If you're not familiar with rugby, basically the aim of the sport is to score points by advancing the ball into the opponent's endzone via a series of backward or lateral passes as the opposing team attempts to impede the ball carrier's progress by dog-stomping him into oblivion. Oh, and it's played without pads. If that sounds awesome, just imagine how much more awesome it would be if instead of a ball, they were playing with that boulder from the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Now you're playing Pushball, bitches! Pushball can be played by any number of people, sometimes expanding into the hundreds, with a massive six-foot, 50-pound medicine ball that crushes anything in its path.
The object of the game is to push/roll the ball-slash-boulder into the opponent's endzone, but with the staggering number of players involved, most games eventually dissolve into a full scale riot.
Also, as if regular Pushball wasn't extreme enough, variants of the sport are played on horseback and even on ice, presumably because people in Europe were running out of exciting new ways to paralyze themselves.
"Why, I just heard Steadman's vertebrae crack! Jolly good!"
Hell, at that point, why not just put everybody in cars and push the thing around that way? We guess then you'd have...
If that picture looks like a bunch of cars playing soccer with a comically oversized ball, well, let's just assure you that it's not Photoshop.
The one reason soccer (yes, we're an American website) is the most popular sport in the world is because it's the one game anyone can afford to play. All you need is a ball. That means it's clearly time to modify the sport so that it can only be played by people who have a dozen cars they can destroy for each match.
Fortunately we have Car Soccer, which combines the thrill of competitive sport with the excitement of widespread vehicular manslaughter. Demonstrated famously on Top Gear and on the aptly named Carpocalypse TV show, matches in this sport follow the same basic rules of soccer in that players must move a ball up the field in an attempt to score a goal. Only everybody is in cars and smashing into one another.
But as ludicrous as that is, at least the players have the protection of the cars around them. Unlike...
Polo is widely renowned as the sport of kings, and for good reason: It features majestic steeds, graceful plays and a unique synergy between man and animal that is unmatched in any other sport.
Throughout most of history only wealthy noblemen could afford to participate, which pretty much guarantees everyone currently reading this article would've been banned from even watching the sport. Luckily, the modern world has found a way to make this contest more accessible and needlessly dangerous.
It's not new; it was back in the 1920s when they decided to replace the four-legged animal with a two-wheeled rumbler and call it Motorcycle Polo. The first such record of the sport being organized and played came from a motorcycle club in Camden, New Jersey where it became a popular attraction among flappers and wiseguys for at least a few years. Since then, Motopolo has caught on and is still being played in Europe and Africa alongside its cousin, Motoball, which is basically soccer for motorcycle gangs who don't like to run.
We could make fun of it, but we're too busy trying to find a sport that wouldn't be improved if played entirely on motorcycles. Imagine how much more exciting baseball would be if every player straddled a custom chopper and base runners did a controlled slide into home plate at 150-mph.
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For more sports insanity, check out 6 Elaborate Forms of Suicide Passed Off as Extreme Sports and The 10 Most Insane "Sports" in the World.
And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 2.19.2010) to see our modified version of oil wrestling.