8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape
There are exactly one bajillion songs about sex out in the world, from country ballads to soul-stirring masterpieces like "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay. But there are some more subtle songs hidden away in the folds of the Billboard Top 40. Popular songs that might seem to be about love or sex upon first listen, but for whatever reason decided to toss in a line or two that makes it seem like it's more about the love you have in an alley with the assistance of an ether soaked rag.
#8.
"Baby It's Cold Outside" - Dean Martin & Doris Day
Offending Lyrics:
Her: but maybe just a half a drink more
Him: (put some records on while I pour)
Her: the neighbors might faint
Him: (baby it's bad out there)
Her: say what's in this drink
Him: (no cabs to be had out there)
What It's Saying:
No Christmas in a department store is complete without having to listen to Dean Martin croon this tune about four times an hour. It features the kind of saucy banter your parents think is awesome and probably made your mom hot after a few egg nogs back in the day. Sick.
Curiously, however, in Dean's extended efforts to keep his lady friend from leaving him for the night, they slip in the somewhat off putting line in which it's implied that Dean has laced her drink with roofies. Because really, if the weather won't keep her in the house, date rape drugs are the next best step.
Pictured: The Dean Martin Home Seduction Kit.
In fairness, Deano might just be doping her with rum, although that's not really all that much more honorable considering the entire debate is about whether she should drive home. Perhaps best of all is when she wises up and asks what's in the drink and he glosses over it like it ain't no thang, pointing out that there are no cabs available. So the best case scenario for this holiday gem is essentially: Dean Martin forces himself on a woman with the threat of a DUI and potentially vehicular manslaughter.
#7.
"Summer Nights" - Olivia Newton John & John Travolta
Offending Lyrics:
Girls: Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?
Guys: Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?
What It's Saying:
Grease was a charming musical about how Olivia Newton John used to be famous. Apparently it was some sort of play as well. That aside, near the beginning of the story, the two main characters tell their friends about their summer and, because musicals are zany like that, it takes the form of a song.
While our greasy hero Danny Zuko tells his friends about meeting a girl named Sandy, the first thing Danny's friends want to know is if he got laid and the second question is if she fought back particularly hard. Apparently the T-Birds amateur rapist club is taking notes, and want some idea of what to expect should they find themselves with the opportunity to overpower a special young lady of their own one day.
#6.
"Brown Sugar" - Rolling Stones
Offending Lyrics:
Old coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doing alright
Hear him with the women just around midnight
Brown sugar how come you taste so good?
Brown sugar just like a young girl should
What It's Saying:
Just to be clear, this appears to be a song about raping slaves. Because of the catchy beat and repetitive chorus, you may have just assumed this was a song about how Mick Jagger was enduring a case of decrepit, British jungle fever, but it's kind of unmistakable when the first verse talks about slave ships and cotton fields.
Tell that to this novelty t-shirt
The chorus creeps up out of nowhere, amidst what's arguably a horrible tale about a slaver sexually abusing his slaves in the middle of the night. How come you taste so good? Is it because you were kidnapped from your home and forced into servitude? Now that's tasty.
#5.
"Father Figure" - George Michael
Offending Lyrics:
I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you -
Until the end of time
That's all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken
For a crime
What It's Saying:
Sometime after the release of this song, George Michael was arrested for trying to play a game of softy swords in a public restroom with a cop. So that's off putting. But that aside, any song in which the singer wants to be someone's daddy--someone with tiny hands, for whom their love could be "mistaken" for a crime--you've got yourself a recipe for one creepy-as-shit stew.
Kids, this is not your daddy.
On a side note, any time you profess to want to be someone's father and preacher for "anything they have in mind," all you really need to do is offer to be their pony and/or Nazi jailor as well and you've pretty much touched on everything that's ever been awful in the history of ever.
Father Figure is about stalking/obsession. It is clear if you watch the video. The story is basically about a man watching this woman (who is a model in the video) at a distance and imagining that they have a relationship. So he's saying that he is the only one who will truly understand her and that he will be anything she needs him to be, blah, blah, blah...
ReplyBrown Sugar is a rather obvious one, but since it's an upbeat song, most people tend to overlook it, which I always thought makes it incredible. I defend this song for its sheer awesomeness and geniality. Because really, it's just precious.
