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8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape

There are exactly one bajillion songs about sex out in the world, from country ballads to soul-stirring masterpieces like "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay. But there are some more subtle songs hidden away in the folds of the Billboard Top 40. Popular songs that might seem to be about love or sex upon first listen, but for whatever reason decided to toss in a line or two that makes it seem like it's more about the love you have in an alley with the assistance of an ether soaked rag.

#8.
"Baby It's Cold Outside" - Dean Martin & Doris Day

Offending Lyrics:

Her: but maybe just a half a drink more
Him: (put some records on while I pour)
Her: the neighbors might faint
Him: (baby it's bad out there)
Her: say what's in this drink
Him: (no cabs to be had out there)

What It's Saying:

No Christmas in a department store is complete without having to listen to Dean Martin croon this tune about four times an hour. It features the kind of saucy banter your parents think is awesome and probably made your mom hot after a few egg nogs back in the day. Sick.

Curiously, however, in Dean's extended efforts to keep his lady friend from leaving him for the night, they slip in the somewhat off putting line in which it's implied that Dean has laced her drink with roofies. Because really, if the weather won't keep her in the house, date rape drugs are the next best step.


Pictured: The Dean Martin Home Seduction Kit.

In fairness, Deano might just be doping her with rum, although that's not really all that much more honorable considering the entire debate is about whether she should drive home. Perhaps best of all is when she wises up and asks what's in the drink and he glosses over it like it ain't no thang, pointing out that there are no cabs available. So the best case scenario for this holiday gem is essentially: Dean Martin forces himself on a woman with the threat of a DUI and potentially vehicular manslaughter.

#7.
"Summer Nights" - Olivia Newton John & John Travolta

Offending Lyrics:

Girls: Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?
Guys: Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?

What It's Saying:

Grease was a charming musical about how Olivia Newton John used to be famous. Apparently it was some sort of play as well. That aside, near the beginning of the story, the two main characters tell their friends about their summer and, because musicals are zany like that, it takes the form of a song.

While our greasy hero Danny Zuko tells his friends about meeting a girl named Sandy, the first thing Danny's friends want to know is if he got laid and the second question is if she fought back particularly hard. Apparently the T-Birds amateur rapist club is taking notes, and want some idea of what to expect should they find themselves with the opportunity to overpower a special young lady of their own one day.

#6.
"Brown Sugar" - Rolling Stones

Offending Lyrics:

Old coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doing alright
Hear him with the women just around midnight

Brown sugar how come you taste so good?
Brown sugar just like a young girl should

What It's Saying:

Just to be clear, this appears to be a song about raping slaves. Because of the catchy beat and repetitive chorus, you may have just assumed this was a song about how Mick Jagger was enduring a case of decrepit, British jungle fever, but it's kind of unmistakable when the first verse talks about slave ships and cotton fields.


Tell that to this novelty t-shirt

The chorus creeps up out of nowhere, amidst what's arguably a horrible tale about a slaver sexually abusing his slaves in the middle of the night. How come you taste so good? Is it because you were kidnapped from your home and forced into servitude? Now that's tasty.

#5.
"Father Figure" - George Michael

Offending Lyrics:

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you -
Until the end of time
That's all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken
For a crime

What It's Saying:

Sometime after the release of this song, George Michael was arrested for trying to play a game of softy swords in a public restroom with a cop. So that's off putting. But that aside, any song in which the singer wants to be someone's daddy--someone with tiny hands, for whom their love could be "mistaken" for a crime--you've got yourself a recipe for one creepy-as-shit stew.


Kids, this is not your daddy.

On a side note, any time you profess to want to be someone's father and preacher for "anything they have in mind," all you really need to do is offer to be their pony and/or Nazi jailor as well and you've pretty much touched on everything that's ever been awful in the history of ever.

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