For better or worse, Twitter is a full-fledged phenomenon these days. And why not? How else are we supposed to know when Ashton Kutcher is going to the grocery store? But as fantastic as it is to finally be able to let people know that you're in a shoe store without having to tote along a laptop, technology should be used with caution. There are just some places where you really shouldn't get your tweet on. For example...
6From a Bar
Unless you're a sports announcer or you happen to be hosting the last hour of the Today Show, getting hammered while doing anything that involves communicating with people via technology is usually a bad idea. For most of us, tweeting while drunk isn't a problem, provided you are among the 99.9 percent of users that nobody gives a shit about. But for celebrities, it's a whole different story. For every tweet, there are countless scrutinizing bloggers and journalists praying that you say something stupid.
San Francisco Giants relief pitcher Brian Wilson found this out the hard way.
After blowing his first save of the season during a day game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, a team that couldn't hit their way into the second round of a Whack-A-Mole tournament, fans and sportswriters started looking for something to blame his shitty performance on. In short order, they came up with a plausible theory thanks to this...
As Wilson's tweets from the night before reveal, not only does he drink pansy ass coffee drinks and aspire to be Don Johnson circa 1985, but he was hanging out in a bar (and coming dangerously close to getting into fistfights) until after 1 am the morning of the game. Sure, damn near all of us have shown up to work hungover before, but we aren't getting paid millions of dollars to do our shit.
Above: Cracked headquarters, Monday morning.
After word of the ill-timed tweets got out, fans far and wide were questioning Wilson's dedication to the game. A few feeble attempts at explaining himself later (it was all made up!), Wilson did what most of us hope all Twitter users will do eventually. He deleted his Twitter account entirely.
What would Twitter be if it didn't give users the opportunity to lord the awesomeness of their station in life over their lowly friends?
It's only natural that if you're heading out for a kickass vacation you would want to tell everyone about it. That's great if you're just relaying the information to people you trust. But some people find joy in telling the entire goddamned world about it. But with that joy comes some inherent risks, chief among them, the risk that Internet criminals will know that your home and the thousands of dollars worth of computer and video equipment inside it are unoccupied and waiting for hot singles in their area to steal them and pawn them off for drug money.
The above video is a news report about Israel Hyman, a professional podcaster (really?) who posted a tweet to let the entire Internet know that he was going to be out of town for awhile.
In turn, the Internet (or at least a very small portion of it) decided to break into his home and take some shit. Granted, it can't be conclusively proven that the tweet led to the break in, but damn, is that really the kind of shit you want to tell everyone about? Prior to the Internet, did people who left town post giant signs on their house saying they were bailing for a few days? Nope, that would just be stupid. But apparently, posting the same information on the Web is completely reasonable. In our professional opinion, for his blatant stupidity, Israel kind of deserved to have his shit tooken. (Welcome to the comments section, Grammar Police!)