"Baby it's cold outside" was also done by Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald. You have to understand the time it was written in by actually looking at all of the lyrics. The woman is giving reasons why she can't stay over with the man, and he's rationalizing away those reasons. In those days, there would be a lot of problems and rumors started for a woman who stayed the night with a man. Also, this was many decades before roofies were invented. She's noticing that her drink is really strong, like it's 70% rum instead of 20% or whatever. Um, why is the entire song about convincing the woman to stay if he just plans to rape her? Why doesn't it end after the first line?
ReplyOkay, in Grease, I REALLY don't think Kenickie meant a physical fight. Have you never heard that used metaphorically before? Also, Maggie May was about an experience of Stewart's that took place when he was a young adult and clearly did not disturb him too much. The sex was consensual, just ill-advised. Finally, you might be exaggerating about My Sharona. Again, he said "younger", but he probably meant late teens. Hell, have you heard the enormous number of old rock songs that specify the girl is 16 or 17? I'm 17 and it creeps me out just a bit, but it seems to have been a normal thing to say at the time.
Reply*I defended those other songs, but there is no arguing about Brown Sugar. As much as I love the Stones, what the f*****g hell? There is a theme to the song-- white people can not stay away from black people, in spite of society's wishes-- but that was a terrible example, no? Geez, in a band of five people apparently nobody gave that a second thought. And it's still a hit.
Oh, there you go, the person below me thought of a song about a 16 year old. That is the age of consent in my state, though, so I generally give those songs the benefit of the doubt. Even the Beatles, who are generally considered to have been inoffensive, have the line, "She was just 17/ You know what I mean?". Though they were pretty young and so very nonthreatening, so I'm not surprised nobody commented on that.
I'm surprised you didn't include "Into the Night" by Benny Mardones..about sex with a minor. "She's only 16 years old, leave her alone they say. Separated by fools, who don't know what love is yet. But I want you to know, if I could fly, I'd pick you up, I'd take you into the night, and show you love like you've never seen, never seen" groosss..
Reply"8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape" < this is a loaded title, but the article was written well, i still laughed.
ReplyI think Father Figure is about stalking
ReplyJudas Priest, "Eat Me Alive" -
Reply"I'm gonna force you at gunpoint to eat me alive"
Firstly, the "what's in this drink" line from "Baby, it's cold outside" is just Doris Day playing coy. Did you see the way she was dressed, she wants it. The George Michael song is about his first gay experience, I know 'cause I was there vomiting in the corner when they started making out. The other guy used those exact same words when Georgie started crying about how his dad would never understand his feelings Maggie May used a young college guy not a boy (my old dorm mate, I saw the pics Maggie was a hairy one, her beaver actually looked like it was buck-toothed). Gary Puckett......perv.
Replycool story bro
You sure have been involved in a lot of pop stars' lives!
Umm, is Rod Stewart holding a deflated sex doll in that photo? What the...?
ReplyYou guys forgot all about "Sweat" by Inner Circle, it's one of the worst by far.
Replyor hello by lionel richie. or bye bye bye, by nsync.
girl i'm going to make you sweat,
till you cyan not sweat no more,
and when you cry out,
I'm going to push it, push it some more.
Holy hell you fuckers. It's supposed to be a joke...it's supposed to be funny. Bahaha...take a dulcolax and lighten the f**k up!! ;)
ReplyI thought everyone knew "Baby it's cold outside" was a rape song.
ReplyRegarding "Brown Sugar," it's "Gold Coast," not "old coast," and "hear him WHIP the women," not "hear him WITH the women." Also, find me one person in the universe who classifies this song as "romantic" ("Hey, honey, I know it's kind of cliche since all our friends used it, but, really, can you think of a better choice for our first dance at the wedding reception?"). Otherwise, this is one of the weaker Cracked articles I've read, and I normally enjoy these things like, well, crack.
ReplyAbout the only thing this article AND the resulting comments prove is that people can interpret things any way they want to depend on what it is they want to hear.
Replyinterpretation, LOL you do realize "come back to my place so I can rape your face." makes for terrible song lyrics.
