel Stryker, invades the school, capturing most of the students we've never seen before, and allowing the characters that we care about to escape.

Although we run the risk of spoiling the ending for any readers living in 2003 (also, if you're reading this, don't bother seeing Superman Returns. Trust us on this), the X-Men win in the end. Unfortunately, we're deprived of the reaction of the students' parents when they learn that their children have been kidnapped and experimented on because their headmaster subcontracted his police force to a guy whose only superpower is the ability to stab people with impunity.

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For more silver screen head-scratchers, check out 6 Movie Monsters That Just Wouldn't Work and 6 'Brilliant' Movie Scientists (Who Suck At Their Job).

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