6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

6 Things Your Body Does Every Day (That Can Destroy You)

#3.
Yawning

No one is entirely sure why we do it, but everyone does it a few times a day at the least. So how could something as innocent as a yawn be dangerous? It's called temporomandibular dislocation, which is an eight dollar way to say "dislocated jaw." When you yawn, you open your mouth (Cracked is informative!) good and wide, and if for some reason the ligaments in that area are a little loose, your jaw bone can come straight out of the joint. Seriously: You could yawn right now (and the more we mention it the more likely it is) and half of your face could very well explode out of the other half of your face, like a goddamn cartoon skeleton.


Yawning: The Sleepy Terror!

This condition can result in "significant discomfort" according to the experts. If you're picturing somebody prying your jaw open so far until your face tears apart, you're probably replying, "No significant shit, experts!"

But hey, since yawning doesn't seem to serve any purpose, just don't do it! Especially not... right... now!


Man, wouldn't that feel good right about now?

#2.
Popping Zits

It's unpleasant, but most of us have done it at some point: You get one of those nasty white heads, you go to the bathroom, you pop it. There's no call for describing that; a graphic description won't further the article any, so let's not get grosser than we have to here (it's like squeezing mayonnaise out of a flesh-tube). Now, everyone knows that popping zits can spread infection and lead to more zits, but there's also the risk of scarring and heavy bleeding which, when taken to extremes, can lead to a terminal case of Edward James Olmos.

You're probably aware of all that, but you probably haven't heard of something called "cerebral venous sinus thrombosis." That's a confounding term, so Doctor Oz, for the sake of simplicity, gives it another name: The Triangle of Death. The only reason we ended that sentence with a period because there's not yet a punctuation mark for "lightning crashing."

Basically, there's a cluster of blood vessels just under your nose that, through poor architectural planning, flow directly to your brain. Any infection that develops in this area via open sores (like popped pimples) can in a heartbeat transport itself to the one place in your body that you least want an infection. So by popping one zit, you can circumvent decades of dutifully devouring trans fats and empty calories, and stroke out within a few hours, if not minutes.


No thanks, we've got this suicide covered. Maybe next time!

Don't want your life to vanish in the Bermuda Triangle of the human body? Keep your hands off your goddamn face. You might end up looking like Pizza the Hutt, but leave the zits where they are, let the nose hair grow free and wild, and for Christ's sake, don't even think about facial piercings--if not because you look like a tool, then at least for fear of instant death.

#1.
Sleeping

Sleeping is right up there with beer, boobs and revenge as one of life's simplest, grandest pleasures.Can sleeping be dangerous? Sure, people sometimes do weird shit while asleep, but unless you're driving a car, operating heavy equipment or walking tightrope over a volcano, that's not going to kill you. Science knows all sorts of reasons why too little sleep can be dangerous, so by extension, getting extra sleep must be like a dip in the hot tub of youth (fountains are for old people).


Too long in the hot tub.

But of course, life is not run by a system of checks and balances; it's run by horrifying trauma and murderous coincidence. That's probably why a recent British study conversely showed that sleeping too much--more than seven hours a night--doubles your chances of dying within 11 to 17 years, and not even from cardiovascular disease like those lucky bastards with insomnia. And we'd like to clarify here; they're not saying that an extra hour of sleep will shorten your twilight years a little. They're saying that, by hitting the snooze button, you're less likely to see the end of this goddamn decade.

They aren't really sure why, but Francesco Cappuccino (who sounds more like a Carmen Sandiego character than the respectable scientist he is) stated that "some candidate causes for this include depression, low socio-economic status and cancer-related fatigue." So in some cases, the case studies were poor depressed cancer patients, which makes sense. For the rest of them, it was "fucked if we know. Get up earlier."

So there you go: Sleep exactly seven hours a night, not a minute more, not a minute less--because a late coffee on one side, and you'll have a heart attack; a snooze button on the other, and you will just mysteriously fucking die within the next 10 years.

Sleep tight.

You can find more from David at Hubpages and Associated Content.

Do you have something funny to say about a random topic? You could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow. Go here and find out how to create a Topic Page.

To take your mind off of your imminent death, here's a couple articles about boobs and sex: The 6 Most Gratuitously Cleavaged Women on TV and 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences).

And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 2.24.2010) where there's even stuff for the ladies... all two of you.

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get dick jokes sent straight to your news feed.

And be sure to check out our friends at the Huffington Post as they take a look at some hilariously awful police sketches.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

685 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!