This article just sucks. Seriously. Not a single song is about anything remotely rapish. Since when is younger automatically equal 5 year old? A 40 year old dude would consider a freaking 20 year old young. Half the songs on here anyway are out of context with the song. But thanks for planting in a guy, that if I like a drink and ask what's in it, he'll flip out thinking I'm accusing him of putting rufies in it.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou're an idiot. The "what's in the drink" is clearly the most rapey Christmas song ever. You may have a point regarding the difference of age in some of the points but you kind of threw it out the window with that last denial. Also, how exactly is #1 not rapey after the context is explained?
The difference is that getting someone drunk to keep them around for the purpose of giving them a bad reputation was considered wrong, but there was no law against it.
I'd guess the lyrics in "Baby it's cold outside" were Dean Martin spiking her drink so she can't drive home, and she can't get a cab, so she has to spend the night. She obviously doesn't want to leave too badly because she hangs out with him the whole time.
Don't know if someone already mentioned this one but it should have been on the list: Joe Tex "I Gotcha"
ReplyI gotcha, uh-huh, huh
You thought I didn't see ya now
Didn't ya, uh-huh, huh
You tried to sneak by me now
Didn't ya, ha, ha, uh-huh, huh
Now gimme what you promised me
Give it here
Come on
Hey
Good God
Hey
Hey
You promised me the day
That you quit your boyfriend
I'd be the next one to ease on in
You promised me it would be just us two, yeah
I'd be the only man kissin' on you, yeah
Now, kiss me
Hold it a long time, hold it
Don't turn it a-loose, now hold it
A little bit longer, now hold it
Come on
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Now ease up on me now
Hey
Good God Hey
The girl's alright, y'all
Ha-ha
Good God
You made me a promise
And you're gonna stick to it
You shouldn't have promised
If you weren't gonna do it
You saw me and ran in another direction
I'll teach you to play with my affection
Now, give it here
You never should've promised to me
Give it here
Don't hold back, now
Give it here
Don't say nothin', just give it here
Come on, give it here, uh
Give it here, uh
Give it here
Give it here
Give it to me, now
Good God
Hey
I gotcha
Shouldn't made a promise to me
I gotcha
You never should've promised to me, gotcha
Give it on, here
I gotcha
You thought you got away from me, didn't ya
But girl, I gotcha
Ha-ha-ha
Oh, I gotcha
Give it on up, I gotcha
Give it on here, I gotcha
You tried to sneak by me, now didn't ya
Ha-ha
I gotcha
Oh, I gotcha
tl:dr
One of the few cracked articles I find where every reaction of the songs is pure speculation and there is no factual basis backing any of this up. Kinda sounds like the bible.
ReplyYou didn't read #1, did you?
I stumble across this article while looking for something else totally unrelated and I wish I hadn't. If it had happened to you (like it had to me), you wouldn't have written an article which makes such light of something so traumatic which steals years of your life as well as your self confidence and trust. Quite disgusted that you took the time to write this at all. Rape happens, it's not some myth to joke about or something throw away. You may as well joke about child murder or the holocaust....just as funny. I have a dry sense of humour about most things but this is too far...
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesLife lesson to learn: People are not going to stop joking about things because certain people find them offensive for good reasons. The internet *thrives* on being offensive. That doesn't make it right nor does it trivialize what happened to you. This article isn't about making fun of rape, it's about making fun of songs that sneak rape themes into them.
They're not making fun of it. In each one, they say "this song is horrible, what were they thinking".
did you not realize what website you were on....maybe you shouldn't be on the internet at all in your condition...
My mom always sang "Rice-A-Roni" to the words "My Sharona."
ReplyAnd for one of the most disturbing romantic/sexy/whatever song I can immediately think of, it's "Show Me the Way," by Peter Frampton:
"I watch you when you're sleeping,and then I want to take your love."
I mean, maybe they have an understanding that this sort of behavior is acceptable, but in general, absent that sort of understanding, and even in an already-established sexual relationship, if she's not awake to consent, she, um, can't consent.
Your mom raped Rice-a-Roni?
to quote Ms Trunchbull from the film Matilda: your mommy IS A TWIT
Normally,I would just sit back and enjoy an article like this and try not to take it too seriously.However,the fact that everyday I meet more and more overtly PC-fanatics who see rape in absolutely every piece of pop culture gives me an uneasy feeling that an article likes this only contributes to that way of thinking.
Reply