Cracked Round-Up: 'Business As Usual' Edition.

Move along, dear readers. Nothing to see here. Nothing except for HOURS AND HOURS of BALL BUSTING comedy, that is!


Our week began as Chris Bucholz plead for game developers to not tarnish souls by releasing a Twilight MMORPG. Brockway kept things rolling with a treatise on Internet Tough Guys, while Seanbaby took the piss out of that Enzyte asshole. DOB finished things off with an article on President McClane.



HURL
7 Terrifying Giant Versions of Disgusting Critters.
Eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww eww


Notable Comment:"Being bait or prey is not how I'm goin' outta this world." my.02, you do realize that this is the kind of line you say right before the thirty foot long centipede devours you, right?



OLDIES
7 Songs From Your Grandpa's Day That Would Make Eminem Blush
It's heartening to know that our ancestors were just as awful as we are.


Notable Comment: "Anyone know where to get hold of "If You'se a Viper" by Stuff Smith? It sounds like the perfect track for any occasion." FBI, you have to arrest Gusse! We think he might smoke marijuana!



PICTURES
15 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
The mind-fuckery continues.


Notable Comment: "Combine #6 god's condom with #3 and you've got god protecting himself before he decides to f**k you with fire!" Good contribution, alblaster!



TWEEEEET
6 Places You Should Never Twitter From
The level of annoyance generated by a technology is directly proportionate to how new it is.


Notable Comment:"FROM THE FORUMS: daniel.
Administrator
Re: Swaim
'Quote from: DRAGON_TROGDOR on July 19, 2009, 12:42 AM
Swaim hasn't posted in a couple months; is he still writing for Cracked? '
He'll be back in about a week or so. I won't say where he's been, it's up to him if he wants the whole internet to know, (rehab), but once he gets back, (clean), we'll have brand new Swaim stuff, because we love you." Thanks for the informative leak, Llama11d7.



DEATHCLAW!
The Truth Behind 5 'Real Monsters' That Fooled the Internet.
The Internet is the greatest source of gullible people in the world.


Notable Comment:"Ew, article has 40% more rotting corpses than usual." We have quotas to fill, Sabre_Justice.





Death Ray Cabaret
Paris Hilton: Secretly a Genius?
No.


YOU YOU YOU!
If Sarcasm Ruled the World
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Easier Solutions to Movie Plots.


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

8.6.09:

Mom, why is this picture in my Baby Book?
by ozweego

Editor's pick:

Caution, side effects may include crooked penis entering sun.... y'know what, just stop taking these
by bobboringbaker

8.5.09:

there's only one udder to suck on. but okay, here goes...
by Ed_Gein

Editor's pick:

Now where is that damn cow? Excuse me Mr. Businessman, have you seen my cow?
by bryp777

8.4.09:

Now that he won the lottery, he's ****ing all types of girls. And by girls I mean sushi. And by ****ing, I mean dressing up like a Power Ranger.
by icheat

Editor's pick:

I know that I can't read Japanese, but I seriously doubt that the red arrow contains an explanation that would be considered anywhere near satisfactory.
by bilbo1

8.3.09:

Sometimes dyslexia can just sneak up on you.
by Spamboy

Editor's pick:

As he looked away her eyes said "NO" but her body said ASDTORHASKDCVNAIOSDHNFAKSHDFKASDFASDFNLJAS...
by Dunstin Checks Out

8.2.09:

And that's why you don't **** an Ewok.
by Tessica

Editor's pick:

When Timmy and Lassie both fell down the well, surgeons did the best they could.
by Fkelleghan

8.1.09:

Red Bull may give you wings, but Mountain Dew gives you fucking ARMOR
by Zaphod

Editor's pick:

The new mascot for Gladiatorade.
by nimo

7.31.09:

Mom, why is this picture in my Baby Book?
by satur92002

Editor's pick:

I would untag this on Facebook if I were you.
by satur92002

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